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How to put up ikea items

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==IKEA==
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How to put up an IKEA "Billy" bookcase:
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# Take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake).
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How to put up an IKEA ivar shelving unit:
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# Kick it to show it who's boss.
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# Throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site.
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#Take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake)
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# Stand the side pieces upright against a wall.
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#Kick it to show it whos boss
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# Failing that get someone else to hold them up for you.
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#Throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site
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# Get pissed off and kick the idiotic person helping you for not holding it straight.
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#Stand up the side peices (you know what i mean )
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# Put the metal cross piece on the back with the help of person no. 3.
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#Failing that get someone else to hold them up for you
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# Screw it and give up.
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#Get pissed off and kick the idiot for not holding it straight
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# Come back in half an hour, after a hot cup of tea/whisky.
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#Put the metal cross peice on the back with the help of person no 3
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# Put the dinky metal pieces in the poorly drilled holes.
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#Screw it and kick the other people for the fun of it
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# Rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop (for good measure, hit person no. 2/3's thumb/protruding appendages).
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#Put the dinky metal peices in the liddle holes
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# Throw spare items in the loft.
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#Rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop( and for good measure person no 2
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# Step on person 3's feet in the process.
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#Throw spare items in the loft
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# Put books on shelf.
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#Step on person 3s feet in the process  
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# Never read them again. Ever.
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#Cackle evilly
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Et voilà! Now crack open the champagne, and celebrate!
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#Put books on shelf
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#Never read them again
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there you go a nice shelving unit
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http://images.ciao.com/iuk/images/products/normal/501/IKEA_Ivar_Shelving_System__72501.jpg
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Current revision as of 22:59, 3 January 2008

How to put up an IKEA "Billy" bookcase:

  1. Take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake).
  2. Kick it to show it who's boss.
  3. Throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site.
  4. Stand the side pieces upright against a wall.
  5. Failing that get someone else to hold them up for you.
  6. Get pissed off and kick the idiotic person helping you for not holding it straight.
  7. Put the metal cross piece on the back with the help of person no. 3.
  8. Screw it and give up.
  9. Come back in half an hour, after a hot cup of tea/whisky.
  10. Put the dinky metal pieces in the poorly drilled holes.
  11. Rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop (for good measure, hit person no. 2/3's thumb/protruding appendages).
  12. Throw spare items in the loft.
  13. Step on person 3's feet in the process.
  14. Put books on shelf.
  15. Never read them again. Ever.

Et voilà! Now crack open the champagne, and celebrate!

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