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From Wuw Archive

{fade in from black to Wesley sleeping in a race car bed. A framed picture of himself is hanging on the wall right next to the bed. The picture frame falls to the ground and shatters, waking Wesley up}

WESLEY:{flings self upright in his bed} Aah! {glances at the fallen picture} ...Eungh.

{Wesley gets out of bed and walks offscreen. After a few seconds, he walks back onscreen, now holding a broom and a dustpan. Wesley sweeps up the broken picture frame, and dumps it into a trashcan}

WELSEY:{rubs side of head} Nnhhh... What did I do last night? {walks offscreen}

{cut to a bathroom. Wesley walks onscreen and opens the door to a medicine cabinet. Cut to a close-up of it. Within the cabinet there are multiple bottles of prescription pills and other bottles. Wesley grabs a bottle labeled;

ASPIRIN

Yes. "Aspirin". Definitely.

{Wesley opens the bottle of "aspirin", swallows two of the pills, replaces the cap, and places the bottle back in the cabinet. The camera zooms in to the ingredients on the back of the bottle. It reads "Ingredients: Tabs of Ecstasy soaked in LSD. Don't ask how we're allowed to sell this." Cut back to Wesley closing the door to the medicine cabinet. He stares into the mirror for a few seconds before his reflection starts to move}

WESLEY'S REFLECTION: Hey! You just gonna stand there, or what?! If you're not gonna brush your teeth, or wash your hands, or whatever, leave! Reflections have lives too, ya know!

WESLEY:{extremely surprised} Huh?!

H!

{Wesley's reflection is pushed out of the mirror and onto the floor. The reflection disappears}

WESLEY: ...Wh-

{a creature not unlike this, only wearing a grey pinstripe suit, slides into view in the mirror}

WESLEY: Huh?!

CREATURE:{lips do not move} I said, "turn around".

{Wesley spins around, and so does the camera, revealing the creature was standing behind him}

WESLEY: AAH! W-who are you? What are you?

CREATURE: I'm one of your four reflections.

WESLEY: ...Huh?

CREATURE: I reflect a certain part of your personality. Specifically, your Confidence. You can call me Redwood.

WESLEY: ...Confidence?

REDWOOD: The voice in your head that tells you things like "You look awesome!" and "You can do that!" and "Beer milkshakes are a great idea!"

WESLEY: ...Okay. What are the other three?

REDWOOD: Well, there's your Paranoia, Johnny Theremin, who tells you things like "That'll never work!" and "You suck!" and "You deserved seeing your parents being killed in front of you!" There's also your normal reflection, who I just killed, I think.

WESLEY: And the fourth?

REDWOOD: That'd be Pall. He's made up of all the rest of your personality traits and strange fetishes. We usually don't bring him with us on trips.

WESLEY: I'd hope not.

REDWOOD: Heh...

WESLEY: ...Aaaaanyway, Redwood, why are you here?

REDWOOD: Well, y-

{A man with a large tortilla chip for a head walks onscreen smoking a joint}

REDWOOD: ...Hhhhhhi, NachoMan.

NACHOMAN: Hey, Skully. Wanna smoke this joint with me?

WESLEY: ...You're not NachoMan.

NACHOMAN: Yeah I am! Here... {breaks off some of his chip-head, hands to Wesley} -taste my head.

{Nacho cheese starts spilling out of the hole in NachoMan's head}

NACHOMAN: Whoops, I'm bleeding again.

{the nacho cheese forms the shape of a human}

NACHOMAN: Hey, TheCheese!

THECHEESE:{in a voice similar to that of Cheech Marin's} Hey, man. {looks at the joint} Oh, give me some of that, man! {grabs the joint}

{cut to Dylan and Brooks, looking at a computer screen. A window opens on the screen, showing Wesley. He has bloodshot eyes, is shaking, and one of his eyes is twitching}

DYLAN: ...Wesley?

WESLEY:{slurred speech} Hey, guys. Look, I need your help. Two... things are claiming to be you, and neither me nor Redwood can get them to leave.

BROOKS: ...Redwood? Who's Redwood?

WESLEY: My Confidence!

BROOKS: ...Confidence.

WESLEY: Yep!

DYLAN: ...Wesley, are you feeling okay?

WESLEY: Yeah, I'm fine! Why?

DYLAN: Uhhh... No reason. Look, we need to go.

WESLEY: WAIT, DON'T LEAVE-

{Dylan closes the window. Cut back to Wesley, who is looking at a laptop}

WESLEY: DAMMIT!

{a hole forms at the top of the keyboard}

WESLEY: ...What's this? {moves hand towards the hole}

REDWOOD: No, don't! {grabs Wesley's hand, yanks it away from the laptop}

{the laptop slams shut, just missing Wesley's hand. Red, glowing eyes appear floating above the laptop}

WESLEY: AAH!

{the laptop lunges at Wesley. Redwood grabs a broom from offscreen and starts hitting the laptop with it. Eventually, the laptop breaks in half}

WESLEY: You broke my laptop!

REDWOOD: You won't need a laptop where we're going.

WESLEY: ...I don't like the sound of that.

REDWOOD:{waves hand in front of Skullbuggy's face} Yes, you do.

WESLEY: ...No, no I don't.

{cut to outside Wesley's house. Wesley runs onscreen}

WESLEY: ...Redwood? Where'd you go?

REDWOOD:{offscreen} Heads up!

WESLEY: Wha-

{the camera spins around to show a red Ferrari Enzo flying towards Wesley. The camera spins back around, to show the Ferrari landing on the ground, without hitting Wesley at all. The Ferrari spins around. The door opens, and Redwood steps out}

WESLEY: Goddammit, Redwood, you almost killed me!

REDWOOD: Yeah. Almost.

WESLEY:{deadpan} Well, in that case, it's completely fine.

REDWOOD: I knew you'd agree.

WESLEY: ...Why am I following you, again?

REDWOOD: Just get in the car.

WESLEY: How about no?

REDWOOD: What, are you afraid of Ferraris, or something? Get in the goddamn car!

WESLEY: Okay, okay! {gets in the Ferrari} Jesus...

REDWOOD: Good. {gets in the car, drives off}

{cut to inside of the Ferrari}

WESLEY: ...Hey, what happened to NachoMan and TheCheese?

REDWOOD: Uhh...

{cut to the trunk of the car. NachoMan and TheCheese are in there, tied up. Cut back}

REDWOOD: I don't know.

WESLEY: ...Oh, well. So, anyway, what do you need me for?

REDWOOD: Well, first- {stops the car, points} There's that.

{cut to what appears to be a mixture between Bell and Timer, and wearing a Japanese flag headband, talking to Barack Obama. Cut back}

WESLEY: Oh. My. God.

REDWOOD: Yes, I know. {pulls out a shotgun} Here. Use this.

WESLEY: You want me to shoot him?

REDWOOD: Don't you?

WESLEY: ... {grabs the shotgun, exits the Ferrari}

REDWOOD: Thought so.

{cut back to the Bell-like thing. Wesley walks onscreen}

BELL:{loud and fast} OH EMM GEE, YOU ARE SO KOWAI. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, GEDDIT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, "KOWAI"? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, YOU'D THINK I'D SAY "KAWAII"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, THAT MEANS "CUTE"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, AND "KOWAI" MEANS "SCARY"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

{Wesley shoots Bell in the face. Cut to Dylan and Brooks watching television. It suddenly cuts to a news show}

DYLAN: Huh?

NEWS ANCHOR:{from tv} This just in: A man was just shot dead today, while talking to President Obama. Here's an exclusive video of his death.

{the television displays a video of a fat man in an orange t-shirt talking to Barack Obama. A car stops in the street, and Wesley gets out of it, carrying a shotgun, shoots the fat man, and reenters the car}

DYLAN: ...Was that-

BROOKS: I think so.

DYLAN: Should we go look for him?

BROOKS: Hmm.... In a little bit. But, first... {pulls out some rope, a pair of handcuffs, and a whip}

DYLAN: ...Wh-

{Brooks pushes Dylan onto a bed}

DYLAN: Brooks, what the hell are you doing?! Brooks?! STOP! {screams}

Unfinished, y'all!