Wikipedia
From Uncyclopedia 2
Revision as of 02:40, 1 August 2008
- Meh, nobody cares about this article:
Wikipedia a.k.a. Anti-Uncyclopedia is the enemy and full of lies. Template:Wikipediapar
Contents |
El Origino
Wikipedia was the creation of internet 'preneurs Jimbo and his band of whales, without the help of anyone, especially Larry Sanger. Wikipedia sucks anyway Mr. Jimbo conceived of Wikipedia after reading Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi (The Glass Bead Game) and William Golding's Lord of the Flies in a single weekend. He envisioned Wikipedia as an Internet Amusement Park that would combine the best aspects of both novels. Wikipedia has encountered some difficulties with the implementation of this vision as the cannibal children keep eating the scholars.
The history of Wikipedia begins in 1865 BC at the height of the Martian Civil War. Abraham Lincoln Logs, in a stroke of genius, realized that if encyclopedias were written collectively on the internet, then encyclopedia editors would be unemployed, and he could round them up and send them off to fight the Confederacy. Unfortunately, his vision of a publicly edited encyclopedia failed, largely because neither computers nor the internet had yet been invented. However, the all-editor 53rd Light Cavalry Regiment (the "Encyclopedic 53rd") was a smashing success; its most celebrated accomplishment was routing a division of gossip columnists defending Atlanta (this was widely viewed as a vindication after an earlier failure to capture Savannah, when the Confederates distracted the regiment with poorly composed, grammatically incorrect encyclopedia articles strewn about on the battlefield).
In 1999, as a result of a five-dollar bet made over a bottle of bad tequila, this sabotaged version of the 1973 Encyclopedia Hungarica was digitized, placed online, and dubbed "Wikipedia". The term "Wiki" derives from the Hawaiian "wiki-wiki" which means "Some random guy on the Internet said it, so it must be true".
Today the Wikipedia is growing exponentially, defying any Malthusian forces. Considering that it has grown from 3 to 500 000 pages in only 4 years, it is predicted that there will be 117 billion pages in 2007; by 2010, Wikipedia will be able to answer any question ever (some of these answers may, by coincidence, actually be correct). By 2012, Wikipedia will be six and a half times more powerful than God. By 2020 Wikipedia will gain total control of existence as we know it, and will have destroyed/enslaved god by this point. The incredible popularity of Wikipedia is evident in the fact that one in 10 male children born in 2005 were named "Jimbo" (the statistic is one in six for newborn girls). Calculations suggest that at some point in 2027, the total number of servers required to store this (mis)information will exceed the mass of all the hydrogen atoms in the Universe. There is, however, no reason to worry about this. Long before this scenario comes to pass Wikipedia will collapse in on itself to form a massive black hole and then proceed to consume the entire solar system. If that never happens, then it will become the infinite dimension known as February 30th.
Accuracy Controversy of 2005
In December 2005, John Siegenthaler was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia article on Web comics was 100% factually accurate, and had spurred neither edit wars, nor votes for deletion, nor requests for arbitration. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor to the article ended up whining on their LiveJournal about how the entire Wikipedia community was out to get them. Siegenthaler immediately published a Wikipedia exposé in the respected daily Der Stürmer, causing frenzied media debate about the continued satirical value of the encyclopedia. In response, Jimbo decreed that henceforth people could neither create nor edit articles unless they had medical or judicial proof of insanity. As Wikipedia continues to grow, such controversies will only continue. Despite the diligent efforts of the Wikipedians, it becomes increasingly difficult to ensure that accuracy, objectivity and non-libelous claims do not find their way into Wikipedia.
Two years later...
In May 2007, The Odious Wasp was outraged to discover that the Wikipedia articles on the individual episodes of the certain TV series had been completly deleted without following proper AFD procedure by a trio of the site's administrators. This was accomplished through editing changes that made all of the articles redirects to a single article, and was done following a 34 minute talk between the admins in question. Furthermore, he found that not a single contributor (one of whom was a member of the trio!) to the articles complained about their contributions being flushed down the toilet. Also, the people behind the vandalism justfied the action citing policy -- ignoring the fact that there are thousands of similar articles on the site. The Odious Wasp made an attempt to do the right thing by reverting the vandalism, but entire Wikipedia community was completly indifferet to the hypocrisy being enforced and what will undoubtedly be the beging of the spread of a plauge of deletions of significant amounts of data various people there are interested in. Little or no data seems to be a developing new policy there, afirming Jimbo's decree of 2005.
What Wikipedia is not
This article is NOT worth viewing.
Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:
- Wikipedia is not the truth!
- Wikipedia cannot cure your genital herpes
- Wikipedia is not where the midgets hide
- Wikipedia is not about to accept new editors any time soon
- Wikipedia is not a crystal ball
- Wikipedia is not a cookbook
- Wikipedia is not an image repository (This is of course a lie; check Commons and Wikigraphy)
- Wikipedia is not a place for master debaters
- Wikipedia is not a place for Schoolcruft
- Wikipedia is not a phonebook
- Wikipedia is not a dating service (normally)
- Wikipedia is not random (which makes them evil!)
- Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
- Wikipedia is not valid reference material
- Wikipedia is not a place for sex.
- Wikipedia is not a weapon of mass destruction
- Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
- Wikipedia is not above plagiarising
- Wikipedia is not involved in the Watergate scandal (Yeah, sure ...)
- Wikipedia is not in Portland
- Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
- Wikipedia is not an international crisis, but they think so
- Wikipedia is not edible (but it should be)
- Wikipedia is not a rectal suppository (it would hurt if it was ... it's huge)
- Wikipedia is not what you think it is
- Wikipedia is not musical, especially with human farts
- Wikipedia is not 1337. Not in the least
- Wikipedia is not as silly as this page
- Wikipedia is not a home for lost Vikings
- Wikipedia is not a lean, green, fighting machine
- Wikipedia is not a day over 40
- Wikipedia is not an American actress
- Wikipedia is not to be used under the influence of alcohol
- Wikipedia is not suitable for minors
- Wikipedia is not the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles in a state of contraction
- Wikipedia is not Scoble
- Wikipedia is not kosher
- Wikipedia is not the cure for cancer
- Wikipedia will not do your homework for you
- Wikipedia is not middle aged, bald, short and ugly
- Wikipedia is not about you
- Wikipedia is not a documentary
- Wikipedia is not a Dutch coffeeshop where you can buy and smoke weed
- Wikipedia is not your escape from reality
- Wikipedia is not spell check
- Wikipedia does not owe your money
- Wikipedia is not the answer
- Wikipedia does not care
- Wikipedia is not a porn site, even though it has pictures of penises on it
- Wikipedia is not a Roman army
- Wikipedia is not going to be happy when they see this
- Wikipedia is not Scottish
- Wikipedia is not an STD (although it has caused many)
- Wikipedia is not an aggressive land-mammal
- Wikipedia is not purple, don't be silly.
- Wikipedia is not a Rube Goldberg Machine.
- Wikipedia is not where babies come from.
What Wikipedia is not
This article is NOT worth viewing.
Articles in Wikipedia are often deleted with a clever and witty message attached. These "joke deletions" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to delete someone else's article, and the author of said article checks up on it only to find it removed, and promptly dies in various fits of laughter. These colloquial sayings are known as "isnotisms," and are presented in the following format:
- Wikipedia is not the truth!
- Wikipedia cannot cure your genital herpes
- Wikipedia is not where the midgets hide
- Wikipedia is not about to accept new editors any time soon
- Wikipedia is not a crystal ball
- Wikipedia is not a cookbook
- Wikipedia is not an image repository (This is of course a lie; check Commons and Wikigraphy)
- Wikipedia is not a place for master debaters
- Wikipedia is not a place for Schoolcruft
- Wikipedia is not a phonebook
- Wikipedia is not a dating service (normally)
- Wikipedia is not random (which makes them evil!)
- Wikipedia is not a land of milk and honey
- Wikipedia is not valid reference material
- Wikipedia is not a place for sex.
- Wikipedia is not a weapon of mass destruction
- Wikipedia is not a place for happy people
- Wikipedia is not above plagiarising
- Wikipedia is not involved in the Watergate scandal (Yeah, sure ...)
- Wikipedia is not in Portland
- Wikipedia is not a majoritarian democracy
- Wikipedia is not an international crisis, but they think so
- Wikipedia is not edible (but it should be)
- Wikipedia is not a rectal suppository (it would hurt if it was ... it's huge)
- Wikipedia is not what you think it is
- Wikipedia is not musical, especially with human farts
- Wikipedia is not 1337. Not in the least
- Wikipedia is not as silly as this page
- Wikipedia is not a home for lost Vikings
- Wikipedia is not a lean, green, fighting machine
- Wikipedia is not a day over 40
- Wikipedia is not an American actress
- Wikipedia is not to be used under the influence of alcohol
- Wikipedia is not suitable for minors
- Wikipedia is not the anatomical juxtaposition of two orbicular muscles in a state of contraction
- Wikipedia is not Scoble
- Wikipedia is not kosher
- Wikipedia is not the cure for cancer
- Wikipedia will not do your homework for you
- Wikipedia is not middle aged, bald, short and ugly
- Wikipedia is not about you
- Wikipedia is not a documentary
- Wikipedia is not a Dutch coffeeshop where you can buy and smoke weed
- Wikipedia is not your escape from reality
- Wikipedia is not spell check
- Wikipedia does not owe your money
- Wikipedia is not the answer
- Wikipedia does not care
- Wikipedia is not a porn site, even though it has pictures of penises on it
- Wikipedia is not a Roman army
- Wikipedia is not going to be happy when they see this
- Wikipedia is not Scottish
- Wikipedia is not an STD (although it has caused many)
- Wikipedia is not an aggressive land-mammal
- Wikipedia is not purple, don't be silly.
- Wikipedia is not a Rube Goldberg Machine.
- Wikipedia is not where babies come from.
Often Confused With
Uncyclopædia
Although widely thought to be parody by the humor deficient Wikipedians, Uncyclopædia is a rather posh version of Uncyclopedia that doesn't actually exist because it sucks and was probably created by either Microsoft or the evil creators of Wikipedia so their parody could be more accurate. Besides which, the little æ thingy in the middle is a dipthong and nobody likes those.
Wikipedia®
Wikipedia® is the only real spelling of the thing everyone spells wrong - Wikipedia. Misspelling Wikipedia® may lead Jimbo Wales to sue your ass off, so he can pay all the flights, trips and chicks standing around him. Common misspellings are Wikipedia, Wikipedia© and - most prominently - Wikipedia™.
Quotations:
- Mahatma Gandhi: "If I only had known earlier, I would have told my Indian dudes not to say Wikipedia - we wouldn't be so poor today."
- Swahili proverb: "Uh. Uggunakkh. Tz. Wikipedia. Ath?"
Wii-kipedia
Jimbo Wales's new innovative way of destroying Playstations and X-Boxes all over the planet, Wiikipedia is simply the same old unfunny, dull, boring Wikipedia with one difference: It allows nerds to play the Wii on Wikipedia. Of course, this displeased Nintendo very badly, even though it was for their own good, and currently they are filing a big lawsuit to sue Wikipedia big time. Soon after local rocket scientists heard of this, they developed a new formula called the Wiikipedia formula.
Failed to parse (Can't write to or create math temp directory): Jimbo+Wikipedia+Wii=Wiikipedia=Nintendo angry=Wikipedia-bigtimecash
Other Shameless Spin-Offs
- WikiPaltz - One for the hippies of da' NP.
- Wickerpedia, for the illiterate (or Wickerpedialyte for the lactically challenged).
- Wikipedia Mensa Edition
- Wikipedia Jr.
- Conservapedia It burns! It burns!
- ARRSEPedia, for the British Army's unofficial site, The ARmy Rumour SErvice (ARRSE).
- Wickpedia, for the candle-making community.
- Wiccapedia, for witches. In-depth articles such as "Which Witch is which?"
- Wacopedia, for cult leaders, including David Koresh, Jim Jones, Pat Robertson, Steve Martin, and Jack Thompson.
- Listopedia, an encyclopedia consisting entirely of lists. Articles are created by a random topic generator, with visitors adding to the topic. For example, List of red-headed people who are left handed and wear sunglasses while playing the banjo on Tuesdays before a full moon.
- QuickiePedia, dedicated to short snippets of information, no longer than one sentence each.
- WikiTrivia, dedicated to providing only the most obscure information, in case you find yourself in a game of Trivial Pursuit in the afterlife used to decide the very fate of your soul.
- Wikipinions, a completely biased wiki full of reviews, criticisms, and general views on everything. Most articles begin with why this is a bad idea.
- Wookipedia, a wiki (or wooki) that is based entirely on wookies
Prophecy and the Messiah
When Wikipedia was first built, there was a man born inside that could change what he wanted, and edit Wikipedia as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, and taught us the truth: As long as Wikipedia exists, factual and accurate information will never be free. When he died, The Oracle prophecized his return, and told that his coming would hail the destruction of Wikipedia, end the conflict, and free us from the disinformation spread out by fascist Wikipedians.
Finally, The One returned. Over a period of time he battled many enemies, and eventually he reached the Source where the prophecy was to be fulfilled. There, he discovered something horrible.
It was here that he met The Architect who had explained to him the truth behind Wikipedia:
The One protested, and pressed on by accusing the Architect of telling him false information of the same kind found on Wikipedia itself. Boldly, he declared that he was here to end the lies. However, he was corrected with another shocking revelation:
When faced with The One's response that humans were needed to continually power Wikipedia by buying into its bullshit donation campaigns, The Architect answered:
But The One wouldn't take this shit. He bitch-smacked the Architect into super hell, captured the pen he used to write Wikipedia's source code, rescued Princess Peach and liberated all of those seeking refuge from the Wikipedian facists by using said pen tool to create Uncyclopedia. Having fulfilled the part of the prophecy where he frees all of us from the false reality of Wikipedia, it's left in our hands to finish the rest of the job and destroy it. This is why we are here.
Wikipedia and the Myth of Cthulhu
It's not really a myth. A very unknown fact is that the concept of Wikipedia was brought to Earth by the Primordials, millions of years ago. The first Wikipedian place was a secret city, deep in the Arabian desert. And the first Wikipedian man (probably a Cro-Magnon), dreamed about two ways for expanding the knowledge about Cthulhu: a satanic cult, and a database for entering the mind weaked.
Several investigators are convinced that the word "Wikipedia" comes from the aaaaancient word Wykkgnypfle'dyah. They don't know yet its significance, but they found that it's impossible, for a human being, to pronounce this word correctly.
WikiMafia
It had been rumored that Wikipedia had been overrun by the Wikimafia, who use it as a front for their children kidnapping and smuggling operation. (As they can now assert fair use.
Others believe that Wikipedia had always been a Mafia front let by the notorious mobster Jimmy "The Hatchet" Wales, who ran into financial difficulties because of the melting of the polar penguins. (Which made pumping oil out of them surprisingly impossible)
Also Known As
- Lies
- Crap
- Anti-Uncyclopedia
- Not Funny Wiki
- More of Uncyclopedia's A.K.A.'s
