User:Another n00b

From Wiki42

> You(25)attack IPoopMyPantsOnWensdays(25) with '''Uber Nunchucks'''.
> IPoopMyPantsOnWensdays(25) is now dead.
Look (!)
> You examine the trolls as they advance towards you and proceed to strip bear the corpse before you can. And then they come after you.
> You scream for 18 hours.
 > ***You have died***
>All your items have been dropped where you died. This means they'll be raided by hungry noobs!
Restart (4) 

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Canadian_Federation_of_Students

Contents 1 Fights 2 An wiiro 3 The Licked Hand 3.1 Variations 4 Seven Gates of Hell 5 Ripley's Haunted Adventure 6 Other crap

Fights

• 9,646 Articles are based off of various computers, the internet, IRC and MUCK channels. Including internet memes, culture, drama, people, and events.
• 49,538 articles are based off of extremely minor things which probably don't even feature in any JS episode or any SS spin-off otherwise.
• 33,483 articles are based off of the JS series directly.
• 21,389 articles are based off of companions, and other minor characters.

NETHACK!!!!!11!!

An wiiro

This news report was originally published in the daily Telegraph. It was later published in the form of a news-style copypasta on the CN9 bulliten board system. The transcript read:

Jake Roberts, 13, stormed upstairs and fastened the tie around his neck and then to his bed. He was found by his father a short while later. His 
parents said he could have got the idea by watching a young person hanging themselves on the television programme Casualty. But a coroner said 
that Jake had killed himself by accident and there was no evidence he has been influenced by the programme.
His mother, Andrea, said they had given Jake some money for his birthday with which he had bought a new computer game. But when he got home with 
it his sister was watching television and he could not play it. She said he "had a temper tantrum and stormed off upstairs". Soon after, his 
father, John, went up to see him. He said: "The first thing I saw when I walked in to Jake's bedroom was all the paper he had ripped up on the 
floor during his tantrum.

"The door was open with his bed to my left behind the door. I was going to tell him off when I turned. It took me a few seconds to register what I 
was seeing. "His school tie was round his neck and he was hung from his cabin bed. I tried to lift him and his tie was attached to a bar on the 
bed." Jake, who died in February, was described as a "sensitive boy with a fantastic imagination" who enjoyed writing stories and poems, one of 
which had been published. An inquest heard that Jake died two days after being rushed to hospital from his home in Scarborough, North Yorks. Mr 
Roberts, a printer, said: "I honestly don't think he meant to hang himself. I think he was mad about the computer game and just did something 
stupid." 

Mrs Roberts, a bank clerk, added that the family had watched an episode of the BBC drama Casualty together weeks before, which had featured a 
young person hanging themselves. She said she had been "really shocked" that it had been broadcast at 8pm, but added: "But I don't think anything 
he had seen influenced him. When he was younger he had a bit of a temper and he'd had tantrums with us before." Recording a verdict of accidental 
death, the Coroner, Michael Oakley, said: "There is no evidence whatsoever that he took things he had seen into account. "He didn't have any 
particular temper tantrums other than those you would expect from someone who had just become a teenager."

"There had been a minor argument. The circumstances in which he was found do not suggest to me this was a deliberate act to end his life."
In a statement after the verdict, Mr and Mrs Roberts, said: "Jake was a kind, caring and sensitive boy who had a wonderfully dry sense of humour 
and huge potential for the future.

"He had a special and unique talent for writing stories which stemmed from a fantastic imagination.

"We love him so very much and miss him more and more with each passing day, and are still struggling to come to terms with his loss."

UK News »

The Licked Hand

A beautiful young girl is left home alone with only her dog to protect her. On the news that night, they announced there is a serial killer on the loose in the area. Before she goes to bed, she locks all the doors and tries to lock all the windows, but the one in the basement won't lock. She decides to leave it unlocked, but locks the basement door and goes to bed. Her dog takes its customary place under her bed.

In the deep of night she awakens to a dripping sound coming from her bathroom. Half-awake, the girl feels the comforting lick from her dog and falls back to sleep. She reawakens to the dripping sound, reaches her hand down to the dog where she feels the reassuring lick and falls back to sleep. Once more, she awakens to the dripping sound. She reaches her hand down and feels the lick of her dog.

Now curious about the dripping sound, she gets up and slowly walks towards the bathroom, the dripping sound getting louder as she approaches. She reaches the bathroom and turns on the light. She is greeted by a horrific sight; hanging from the shower nozzle is her dog with its throat slit open and its blood dripping into the bathtub.

Something on the bathroom mirror catches her eye; she turns around. Written on the wall in her dog's blood are the words "Humans can lick too."

Variations

• In one version the message reads "THE JERSEY DEVIL CAN LICK HANDS TOO" and it is the Jersey Devil that kills the dog.
• A similar alteration includes a girl who walks to the faucet each time to try and shut it off, not bothering to turn on the lights (or caused by a power outage). She pats her dog on the head each time she walks to the bathroom, but in the morning finds her dogs head on the sink dripping. The person telling the story then asks "whose head was she patting?"
• In some versions, the woman is in her 20s while in others she is elderly. The dog is sometimes discovered skinned and in others, beheaded. The location of the dog's body is sometimes in the girl's closet, fridge, or behind her couch or even above the kitchen door.
• The dripping sound always awakens the girl. This is always followed by the discovery the next morning that the dripping sound was not a leaky faucet but the dog's dripping blood.
• In lighter versions, the dog is not killed but locked in the basement. In darker versions, the girl's parents are murdered or the girl herself is killed.
• In other versions the girl has a roommate who is killed instead, and the dog is later found by the police hiding under the couch in the downstairs living room, dorm, or hallway.
• Other versions of the story include her going downstairs to call the police, and when they arrive she finds the dog dead, and the officer states the "Humans can lick too" phrase.
• Another version has the girl as a young child who often has nightmares. The girl's mother gets the dog for her and he licks her hand every night which stops the nightmare. One night she is woken by a nightmare but feels the lick and goes back to sleep only to wake up the next morning to find her mother and the dog dead with the message daubed on the wall.
• Some versions of the story end with the girl looking out the window and seeing the murderer (who has quite a frightening face) who then yells "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" sometimes waving his fist, also in those versions some don't say whether the dog is killed or not.
• In some versions of the story, the message reads "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO, MY DEAR" making the killer seem even creepier.
• The killer is described as a serial killing clown in many versions, with the message reading "CLOWNS CAN LICK TOO".
• In some versions the basic premise of the story is the same, but rather than "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO" the phrase "AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU DIDN'T TURN ON THE LIGHTS?" is written on the wall in the dog's blood.
• In another version, it's an old lady but the dog is not killed, and in the end she sees her dog sitting near the door wagging its tail, but something or someone is still licking her hand.

Seven Gates of Hell

In most respects York is exactly what you'd expect of a rural Pennsylvania town—a quiet place in the heartland of the state. Don't be fooled—there is a mysterious history and a dark underside of york. One site within the city limits of the town speaks to a sinister episode that betrays the city's tranquillity.

It is a story of death. It is story of despair. It is a story about attempting to breach the very boundries of hell itself. It is the story of Toad Road.

Street Sign You will not find Toad Road on the map of York, because its name has been officially changed to Trout Run Road. This was done to dissuade curiosity-seekers from putting themselves in harm's way and to hide the grisly incidents that once occured along the thoroughfare.

In the 1800s a colossal mental asylum stood in the woods of York off Toad Road. This was a hellish place and the home of only the most deranged, most unfortunate souls. The asylum was many stories high and contained hundreds of rooms. Buried in the desolate Pennsylvania woods, it was viewed as the perfect place to ship the insane from all across the state.

There was one major problem with this location, however; it was miles away from civiliztion. While viewed as a blessing by those who didn't want to face their fears, this also meant that the asylum was not easily accessible. This led to a great tragedy when it caught fire one day.

Because of its remote locale, firefighters were unable to get there in time. Many of the patients burned to death in the upper floors of the building, and hundreds of others fled into the surrounding woods. The scene was true chaos—some of the most deranged and dangerous people in all Pennsylvania had disappeared into the woods as an inferno spread throughout the area.

When officials finally put out the fire, they set out to capture all of the inmates. Scared by the reputations of the asylum's inmates and unsure of how to handle the situation, the search party was extraordinarily aggresive, beating into submission some of those they found and killing others.

It's clear why no one in York acknowledges this publicly. The town changed the name of the road, stopped talking of the hospital, and tried to put the tragedy behind it. Unfortunately, this would be impossible.

Pathway The psychic impact of these horrible events forever cursed Toad Road. People today say that the area is so cursed that it is the location of seven gateways to hell. York officials had constructed seven barriers along the paths to the former site of the asylum. Most adventure-seekers never even locate the first one. For those who manage to find the path, it is said that, by the fifth barrier, the sense of evil and overpowering feelings of death will turn back even the bravest explorer back. Apparitions are often seen along these paths. Strange noises and menacing screams are heard frequently.

Legends say that if one did manage to get past all seven gates, they would be standing upon the burned remains of the mental hospital, a bona fide passageway to hell itself.

Ripley's Haunted Adventure

Robert Ripley was famous for his "Odditoriums", which where re-nowned for containing surprising and shocking content, and they would even have to provide beds in the Odditorium for people who "fainted" daily. There are a total of 32 of these Odditoriums, however some people say that there is another lost Odditorium. What is odd about this, is the fact that this 33rd Odditorium is Robert Ripley's own house. He died on May 27, 1949, outside his house. The last time anyone went into his house before his death was in early 1946 during a dinner party. Some people reported horrible stenches coming from the basement area, while most guests supposedly wheren't alowed in the 4 main rooms in the mansion ( There where almost 16, including the absolutely huge basement ). Some say that only Robert himself and possibly his most closest, personal friends where the only ones who ever seen the basement. While in actuality they where allowed to go throughout the house ( exept the basement, which was closely guarded for unknown reasons ), some say they had seen very scary looking white shadows in the corner of their eye while travelling through the buildings. After Ripley's death, the house was abandoned and the location of it was lost.

It wasn't until 1972 when a group of anonymous adventure-explorers found the house again for the first time since Robert Ripley died. However, the two ( presumably ) brothers where permanently "changed" after they're experiences in the house. The stories about what they found in the mansion seriously differ, and stories verge from ghosts to demons to horrible, horrible things which couldn't be described. The mansion soon became famous, and soon became an Urban Legend and subsequent Creepypasta. About 20 million people are aware of it's existance, about 304,000 people have tried to find it, and only about 19,500 people hae ever actually found it. The house is not found on any known map. Possible candidates for the Mansion's residence are Gatlinburg, Tennessee; San Antonio, Texas and Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. The people who do find the house often state it is very easy to get lost, and that they seemingly accidentally stumbled into the basement. The basement is always where the worst experiences are, with many claims of horribly disfigured creatures, mass-graves of skeletons and various cut-up corpses in bags hanging from the ceiling. About 400 people have taken footage of inside the house, and often viewers are deeply disturbed by what they see. The house is very dark, but there is definitely something stalking them very closely. Many of the videos have leaked themselves onto youtube, and many have been removed because they where so disturbing ( like ( Propagation6, but at least that was restored ). The house itself was actually demolished by an un-aware business company in 1996, and the basement had to be flash-bombed in order to be destroyed. It was made for the M64. However sadly, it makes all attempts at trying to find the mansion futile.

One news channel ran a feature about the house in 2003 and displayed real footage of the mansion, along with people's stories. It was played before the watershead and many angry parents complained about how unsettling the program was for them and their kids, who often couldn't sleep anymore. In 2008, an entertainment company made a fake haunted house based loosely off of the real mansion, with the design being based off of experiencer's tales and real footage of the mansion. The house was released to the public in october 2008 ( in time for Halloween ) and had the best in digital technology and special effects to make it similar to the paranormal experiences apparently found inside the house.

The mansion was featured in the JS season 4 episode <-->. For alot more information, please see <-->.

Other crap

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