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How to put up ikea items

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---IKEA---
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How to put up an IKEA "Billy" bookcase:
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# Take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake).
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How to put up an IKEA ivar shelving unit
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# Kick it to show it who's boss.
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step 1take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake)
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# Throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site.
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step 2 kick it to show it whos boss
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# Stand the side pieces upright against a wall.
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step 3 throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site
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# Failing that get someone else to hold them up for you.
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step 4 stand up the side peices (you know what i mean )
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# Get pissed off and kick the idiotic person helping you for not holding it straight.
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step 5 failing that get someone else to hold them up for you
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# Put the metal cross piece on the back with the help of person no. 3.
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step 6 get pissed off and kick the idiot for not holding it straight
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# Screw it and give up.
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step 7 put the metal cross peice on the back with the help of person no 3
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# Come back in half an hour, after a hot cup of tea/whisky.
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step 8 screw it and kick the other people for the fun of it
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# Put the dinky metal pieces in the poorly drilled holes.
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step 9 put the dinky metal peices in the liddle holes
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# Rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop (for good measure, hit person no. 2/3's thumb/protruding appendages).
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step 10 rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop( and for good measure person no 2
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# Throw spare items in the loft.
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step 11 throw spare items in the loft
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# Step on person 3's feet in the process.
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step 12 step on person 3s feet in the process  
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# Put books on shelf.
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step 13 caccle evilly
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# Never read them again. Ever.
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step 14 put books on shelf
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Et voilà! Now crack open the champagne, and celebrate!
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step 15 never read them again
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there you go a nice shelving unit
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http://images.ciao.com/iuk/images/products/normal/501/IKEA_Ivar_Shelving_System__72501.jpg
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Current revision as of 22:59, 3 January 2008

How to put up an IKEA "Billy" bookcase:

  1. Take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake).
  2. Kick it to show it who's boss.
  3. Throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site.
  4. Stand the side pieces upright against a wall.
  5. Failing that get someone else to hold them up for you.
  6. Get pissed off and kick the idiotic person helping you for not holding it straight.
  7. Put the metal cross piece on the back with the help of person no. 3.
  8. Screw it and give up.
  9. Come back in half an hour, after a hot cup of tea/whisky.
  10. Put the dinky metal pieces in the poorly drilled holes.
  11. Rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop (for good measure, hit person no. 2/3's thumb/protruding appendages).
  12. Throw spare items in the loft.
  13. Step on person 3's feet in the process.
  14. Put books on shelf.
  15. Never read them again. Ever.

Et voilà! Now crack open the champagne, and celebrate!

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