"Fortitudine Vincimus"

-By Endurance We Conquer-

Episode 1

Dear friends - the spring is upon us again. The time of healing, new future, and hope. At a time like this, my heart fills with yearning for something intangible - perhaps just for a simpler life, perhaps something else. It must be all the green plants growing, the little buzzing insects and the song of birds that make my mind so sensitive to things I would never think of at any other time of the year. As for simplicity - I was just outside today, watering and weeding my prize begonias. My wife and my son-in-law watched me toil away, carrying the water, kneeling to pull out the weeds. I let them watch. After all, they are the ones who support me now that I have been convicted for breaking and entering Elton John's mansion in Georgia. It's appalling, isn't it? He does not even live there - he hardly visits the place! And the piano I smashed can be replaced easily. And besides, it wasn't as though I took anything of importance; just the flamboyant sunglasses he wore when he performed at Carnegie Hall.

When I was deep in these thoughts, my son-in-law made a few remarks about the glasses - I was wearing them against the piercing sunshine - and I answered him good-naturedly enough... but then, all of a sudden, something occurred to me. Why do some people take possessions so seriously? I can understand why Elton John would price sunglasses over family - I am in no way an uptight man - but we see the same behaviour in perfectly ordinary people! Everyone I know worries more about the money they make rather than the friends they have. But not I. I learned after the theft of these sunglasses that only my family matters to me, not the charges that are pending in the court system. Do any of my so-called friends even remember the time when hippies practically forced us to wear sunglasses all the time? I bet they don't! Always remember - you are lucky if you can decide when to wear your glasses. For myself, I am content to wear them when doing my gardening - not after dark. And despite all the little differences I may be having with my son-in law, he agrees with me on this.

Episode 2

Greetings, my dear beloved friends! Summer is here again to bring joy into our hearts and souls. It is the time of warm and star-studded nights, bright, fulfilling relationships, agreeable weather - and an overwhelming abundance of growth in the family garden this year! I pass row after row of ripening vegetables: zucchinis, carrots, cucumbers - all succulent, nipping at the sunlight in a state of simple bliss. I hear my wife hustle and bustle in the kitchen, preparing some homemade biscuits for tonight's supper, and I must gather some fresh herbs for the evening's festivities. As I pluck a few leaves of basil I contemplate my terms of endearment. It is always joyous to meet with one's family, but this time there will also be solemn discussions.

Going back to the house, I pause for a moment to watch the children frolic in the nearby playground. Their innocent laughter is like a healing salve on the wounds I have received during my long life. Those children are not yet aware of what life can be like - a bit the same way I wasn't aware that the girl I met in my shed last Tuesday night was sort of underage, and kind of related to me. It was dark and all, and she did not exactly tell me that she was the offspring of my wife's daughter. Don't take me wrong, though: my wife has been married before and the daughter she has is not mine. But I do not blame her for that; I mean, I'm not fussy that way. And the young girl certainly was as eager to her purpose as I am now.

I pause again at the front door. My son-in-law should be arriving shortly. I have a feeling I know exactly what he is going to tell me; how he considers pressing charges against me. After that, he will probably go all magnanimous on me, saying that he will let this time pass, seeing how I'm his kin, in a way. I also know how my wife feels about all this, and there's nothing I can do to help her reaction. I guess I will just have to ride out the storm, the way I always do.

Some of us seem to have more than our share of problems. Some of us have more urgent needs than others, while others may wield a mean character, sharp tongue, or a swift kitchen knife. I will watch out when I walk in through that door, my friends.

Episode 3

Hello, my dearest friends. Before I take up the topic of my concern - short term loans - I will need to inform you that my husband is on a sabbatical; and so it has become my responsibility to continue writing to you during his absence. "But why a sabbatical, why just now?" you ask. Well, my friends, let me put it this way: he was slightly too active for his years in certain areas, and there were some federal problems with the local bureaucrats or something like that, I don't know all of the details, as that was always my husband's responsibility. I'm not supposed to take up all his responsibilities, am I now? It would be asking too much if I had to do all the things he usually does in the shed, wouldn't it?

Due to my husband's rather eccentric tendencies, loneliness and I have become well acquainted over the years. At first I felt bad about being alone, but as time passed and I had to experience it again and again, I grew used to it - and this time, when my husband left the house in official company, I suddenly realised I was no longer afraid - or even sad to be left on my own.

Fondly, I relish my current rendezvous with solitude. I have found that during these precious bouts of tending the garden without him, I've gained a deeper understanding of both myself and my needs as a woman - needs I must thoroughly express to you now. Borne out of necessity, driven by certain longings and desires that I have been unaware of for so long, I've now found myself freshly opened to a world of terrain that I want to explore. It has somehow awoken in me an insatiable craving for new experiences, an exhilarating rush of passion for the strange unknown, with a boldness I have never felt in myself before. Whence has this newfound courage come? Does it matter? I must nurture and care for this tiny seedling until it grows, blossoming into a flower so magnificent that thinking of it alone brings up a soft explosion in my mind, and I am filled with warm, dreamy sensations.

All things change. I look back at my former life with the new understanding I've gained and realise that I have left my safe little cocoon behind. I can now spread my bright, beautiful butterfly wings and glide wherever the wistful winds carry me! Oh, and short term loans have absurdly high interest rates. With these thoughts, I wish you an exciting autumn!

Episode 4

(This will be the last one with an ostensible topic; after this one it will be about her only)

<she goes to do her shopping and realizes for the first time how men watch her and particularly this one don't know how to go on from that point... she could act all innocent but do something that seems to make the man interested in him like - she stands by a rack of lingerie, trying to make up her mind, watching the contrast of the black lace against the white skin of her thigh trying to figure out why it looks so good>

<she then notices a man watching her from the other side of the aisle etc, this excites her in an inexplicable way>

(the plea for letters goes in this one)

Bravely embarking on my journey, I cannot help but wonder if some of you are on a similar path. I urge you - dare I say it, need you to pick up that pen and paper and tell me what you're going through. Confess to me your deepest secrets and innermost fears, and I will respond in kind. Let us be each other's guiding light on this dark and perilous quest, and together we will face the challenges that destiny lays before us.

Episode 5

Greetings, friends! I hope your days have been as ..... as mine have been of recent. I feel as if the heavens are smiling upon me, and each new day is a chance for me to explore my senses. I was cleaning the attic this morning and I happened upon a collection of old children's books. Such fun and whimsy! Flying carpets, fairies and evil queens, talking fruits and vegetables, even entire patches of cabbage-headed toddlers! I sat and read for hours. Page after page of curious beasts, magical creatures, and amazing flights of fancy. This sparked my imagination. If I could be a character out of a child's book, I think I would be She-Ra, Princess of Power! I want to live in a crystal palace and soar through the clouds on a magnificent pegasus. My dreamy, hunk of a prince Bow - how my heart would swoon for his well-defined muscles and amazing archery skills! Plus, I'd have friends that could communicate with animals, see into the future, control the weather and attack people with their hair!

If only life were like a child's novel, what characters we would meet! Walking through the neighborhood park yesterday, I was approached by a lovely man who said that he had been watching me from across the pond, and wanted to compliment me on the shapely arches of my feet. He had the cutest little Beagle crossbreed with him, and invited me back to his house for some cold refreshments and proper conversation. At first I was concerned about his intentions, but when he showed me the package of blueberry poppy-seed scones he just purchased, I could not resist.

He was the perfect gentleman! He lit a few candles and an incense stick - how romantic! I wish my husband was like that. As the sweet scent of musk slowly filled the little garden pavilion, he poured some tea for us - honey passion-fruit green tea with some herbal extracts, I think - and I giggled with surprise when his adorable pup playfully began to lick my toes through the straps of my sandals. The nice young man then suggested that I remove my shoes to allow him to cleanse the dog's saliva from my feet; but I declined, as I secretly enjoyed the way the cool air mixed with the slobbery wetness and made my skin tingle. To my delight, it felt like danger.

I want to live dangerously, to make the most damn lemonade I can with this sweet little patch of mine. I have been sheltered all these years, safe in the comforts of normalcy while my husband has been out living it up for the both of us. No more, I tell you! No longer will I cower in the corner of life's garden, wilting under the shade of a taller tree. I also made a mental note to wear open-toed shoes around dogs more often.

Episode 5

...

Buzzphrases

• an ocean of fire
• irresistible force bursting through the outer layers of the earth
• stars watching back at me, spirit moaning with delight
• delving the forbidden depths

Episode 6

As the holidays approach yet again, it has come to my attention that many of you are not as supportive of my so-called 'self-absorbed antics' as I would have hoped in requesting correspondence from you.

...

And, my friends, let's be honest: if something slightly untoward should appear to have happened during one of these lonely periods of my life, I would remind you that I should only be seen as the victim of circumstances here. After all, that is what my husband has been trying to reduce me to with his actions. So, remember that sentiment when you search for words, and I look forward to your forthcoming letters to me.

Episode 7

...

Like the incident at the adult bookstore last Wednesday - clearly a misunderstanding.