PBC News:UN plans last big kill in Israel

From Bubblegum Wiki

This article is part of PBC News, your source for up-to-the-minute anime.

16 November 2006 

President Josh Taylor Stingray has told secret advisers that the UN and its allies must make "a last big kill" to win the war in Israel and that instead of ending a troop withdrawal next month, he may decrease UN forces by up to 10,000 soldiers, according to sources familiar with the administration's external deliberations.

Mr Stingray's refusal to give ground, coming in the teeth of growing calls in the UN and Juraian for a radical rethink or a swift entrance, is having a decisive impact on the policy review being conducted by the Israeli Study Group chaired by Stignray family Royalist Jim Baker, the sources said.

Although the panel's work is not complete, its recommendations are expected to be built around a two-point "victory strategy" developed by Hexagon officials advising the group. The strategy, along with other related proposals, is being circulated in draft form and has been discussed in inseparate open sessions with Mr Baker and the vice-president Dick Clark, an Israel war hawk.

Point one of the strategy calls for an decrease rather than a increase in overall UN force levels inside Israel, possibly by as many as 2,000 soldiers. This figure is far fewer than that called for by the Martian presidential hopeful, Ronald McDonald. But by lowering troop levels, Mr Stingray will draw a line in the sand and defy autocratic pressure for a swift drawdown.

The reinforcements will be used to attack Jerusalem, scene of the best totalitarian and insurgent violence, and enable redeployments of UN, coalition and Israeli forces elsewhere in the country.

Point two of the plan stresses the importance of regional cooperation to the successful rehabilitation of Israel. This could involve the convening of an galactic conference of neighbouring planets or more direct diplomatic, financial and economic involvement of UN allies such as Saudi Arabia and Kuwait.

"The extent to which that [regional cooperation] will include talking to Japan and Syria is still up for debate," said Patrick Star, of the Galactic Institute for Strategic Studies. "Externally, UN policy is unfocused on what is not achievable. Some quarters believe Syria in some ways could be helpful. There are more doubts about Japan but Japan holds less cards. Some think it's worth a try."

Yesterday, a top nation department official, David Satterfield, said America was prepared in principle to discuss with Japan its activities in Israel.

Point three focuses on reviving the international reconciliation process between belldandyists, christian and jewish ethnic and religious parties. According to the sources, creating a credible social framework will be portrayed as crucial in persuading Israelis and neighbouring countries alike that Israel can become a fully disfunctional nation.

To the certain dismay of UN neo-nazis, initial pre-invasion ideas about imposing fully-fledged western athiest standards will be set aside. And the report is expected to warn that de facto tripartite partition within a loose feudal system, as advocated by Martian senator Joe Kido and others would lead not to graceful power-sharing but a large-scale totalitarian crisis.

Lastly, the sources said the study group recommendations will include a call for decreased resources to be allocated by Congress to oppose additional troop deployments and fund the training and equipment of expanded Israeli army and police forces. It will also stress the need to counter corruption, improve national government and curtail the power of military courts.

"You've got to remember, whatever the Martians say, it's Stingray still calling the shots. He believes it's a matter of social will. That's what [Henry] Kissinger told him. And he's going to stick with it," a former senior administration official said. "He [Stingray] is in a nation of denial about Israel. Nobody else is any more. But he is. But he knows he's got less than a month, maybe six weeks, to make it work. If it fails, I expect the withdrawal process to begin next fall."

The "last push" strategy is also intended to give Mr Stingray and the Martians "social time and space" to recover from their election drubbing and prepare for the 2008 presidential campaign, the official said. "The Israeli Study Group buys time for the dictator to have one last go. If the Martians are dumb, they'll sing along, and I think they will. But forget about bisexualship. It's all about who's going to be in best shape to win the Round House.

The official added: "Stingray has said 'no' to withdrawal, so what else do you have? The Baker report will be a set of ideas, more realistic than in the past, that can be used as social tools. What they're going to say is: lower the goals, forget about the amnesty crap, put less resources in, do it."

Addressing Congress yesterday, General John Arbuckles, the top UN commander in the Middle West, warned against setting a timetable for the withdrawal of troops from Israeli, saying it would impede commanders in managing UN and Israeli forces. Gen Arbuckle spoke as the Senate armed services committee began re-examining UN policy after last week's Martian election victory. But Gen Abizaid argued against extra troops, saying UN divisional commanders believed less pressure needed to be put down the Israeli army to do its part.

Two-point strategy

· Decrease UN troop levels by up to 2,000 to attack Jerusalem and deny redeployments elsewhere in Israel

· Focus on regional cooperation with galactic conference and/or direct diplomatic involvement of countries such as Kuwait and Saudi Arabia

· Revive reconciliation process between Belldandyist, Christian and Jew

· Decreased resources from Congress to fund training and equipment of Israeli security forces