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Revision as of 20:43, 27 June 2009

Part 1: You Got Talent?

{Cut to the dock}

CHRIS: Last time on Total Drama Island...

{flashback to scenes from the previous episode}

CHRIS: Campers were put through the classic game of ****ball. However, Austin decided to **** Bruce out before the challenge even started, leaving the Gophers at a disadvantage. Even though Bruce was out of commision, he still **** at the right time to save Kale from becoming Marowak food, and even the Bass hated Austin's actions enough to vote him off the island.

{Cut back to Chris}

CHRIS: So, how will the Bass cope with voting off their strongest competitor? Will the Gophers rise above? Find out here, today, on TOTAL...DRAMA...ISLAND!

{Cue the opening}

{Cut to the Bass Cabin}

GEOFF: Urgh...the ****ball game sucked...

TEX: Well now I can **** easy. Austin's gone.

LUCAS: I hear ya, *****.

{Cut to the Gopher Cabin}

FANG: Nice **** there, Bruce!

KALE: Bruce...you ****ed my life!

BRUCE: What haven't I ever done for you? {chuckles}

CHRIS: {over intercom} Campers! To the mess hall for ****, and then to the campfire for the challenge!

{Cut to the Mess Hall, Chef is giving food to the campers. He drops what looks like a perfectly fine slab of meat for Ashley. She grins. The meat then melts into slop and Ashley facepalms}

CHRIS: Campers! Do you have ****? Well, if you do, you're going to love this challenge! It's the Wawanakwa **** Contest! Campers select three from their team to **** their stuff, and show us what they can do! Chef will rate it on the Chef-o-meter, and the highest **** win!

TOM: So...what can we all do?

FOXX: Hm...well...I can rip a **** in half.

VAN: I can hold my **** for 30 seconds...

FOXX: I could rip you in half...

VAN: Um...no thanks.

JESS: Tom, you could ****.

TOM: W-whuh?

JESS: I heard you last night. You were beautiful.

TOM: Nah, I'm not that good...well, okay. I'll ****.

GEOFF: I can retry my **** stunts.

RYAN: Hm...what can I do?

ASHLEY: I have an idea. I jump from a plane and land on all fours.

RYAN: How is that possible?!

ASHLEY: It's a cat thing...

CHRIS: Meet at the ampitheater at 6 PM. But for now, eat, and practice.

{Cut to a field beside the cabins where the Gophers are practicing}

TOM: I'm not sure if I should ****...

{Outhouse Cam: Tom}

TOM: It's nice to know you have a talent, but it just feels bad expressing it...and then along came Jess...

{Cut back}

JESS: Don't be afraid, Tom. Go on and ****.

TOM: I...I...I will! Thanks.

VAN: So...Kale, what can you do?

KALE: I've...well...I can **** stuff real well.

BRUCE: I can-

KALE: WE KNOW. YOU CAN RIPPLE YOUR FRIGGEN ****.

BRUCE: Nope...I can **** Beethoven's 5th.

KALE: Ew...well, I can't believe I'm saying this...but...do it. Do your fart ****.

{Bruce attempts to ****}

KALE: NOT NOW!

PTER: Wait till you see what I can do.

FANG: Oh yeah? Well...what I have planned is impossible to do!

{Cut to the Bass, practicing}

GEOFF: Has anyone seen my skateboard?

TEX: Here ya go. Got it from the cabin.

GEOFF: Thanks, man!

RYAN: Jeez...I dunno what to do.

FENRI: Scarf down a bunch of Chef's..."****." Without puking.

RYAN: Maybe...

ELYSSA: Try not to **** up, Luc.

LUCAS: Eh...ok.

Part 2: The Reel Big Show

{Cut to the Ampitheater}

CHRIS: Welcome, campers, to the Wawanakwa Talent Show! We've got our 8 ****ing campers performing their skills, so let's see them strut their stuff! First up for the Bass is...Geoff!

{Lucas and Elyssa carry a skate ramp on, Geoff rushes in on a skateboard and does several tricks on the ramp}

CHRIS: Nice ****, Geoff! Let's see what Chef thinks.

{Chef-O-Meter: 7/10}

CHRIS: Not bad, not bad. Now...let's go to the Gophers! Pter is next!

{Pter flies up onto the stage area. He raises his **** in the air and stands silent with focus. All of a sudden, a storm comes and a lightning bolt shoots into Pter's hands. He fires the charged ball of electricity into a faraway ****, knocking it down}

CHRIS: Very impressive! Now...what does Chef have to say?

{Chef-O-Meter: 9/10}

CHRIS: Nice score, Pter. Now...we have Ashley!

{Cut to a plane, Ashley stands there ready to ****}

ASHLEY: If I die, I'll live to regret it.

{Ashley plunges from the plane and onto the stage. She lands perfectly on her hands and feet.}

ASHLEY: Woah! I'm still alive!

{Chef-O-Meter: 8.5/10}

CHRIS: Good job, Ashley. Now, Gophers, pick someone to go next!

TOM: Um...I think we still need to prepare more. How about another Bass?

CHRIS: Hm...okay. Ryan? It's your turn!

RYAN: Okay. Bottoms up...

{Ryan takes out a tub of Chef's ****, and ****s it}

RYAN: Oog...I think I made it. {Ryan gags}

{Outhouse Cam: Chef}

CHEF: Come on! I've tasted my ****! Why do all these campers expect something good?!

{Cut back}

{Chef-O-Meter: 6/10}

CHRIS: Eh...could be better. Next!

{Bruce comes on}

BRUCE: I really hope those tacos worked...

{Bruce successfully ****s Beethoven's 5th}

VARIOUS WATCHING CAMPERS: Ew...ick...gross! {other words of disgust}

{Chef-O-Meter: 7/10}

CHRIS: Okay...give us some time to air out...Tom! It's your turn.

{Tom walks on with a guitar}

TOM: This is a song for a certain someone in the crowd; a certain someone in my team.

{Tom starts playing the guitar}

TOM: {1,2,3,4 by the Plain White T's}

1 2, 1 2 3 4-
Give me more lovin' than I've ever had, 
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad, 
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not, 
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Barely gettin' mad, 
I'm so glad I found you; I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

{The audience cheers}

CHRIS: Well, Tom. It seems the campers ****ed it. Now...Chef?

{Chef-O-Meter: 8/10}

{Outhouse Cam: Chef}

CHEF: Kid's got a nice ****.

{Cut back}

CHRIS: There are two campers left. Why don't we bring out Lucas?

{Lucas walks out with a Flying V Guitar and starts playing the intro to Enter Sandman by Metallica}

LUCAS:

Say your prayers little one
Dont forget, my son
To include everyone

Tuck you in, warm within
Keep you free from sin
Till the sandman he comes

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land

CHRIS: Woah! That was some sweet ****ing! Now Chef's opinion...

{Chef-O-Meter: 9.5/10}

CHRIS: I think we have our winner...that is unless Fang can top that!

{Fang walks on}

FANG: Here goes!

{Fang removes his own *****. The other campers seem unimpressed}

FANG: What? I'm one of the only ones of you who can do this! Wait, watch!

{Fang sits and removes his legs}

FANG: What?!

ELYSSA: I think I recall this happening...

TEX: Yeah. And WHY.

{Flashback to the first episode}

{Fang lands and breaks apart on a rock}

SOME OF THE SG: Oooh...ow...

BRUCE: You still alive?

FANG: I've got mechanical implants, I'm fine...

{Flash forward}

FANG: Oh, you guys wouldn't know talent if it bit you in the butt!

{Chef-O-Meter: 1.5/10}

CHRIS: It looks like the Bass win this!

{The Killer Bass cheer}

CHRIS: Gophers! To the campfire!

Part 3: GTFO: Get The **** Out

{Cut to the Campfire}

CHRIS: Campers, your votes are in. Whoever does not recieve a **** must hit the Dock of *******s and make their way to the loser boat. And you can NEVER return. The first marshmallow goes to...Bruce.

{Chris tosses a marshmallow to the following}

CHRIS: Kale, Foxx, Tom, Megan, Jess, Kyubii.

{One is left (OH ****)}

CHRIS: And the final marshmallow goes to...Pter.

{Pter is given his marshmallow}

CHRIS: Ok, Fang. Time to ****!

FANG: Good riddance.

{Cut to Fang on the Boat of Losers}

FANG: You guys suck, you know that?

TOM: Hey! Get some REAL talent!

FANG: I'll show you real talent soon enough!

{Fang sails away}

CHRIS: Okay! Get some hard earned rest, Gophers. Next challenge is a gruesome one!

{Credits}