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:'''You may have been looking for [[Captain Oblivious]] and not even know it!''' '''Captain Obvious''' is a [[superhero]]. That is, he is one of those guys who fights bad guys, [[supervillain]]s, and [[evil-doers]]. The name "Captain" is purely symbolic. Captain Obvious does not hold the rank of Captain in the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marines, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Commissioned Corps, the United States Public Health Service Commissioned Corps, The Salvation Army, nor any Police or Fire Department. Nor is he licensed to fly commercial or cargo aircraft or pilot fishing boats or cargo vessels, meaning that in a situation where he would have to fly one of these vehicles he would not know what to do. His symbol is a large "O". The "O" stands for "Obvious", rather than "Oklahoma", "[[Osama bin Laden]]", "[[Orange]]", "Ombudsman" or any number of other words which begin with an "O". He sometimes carries a large shield with him, though this is primarily to stop his own team mates from beating the shit out of him. His main rival is [[Professor Subtle]] against whom he battles in many comic book and television episodes, but Professor Subtle never fails to reappear in subsequent episodes. This could be because Captain Obvious has failed to apprehend or destroy [[Professor Subtle]] in any way. Captain Obvious is not to be confused with [[Mr. Obvious]], who simply happens to have Obvious as a family name, as Captain Obvious pointed out in page 12 of his autobiography: He first rose through the ranks of the [[Professor Xavier%E2%80%99s School for Gifted Youngsters]] to join the [[X-Men]]. His actual superpowers are known by very few. Some speculate that it has something to do with levitation, super intelligence, or raising the dead. Whatever it was, most people forget that he has any superpowers, and eventually the name 'Captain Obvious' caught on. [[Image:CaptObviousTitanic.jpg|thumb|right|Captain Obvious on the [[Titanic]].]] He was first brought into the X-Men for his intelligence and vocalness, which quickly drove the group mad. He managed to demonstrate a moderate degree of usefulness when he was able to annoy and distract an evil-doer (a time-travelling evil mutant clone of the Silver Surfer) with his obvious statements, which gave the X-Men time to infiltrate the villain's lair. However, he earned few points with them for this performance because the X-Men were only infiltrating to rescue Captain Obvious. He was later expelled from the X-Men due to his numerous bouts of obviousness. The final straw came when Magneto broke into the X-Men's headquarters after Captain Obvious hid the key under a doormat, making off with Professor X's CD collection and the team's X-box. His expulsion may also have been related to the non-professional nature of his relationship with his sidekick, Readily Apparent Boy. Although group members did not disapprove of such relationships (the JLA readily tolerated a clandestine relationship between a certain bat-themed hero and his sidekick), the indiscreet nature of the relationship - including flirting in public and spats in crowded restaurants - drew unwanted attention to the Justice League. "I mean, it really wouldn't have been a problem," said [[Superman]] in an interview, "If they didn't have to make it just so freakin'... ya know... ''obvious''." ==Secret Identity???== Though Captain Obvious vehemently denies this (over and over), it has been suggested by some people that Captain Obvious and Mr. Obvious are, in fact, the same person. Those people cite examples of how whenever Captain Obvious leaps into action, it's always right after Mr. Obvious conspicuously leaves, loudly saying "I'm leaving now, but not to do anything interesting! I'm certainly not switching to my superhero identity, which of course, I do not have, as most people do not!" These [[conspiracy]] nuts, however, are always disproved instantly. The fact that Captain Obvious has stated on many occasions that he is probably not Mr. Obvious (nudge nudge wink wink), or that it would simply be way too obvious, are commonly accepted as proof. A new theory recently circulated that Captain Obvious is in fact the [[Guy_from_the_Ronseal_Paint_Adverts|Guy from the Ronseal Paint Adverts]]. ==Captain Obvious and Pop Culture== [[Image:Dumb sign.jpg|thumb|right|300px|One of the many road [[sign]]s made by Captain Obvious.]] [[Image:this-sign-has-sharp-edges.jpg|right|thumb|200px|Another of Captain Obvious' signs from his Campaign]] This inability of Captain Obvious to stick with any particular group has also hurt his cultural standing. An entire thirty minutes were cut from the first [[X-Men]] film to eliminate his role, due to the sheer 'predictability' of the character. He appeared once on The O'Reilly Factor in a historic appearance that lasted all of ten seconds when he blurted out that "Wait a minute, this show isn't fair and balanced at all." His comic book line sold out its first three issues, but sales quickly plummeted due to what readers complained was 'predictable writing.' These days he fills in minor roles, usually uttering phrases such as "That asteroid is heading straight toward us!" or "If we don't defuse this hydrogen bomb, the whole city will be destroyed!" His 900 page autobiography was also panned. In the book, titled 'This is a book about me, Captain Obvious', he admits what was already believed by many to be his greatest weakness. {{Q|I think my constant exclusion may have something to do with how I always say the obvious.|Captain Obvious|Page 22}} His autobiography had the following chapters. # The First Couple Pages # My Birth. How Two Opposite Gender Adults Make Me # My Body, and Its Many Features (Included specially detailed sections and diagrams on what his integral organs do, such as: his heart, his arms, and his penis.) # Growing Up. The Tough Obstacles I Endured Like Learning to Walk and Eat # Puberty, A Time of Change In My Life # Yes, I've Actually Been Alive These Past 40 Years # That Time I Wrote an Autobiography, and the Kind of Stuff That Went Into It # Yes, I Am Probably Going to Die Someday... # This is The Last Chapter. He has also starred in the following movies: *Captain Obvious saves Labor Day *Captain Obvious and the Terrorist *Captain Obvious kills Kwanzaa *Captain Obvious and "The Talk" ==Fortune Teller?== Captain Obvious has also tried predicting the future. Here are a few examples of his predictions. {{Q|Within two to three years the price of stamps will increase by an amount.|Captain Obvious|the future}} {{Q|People all over the world will have to purchase a new calendar within the next twelve months|Captain Obvious|the future}} {{Q|Someone will die today.|Captain Obvious|the future}} {{Q|You will eat food within the next 30 days.|Captain Obvious|the future}} {{Q|It's coming in the future.|Captain Obvious|the future}} {{Q|Someone will breathe today.|Captain Obvious|the future}} {{Q|Within two... no, three... years, there will be a year that is divisible by 2.|Captain Obvious|the future}} {{Q|Indeed, current events may become past events, but always remember that there will, now and always, be future events in the future.|Captain Obvious|the future}} ==Enemies of Captain Obvious== {{Q|He's a bit rubbish.|Captain Understatement}} [[Image:Capt oblivious.jpg|thumb|Captain Oblivious: Captain Obvious' worst enemy.]] Captain Obvious' skills have managed to draw the attention of a number of super villains: *His opposite, twin brother and Arch-enemy [[Captain Oblivious]] *Major Devious *Commander Vague *The Enigma *Meatwad *Commander Coy *[[Dr. Doom]] and [[Dr. Evil]] (although to be fair, everybody fights Dr. Doom or Dr. Evil at least once or twice) *[[Professor Subtle]] *[[Lord Durham]] *[[Socrates]] he ends up in a stalemate with Capitan Obvious in a philosophy battle, for every question Socrates asked, Captain Obvious gave an obvious answer like "This guy asks too many questions" or "He asks a question for the fifth time", leading Socrates baffled that he cannot teach Captain Obvious anything if he keeps answering obvious answers that don't really answer his questions so he can figure out how to teach him. ==See also== *[[Captain Obvious Cereal]] *[[John Madden]] *[[Admiral Ackbar]] {{2006Top10}} {{Q|There's also a note saying this article was on of the top 10 articles of 2006. But this article's over.|Captain Obvious|the above template}} {{Q|Unless you count the above quote. Then it's not over, until the end of said quote.|Captain Obvious|the above quote}} {{Q|And that one.|Captain Obvious|the quote above this one}} {{Q|This might be the last quote.|Captain Not-So-Obvious|}} {{captains}} {{Q|You should stop reading here. There's nothing left of the article.|Captain Obvious|the end of the article}} {{Q|This IS the last quote. However, it is not the last content on the page.|Captain Obvious|this quote|}} {{FA|date=1 April 2006|revision=649359}} {{Q|Okay, there is the note saying this article has been featured, but now the article's over.|Captain Obvious|the above template}} {{Q|Except for that last quote. And this one.|Captain Obvious|the true end of the article}} [[category:Superheroes]] [[Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person]] [[Category:Uncyclopedia In-Jokes]] [[ru:Капитан Очевидность]] [[cs:Kapitán Osvěta]] [[es:Capitán Obvio]] [[pt:Capitão Óbvio]]

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