Editing How to put up ikea items

How to put up an IKEA "Billy" bookcase:
# Take protective wrapping off (this is a very common mistake).
# Kick it to show it who's boss.
# Throw instruction manual in bin and log onto this site.
# Stand the side pieces upright against a wall.
# Failing that get someone else to hold them up for you.
# Get pissed off and kick the idiotic person helping you for not holding it straight.
# Put the metal cross piece on the back with the help of person no. 3.
# Screw it and give up.
# Come back in half an hour, after a hot cup of tea/whisky.
# Put the dinky metal pieces in the poorly drilled holes.
# Rest shelves on them and give a good hard wallop (for good measure, hit person no. 2/3's thumb/protruding appendages).
# Throw spare items in the loft.
# Step on person 3's feet in the process.
# Put books on shelf.
# Never read them again. Ever.
Et voilà! Now crack open the champagne, and celebrate!