Super Sam accidentally the entire Wiki User Wiki.

From Wuw Archive

{open to black. Fade in. the camera zooms in on a map of the land of Gwid, towards the "Ponnor Forest", past that to a large forest, then inwards to a series of large stone turds. The zoom slows up as it comes towards one of many small, pear-shaped openings in the turd, which is labeled "417". Fade into the inside of the opening. Puffbat is spinning around on a top. The top falls over and he bonks his head. Suddenly, a ding is heard from his computer. Puffbat waddles over to the computer and winds it up, and then sits down to check his email.}

PUFFBAT: {subtitles as he pants} Oh, somewhere... over the email... creep-nerds sing...

subj: relations

Dear Captain Puffbeard,
Are Puffbats genetically related to humans in any way?
Sincerely,
Captain Bellstrom

P.S. YARR

{Puffbat reads the email, muttering to himself, then begins to type.}

PUFFBAT: {panting as he types} Ahoy, Captain Bellstrom! Although I'm no captain, you can call me Captain Puffbeard... anyways, are Puffbats related to humans? Let's look it up!

{cut to a Puffbattian library. Puffbat is flipping through a book made out of a matchbook. A librarian sits in the background behind a desk.}

PUFFBAT: {subtitles as he pants} Ah, there we go. The evolutionary tree of Puffbats.

{cut to inside the book. A continent appears with a gradually changing shape.}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} Long ago, about 2 billion years ago, a massive continent broke up into many pieces. {the continent breaks up} Now, each of these pieces had their own species, but most of them were the same. On each one, there was a creature called Casinycteris argynnis, or golden fruit bat. {a picture of a fruit bat appears on each piece} Gradually, as the continent-pieces drifted apart, {the continents drift apart} the fruit bats could no longer breed across, and thus adapted to life in their region.

{cut back to Puffbat suddenly. He looks up from the book.}

PUFFBAT: {subtitles as he pants} I'm sorry, am I boring you?

LIBRARIAN: Shhh!

{Puffbat turns back to the book. Cut back to the continent.}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} Each variety started to change, {as the continents drift, each fruit bat change shape numerous times} and within two million years, they were all so different, that they couldn't breed if they wanted to.

BATS: {various growling, squeaking and screeching noises}

{zoom in on the northern continent, showing a picture of a monstrous white bat}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} On the northern continent of Clath, the golden fruit bat adapted to horribly cold temperatures, and became huge and albino, with giant claws, teeth, and a wingspan of twelve feet.

CLATH BAT: RAAAWWWWRRLLARRR

{pan over to the eastern continent, which has a picture of a tall, thin, green bat with tentacles}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} On the eastern continent of Henc, they adapted to strong winds and became a sort of air-jellyfish that floated in the breeze.

HENC BAT: Woooooooooowwoooooowwooooooooowooooo

{pan over to the southern continent, which shows a picture of an extremely small bronze-colored bat with giant eyes}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} On the southern continent of Tyff, they adapted to high concentrations of minerals and gems, and became small and covered with rock deposits to survive in the tough volcanic land.

TYFF BAT: gurggrlleguurgglelgurrrgerll

{pan over to the western continent of Gwid, which shows a Puffbat.}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} And on the western continent of Gwid, they adapted to the temperate climate and forests, and became fat and numerous. That's us, the Puffbats.

GWID BAT: Hehhh-hehhhh-hehhhh.

{zoom out to see all the continents. The map wraps around into a globe and starts spinning rapidly.}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} Now, where do humans fall into this? I dunno. As far as I know, humans came from like, another planet.

{a flying saucer flies over the globe, which slows to a stop and unwraps. The spacecraft lands in Gwid and a man and a woman come out. They start making out, and the resident Puffbats start throwing up after watching them.}

PUFFBAT: {voiceover} None of us Puffbats are too comfortable with humans, because they cut down our forests and hunt us for sport. We only know that about a thousand years ago was when the humans landed and started *ick* making out to *blech* populate the planet. As if it wasn't populated already... Anyways, I'm pretty sure that as long as that ancient UFO is standing in the forest, that humans aren't related to Puffbats.

{cut back to Puffbat in the library suddenly. He slams the book shut and drops it on the table.}

PUFFBAT: {subtitles as he pants} And that's the story!

LIBRARIAN: SHHH!

{cut to outside the library entrance, which is hole number 8096 rimmed with green paint. Puffbat is booted out in a similar manner to The Sneak. Puffbat catches himself and starts flying in midair.}

PUFFBAT: {subtitles as he pants} Oh, yeah? Well so's your hatcher!

{cut back to the computer. Puffbat waddles in and sits down. He starts typing.}

PUFFBAT: {panting as he types} Well, I got kicked out of the library, and my library card is suspended for a few days, but I learned a whole lot! And you did too! {types the emoticon} :D Tune in next time!

{lettering fades in over Puffbat's head, saying "[[Puffbat Emails#Inbox|Click here to email Puffbat!"}