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From Wuw Archive

{The episode starts off with Gilligan's new house. Tracy and Gilligan are on the couch sweating a lot}

GILLIGAN So... {Pant} freaking... {Pant} HOT!!!

TRACY: Yeah, if only there was a pool in Wiki City...

TELEVISON: Attention Wiki City residents! Are you tired of this heat? Well, fortunately for you, there's a new pool in town!

TRACY: ...How coincidental. So, should we go?

GILLIGAN: {Shudders} Bleh... water....

TRACY: What-what's wrong?

GILLIGAN: Dude... I'm half-cat. I hate water!

TRACY: Well, what about blood? We could go to my dad's house to use his blood-filled pool.

GILLIGAN: Okay, that sounds a little creepy... but anything is better then water!

TRACY: Right. Now, before I warp you to my dad's house, you have two choices. Either knock yourself unconscious, or be awake during the warp. To help you choose, warping is like this; you are ripped into a mass of molecules, thrown into the Total Perspective Vortex, and then forcibly thrown into the place you desire to warp to, and then are put back together. It drives most mortals insane.

GILLIGAN: I'll choose the first one... {Gives Tracy a baseball bat}

TRACY: Good choice. {holds up a photo of a man strapped tightly to a stretcher with an unhinged jaw and eyes partly popped out of his sockets} This is a photo who chose to stay awake. {hits Gilligan in the back of the head with the bat, grabs him, warps away}

{A few minutes later...}

{Giligan and Tracy are in the blood filled pool}

GILLIGAN: {Head pops out from the blood} I think I just saw a corpse...

TRACY: Really? Let me check. {dives down, a few seconds later, a corpse flies out of the pool. Tracy comes back up} It's just a corpse of one of my dad's clones. They're everywhere. {glances at a Bell clone's corpse hanging from a nearby tree}

GILLIGAN: I take back what I said last night at the movie... you AND your dad scare me sometimes...

TRACY: It's part of our DNA.

{One day later...}

{Gilligan and Tracy are on the couch in Gilligan's house}

GILLIGAN: {Sighs sadly}

TRACY: What's wrong?

GILLIGAN: I was just thinking of yesterday... there are times when I wish I didn't hate water so much...

TRACY: Like what? Use as much flashbacks you can. {points to a square cloud looking through the window} Maybe White Cloud Border will leave.

GILLIGAN: Like that one day in junior high... {Flashback begins}

TRACY: Hey Gilligan! Watch out! There's a couple of bullies headed your way!

GILLIGAN: Oh noes! {Runs away. Crashes into a bully} Aw, jeez...

BULLY: Heh heh. Hey, WIMP!

GILLGIAN Uh... heh... hi... I'm just gonna go now... {Turns in the other direction}

BULLY: Oh no you don't! {grabs Gilligan's shirt}

GILLIGAN: Let me go or I'll...um...I'll.... cry?

BULLY:{sarcastically} Oh, I'm so scared!

TRACY:{runs up behind the bully and hits him in the back of the head with a trash can.}

GILLIGAN: {Runs past the bully} CHEESE IT!!!

TRACY: Gaah! {runs away}

GILLIGAN: {Running followed by Tracy. Crashes into two bullies blocking Gilligan and Tracy's path.} AAAH!!! CHEESE IT!!! {Runs the other way. Two other bullies are blocking their path again. Gilligan and Tracy are surrounded} ...Crap!

TRACY: Hmm... You think they deserve to have their minds destroyed?

GILLIGAN: Um... that may be a little too harsh...

TRACY: Right... Umm... {to bullies} Hey, look over there! A defenseless nerd!

BULLIES: ... {Run off yelling "Where!?"}

TRACY: Let's get outta here...

GILLIGAN: Hold on, I gotta use the bathroom. {Walks into a nearby bathroom. The bully from before is there. Another bully blocks the way out} Um... hey man... hows it going? Heh... sorry about my friend hitting you over the head with a trash can... heh...

{a bat sleeping on the ceiling wakes up, jumps down, transforms into Tracy, and bashes the two bullies' heads together}

TRACY: There. Now, if you excuse me, I need to go destroy myself, since there is already another me waiting outside. {walks into a stall. flushing can be heard, a puddle of blood appears from under the stall. An explosion destroys the stall and the blood}

{Flashback ends}

GILLIGAN: Wow... that had nothing to do with water at all...

TRACY: Maybe your fear of water came from watching one of my clones destroy himself with a toilet...

GILLIGAN: Hmmm... theres only one way to figure out why I hate it so much... we're going to have to ask........ MY MOM!!!

TRACY: Who IS?

GILLIGAN: You know... Isabelle Strunner! {Gives Tracy a bat} We're gonna have to warp though...

TRACY: Oh. Of course. Now, where does she live?

GILLIGAN: At my dad's house.

TRACY: ...Enough of the vagueness. Where is your father's house? And if you don't tell me the exact location, {demonic voice} SO HELP ME I WILL BEAT YOU TO A BLOODY PULP AND THEN CREMATE THE REMAINS AND RESHAPE THEM INTO AN EFFIGY OF RICK ASTLEY. {normal} 'Kay?

GILLIGAN: ... {Girly scream}

{Two days later...}

GILLIGAN: {Still screaming. Stops.} Wait... don't you find it odd that we haven't been doing or saying anything in the past two days?

TRACY:{is now wearing an Uncle Sam costume} No, not really. He- {glances at real-world Bell, who can be seen through a mirror} -was on vacation.

GILLIGAN: Oh yeah... anyway, my dads house is right beside the House level in Katamari Damacy.

TRACY: Oh. Okay, then. {hits Gilligan with the bat, grabs him, warps away}

{Meanwhile...}

ISABELLE: {In Badstar's house, sitting on the couch. Reading a book.}

BADSTAR'S VOICE: Ummm... dear? I'm stuck in the toilet again!

ISABELLE: {Sighs and gets up. Starts walking towards the bathroom, but a knock on the door is heard} Oh. I'll get it! {Walks to the front door and opens it}

TRACY: Hello, Ms. Strunner. I'm Tracy, your son's friend.

{Gilligan is beside Tracy. Hes on the ground, his head is bruised, and hes uncouncious}

ISABELLE: Err... why is he-

TRACY: The effects of warping while conscious would drive him insane. {nudges Gilligan} Wake up. We're here.

GILLIGAN: {Eyes open slightly} Wha? Oh yeah... hi mom!

{A few minutes later...}

{Gilligan and Tracy are in the house. Isabelle is there too.}

ISABELLE: So, what brings you boys here?

TRACY: Well, we're trying to learn why Gilligan has become so much afraid of water. Flashbacks haven't work-{notices White Cloud Border looking through the window} ...I'll be right back. {gets out shotgun, runs off. WCB runs, too. A gunshot it heard. Tracy walks back in, and sits back down}

ISABELLE: The answer to that is pretty obvious. Cats hate water. The same thing applies to cat people too.

TRACY: Yes, I understand that, but, Gilligan had told me he wasn't always afraid of water.

GILLIGAN: ...I never said that.

TRACY: Oh? Really? {gets out a copy of the script, rereads it} Oh. I thought you said that in your 9th line. Oops.

{A few minutes later... again....}

{Gilligan and Tracy are walking away from the house}

GILLIGAN: Thats it. I have had it! I'm going to try and conquer my hatred of water!

TRACY:{now wearing a russian army outfit} Conquering? Where? ...Oh. Your hatred of water. Oops. {clothes revert to normal} Sorry about that, megalomania is also something that I got from my father.

GILLIGAN: Hmmmm... I just got the perfect idea on how to conquer my water hatred!

{Cut to Gilligan and Tracy in the middle of an ocean in a row boat.}

GILLIGAN: {Panicked} THIS ISN'T WHAT I HAD IN MIND!!!!!

TRACY: Wait, how did we get here? You just said "I just got the perfect idea on how to conquer my water hatred!" and then we were stuck in the middle of the Atlantic on a kayak!

GILLIGAN: Ummmmmmmmmmmm.... I don't know......

TRACY: Okay, let me try... Kayaking in the water...

{cut to Tracy's view. he closes his eyes. Cut to the normal view. Tracy opens his eyes}

TRACY: ...Crap.

{pan out to show they are now heading for a waterfall}

GILLIGAN: {Faints}

TRACY: ...Good. {warps himself, the kayak, and Gilligan away right before they go over the edge}

{cut to a peaceful stream. Tracy, Gilligan, and the kayak warp in}

TRACY:{nudges Gilligan} Wake up.

GILLIGAN: {Wakes up} Ugh.... whats going on?

TRACY: Now we're in a rather peaceful stream, which I ironically rented for this day to go kayaking prior to this fear-conquering.

GILLIGAN: {Stares at water} Ummm..... how long do we have to stay out here?

TRACY: Until this doesn't cause you to scream bloody murder. {splashes Gilligan with some water} It's a good thing nobody's here to get their ears destroyed by your screaming. {notices that kid from 8-Bit Theatre who is always being traumatized} ...Nobody important anyway...

GILLIGAN: {Hisses loudly and punches Tracy in the face}

TRACY:{gets up. now has large scratch marks on his face} ...One; How did I get these scratches? I didn't see your claws hit me at all. And two; shouldn't I be ble-{head explodes into blood, bleeds all over the 8BT kid}

GILLIGAN: Sorry about that. My instincts kicked in.

TRACY:{replaces self with fresh clone} It's fine. ...{grins evilly, holds 8BT kid in front of face, splashes more water onto Gilligan}

GILLIGAN: {Hisses loudly again and rips off Tracy's leg} Oh crap! I'm so sorry!

TRACY:{leg regenerates} It's fine. I should have known better than to try to get you to hit something half my size.

GILLIGAN: {Looking around. Sees signs that say, "Danger! Rapids!", "Seriously, guys. Stop. You're gonna die!", "Stop already, dumbasses..." and "Fine, die. See if I care!"} I think we're going the wrong way.

TRACY: ...Great. I should probably teleport us to the OTHER calm stream. But first... {throws the 8BT kid into the rapids} Hehehe. {knocks out Gilligan, teleports self, Gilligan, and the boat away}

{cut to another calm and peaceful stream. Tracy, Gilligan, and the kayak warp in. Tracy wakes up Gilligan}

TRACY: You know, you're probably losing a lot of brain cells because of me knocking you out so much.

GILLIGAN: {Speaks pure gibberish for a few seconds} Pudding eats girrafes in september..

TRACY: ...Right.

{An hour later...}

GILLIGAN: {Huddled up at the edge of the boat, cowering in fear.} I don't think I can take this much longer... CAN WE GO HOME NOW!?

TRACY: ...Fine. I guess we couldn't cure your fear of water. {knocks out Gilligan, grabs him, jumps into the sky, destroys the kayak, warps away}

{cut back to Gilligan's house. Tracy and Gilligan warp in. Tracy awakens Gilligan}

GILLIGAN: {Head is bleeding a lot. Speaks pure gibberish for 20 seconds, then passes out} {Muterring uncounciously} Call...an...ambulance...

ITS OVER!!!