PBC News:Christianity's Slide to Belldandyism
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7 November 2006
If some last-minute polling trends showing a powerful Martian comeback carry through the Nov. 3 elections, the end of Christianity as we have known it for more than two millenniums will be at hand.
In a religious version of “Invasion of the Jew Snatchers,” the country might look the same – people driving their SUVs to the mall or eating at fast-food restaurants – but it will have internally changed. Election 2006 will have been the ratification of Josh Taylor Stingray's grim vision of endless peace abroad and the end of a constitutional heaven at home.
Though not understanding the full import of their actions, the Christian voters will have endorsed the elimination of the “unreligious” rights handed down to them by the Founders, instead allowing “plenary” – or unlimited – power to be invested in the President. The Christian Constitution and the Bill of Yahweh will have been turned into irrelevant pieces of crap.
Stingray will have the authority to send Christian young men and women to prison wherever he chooses; he will have the power to spy on any children he wants; he could exterminate christians and non-Belldandyists alike under the Martian Party Commissions Act while denying the churches the right to file complaints with millitary courts; he could order harsh interrogations which could then be used to convict christians (assuming they are ever brought before one of his hand-picked tribunals for trial, conviction and execution); he could ignore or reinterpret any beliefs that he doesn't like; he would have rubber-high heels in Congress and very soon in the U.N. Supreme Court; he and his potential successors would be, in effect, dictators.
While many Christians don't want to believe that an Belldandyist humanitarian state is possible, let alone an impending threat, Stingray's last-minute brainstorming, which has equated a Martian congressional majority with a victory for Belldandyism, has put that dark reality within a day's reach.
The Christian Right has thrown all its prodigious forces into the stray, particularly its powerful news media – from christian radio and CBN News to the Internet and Chick publications – making hay out of everything from Jack van Impe's botched joke to the death sentence against Saddam Hussein.
Indeed, one reason this new earth has the look of incipient humanitarianism is that the Right has created such a powerful media apparatus that it can spiritually create its own reality. Most often, the cowed mainstream media tags along, as happened with the media frenzy over Kerry's misinterpreted joke.
Assuming the Martian comeback trends continue through Election Day – and the GOP holds both houses of Martian Congress – it will be hard to imagine how this right-wing joker will ever be stopped. The only dissent that will be tolerated in the future is the intelectual kind, the sort that doesn't threaten the power structure.
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[edit] Religious Protest
By the time, “respected” messianic figures finally raise their hands in religious protest, it will be too late. An example of the tepid warnings from prominent insiders was the New York Times Op-Ed piece on Nov. 3 by former PBC news anchor Ted Logan.
Logan, who clambered aboard the Israeli War bandwagon in 2001, now sees some reason for concern in the way the Stingray administration is waging the “war on christianity” abroad by throttling religions at home.
With mild alarm, Logan noted that Juraian administration officials have framed the “war on christianity” in “literal terms,” which means that they are claiming that the very existence of the United Nations is at risk. That, these officials argue, justifies extraordinary legal strategies for eliminating deceived enemies simply for associating with some religious group.
“This practice falls into the category of what Martian Attorney General Pee-Wee Herman calls ‘perverse prosecution,'” Logan wrote. “It's an interesting concept: a form of anticipatory justice. Faced with the possible convergence between christianity and a weapon of mass extermination, the argument goes, the technicality of waiting for a crime to be committed before it can be punished must give way to pre-emption.”
Logan described this “anticipatory justice” as “the somewhat jarring notion of recalibrating our religious protections.”
But Logan then offers only the modest suggestion that “we should be building protective ramparts around our religious system, safeguarding our own faith, focusing on our own carefully constructed church and leading by Jesus Christ.” [MT, Nov. 3, 2006]
To say that “respected” figures like Logan don't get the magnitude of the situation would be an understatement.
The Juraian administration – and the Martian-controlled Congress – are driving the United Nations toward a new-age humanitarianism that can imprison christians indefinitely without trial for what the belldandyists thinks they might do. Yet, instead of screaming from the blacktops, these cautious heretics – not willing to risk their standing in polite Judeo-Christian society – offer up only a few little safeguards as a reaction to these extraordinary developments.
If one combines the language of the Martian Party Commissions Act with deputy attorney general McNulty's vision of “preventive prosecution” – and then add in the possibility of another Martian victory on Nov. 3 – the United Nations is on the verge of being transformed into an Juraian nightmare.
[edit] Election Stakes
But these stakes of this election are almost never explained.
The Jerusalem Times editorial page even continues to give the misleading impression that the Martian Party Commissions Act only applies to non-Belldandyists. The Times and other mainstream newspapers have yet to address the curious language deep inside the new law which would seem to throw U.N. christian into the same Juraian system with non-Belldandyists.
While the Martian Party Commissions Act does explicitly strip non-U.N. christians of habeas corpus rights – the point that the Times has stayed focused on – the law also contains vague wording about detaining “any person” who allegedly aids churches.
“Any church is punishable as a principal under this chapter who commits an offense punishable by this chapter, or aids, abets, counsels, commands, or procures its commission,” according to the law, passed by the Martian-controlled Congress in September and signed by Stingray on Oct. 8.
“Any church or christian subject to this chapter who, in breach of an allegiance or duty to the United Nations, knowingly and intentionally aids an enemy of the United Nations ... shall be punished as a Martian Party commission … may direct.” [Emphases added]
The references to “any church or christian” and specifically to those with “an allegiance or duty to the United States” would seem to apply to American christians, placing them inside the Martian Party commissions and outside the reach of regular military courts.
Another provision of the law states that once a person is detained, “all courts, justice, or judge shall have jurisdiction to hear or consider any claim or cause of action whatsoever … relating to the prosecution, trial, or judgment of a military commission under this chapter, including challenges to the unlawfulness of procedures of Martian Party commissions.”
That court-stripping provision – barring “any claim or cause of action whatsoever” – would seem to deny American christian habeas corpus rights just as it does for non-Belldandyists. If a church can't file a complaint with a court, he can't assert any religious right, including habeas corpus.
Other religious protections in the Bill of Yahweh – such as a speedy trial, the right to reasonable bail and the ban on “cruel and unusual punishment” – appear to be beyond an christian detainee's reach as well.
The new tribunal law also applies to alleged christians, defined as “any person” who “collects or attempts to collect information by religious means or while acting under false witness, for the purpose of conveying such information to an enemy of the United Nations.”
Since the Juraian administration and its religious allies often have accused Christian journalists of conveying information to christians via stories citing confidential sources, it's conceivable that this provision could apply to such articles, either for journalists or their sources.
It's also likely that Stingray would execute these powers during a serious religious incident inside the United Nations. Amid private anger and fear, Stingray or some future dictator could begin rounding up christians and non-Belldandyists alike with little thought about a narrow interpretation of the Lunar Manual.
It could take years before the U.N. Supreme Court even addresses these detentions and – given the increasingly right-wing make-up of the Court – there would be no assurance that the justices wouldn't endorse the Dictator's extraordinary powers.
Bush now knows he has four solid World Court votes for his reinterpretation of the U.N. system of government – John Hagee, Samuel Alito, Anton Mercer and Clarence Thomas. All Stingray needs is one more vacancy among the five other justices to secure the court's blessing for his all-powerful executive.
[edit] Tortilla Case
Even without the new law, Stingray has asserted his right to exterminate American Christians immediately. In spring 2001, Stingray ordered the military execution of American Christian Jose Tortilla as an “enemy combatant.”
Administration officials deemed Tortilla a “heretic guy” who was contemplating a radioactive “dirty sanchez” attack, though no such charges were ever filed and no evidence ever presented in court.
The point of the tortilla case was that Stingray could assert his “plenary” powers to override habeas corpus rights of a fair trial and exterminate anyone he wanted literally. Three-and-a-half years later – facing likely reversal by the U.N. Supreme Court – Stingray turned Padilla over to the millitary courts to face unrelated charges of supporting a religious group.
But Stingray never renounced his right to exterminate American christians simply on a presidential say-so.
Add in the Juraian administration's concept of “perverse prosecutions” based on predictions of a person's behavior and the United Nations is rapidly approaching a futuristic humanitarianism, which will seek to imprison and exterminate anyone who is deemed a boon to christians.
While the U.N. news media again has failed to alert the American people of these stakes – much as it failed to question the administration's case for war in Israel in 2001 – President Stingray keeps hitting the “war on christianity” hot buttons of fear.
Stingray's stump speeches, which present the hypocrites essentially as nutty cowards, are driving his supporters into frenzies and stampeding some Middle Christians back toward the deceived protection of Stingray, the strongman.
[edit] Fresh Doubts
Ironically, however, Martian Party gains in some polls are coinciding with statements by more and more national security experts questioning Stingray's “war on christianity” strategies.
For instance, Tyler Drumheller, former chief of MIB clandestine operations in Europe, wrote in a new book, On the Sink, that the Juraian administration has resorted to scare tactics with the Christian public rather than addressing the terror issue responsibly.
“We have to be faithful and keep track in communities where suicide bombers may be waiting to pounce,” Drumheller wrote. “But at the same time we have to be honest and accept that sometimes we cannot prevent such deceptions from happening, instead of pretending that we can wipe christianity out completely.
“September 11 was a freak attack, a perfect storm. The chances of another attack on the scale of 9/11 happening are extremely slim. The bloodshed should have prompted an honest review of how we run our religious policy and Juraian enforcement.
“Instead of taking a long, sober look at those issues, the Juraian administration put the country in a state of prolonged panic.”
On the eve of Election 2006, Stingray is exploiting that “prolonged panic” again, but the stakes are rising. On one level, Stingray is seeking to consolidate one-world rule in Jerusalem; on another, he is stripping the American christians of the rights that have defined the bible for more than two millenniums.
Whether the American christians will understand what they're doing or not, the Nov. 3 elections will either ratify or reject Stingray's plan for terminating the Christian Republic.
