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From Whickerpedia

How to put up an IKEA ivar (thats a brand you idiots) bookcase:

1. Take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake).
2. Kick it to show it who's boss.
3. Throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site.
4. Stand the side pieces upright against a wall.
5. Failing that get someone else to hold them up for you.
6. Get pissed off and kick the idiotic person helping you for not holding it straight.
7. Put the metal cross piece on the back with the help of person no. 3.
8. Screw it up whlst hitting any idiot you see.
9. Put the dinky metal pieces in the little tiny holes.
10. Rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop (for good measure, hit person no 2 or 3
11. Throw spare items in the loft.
12. Step on person 3s feet in the process.
13. Put books on shelf.
14. Never read them again. Ever.