Talk:Check out his new invention

From Create Your Own Story

You know what one of the worst parts of this is? This could have been used to actually develop the protagonist's character, give her some friggin' hidden depths. I mean, we know almost nothing about the woman herself so this could have been maybe one of the best opportunities to actually develop her. Why does she know and understand what must be very complex theoretical physics or just perplexing "science" since time travel is actually impossible? Was she a scientist? Does she have a job that might allow her to be able to comprehend how time travel works? Did she want to time travel herself but didn't have the resources and gave up on it but she still kept the knowledge? Why did she want to time travel? You can't make bread without flour! Natural intelligence needs actual knowledge to work at its best especially when it deals with TIME TRAVEL! She needs to know SOMETHING about how time travel would work in this world and that would require a background in physics! This could have really fleshed her out into being somewhat two-dimensional rather then the zero-point-fifth dimensional sex object she is at this moment!

Also, show, don't tell. Don't tell us that she understands him, SHOW IT! Showing us is much more fun for the reader then just being told it! It's like being told a fish is big and just that or being told that a man can chop down a tree by punching it but we never get to see it! This is basic, ladies and gentlemen!

Also, not sure how to feel about how the idea that being attractive (also, not that attractive since having sizable breasts and hips isn't all that) makes you stupid. Is that a real thing or is this just the CYOS?