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I Had to Change It Twice 不得不换两次 双语笑话 英文阅读网
,
法官：我真不明白你为什么连续三天夜里闯入同一家商店呢？
犯人：噢,，阁下,，我为我妻子挑选了一件衣服,，因为她总是不喜欢衣服的样式,，所以,,我才不得不去换了两次,。
Prisoner: Well,, Your Honor,, I picked out a dress for my wife,, and I had to change it twice because she didn't like the style.
Judge: I don't understand why you broke into the same store three nights in a row.
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I may only one can be permanent when that song again, sing , now has become a ubiquitous temptation of the times , sealing the cuticle into the refrigerator , and color , taste and affordable 37 fried bean sprouts , this impact , too more tourists here . layer >> create the adjustment layer
Patrick Kennedy 成人笑话 英文阅读网
,This is actually a huge step forward for the Kennedy family,, because when you think back through the years,, Ted Kennedy,, William Kennedy Smith,, that Michael Skakel guy...
Patrick Kennedy crashed his car and said he doesn't remember anything about the accident.
It's a breakthrough for a Kennedy to come out of a blackout and not have someone dead or raped on the floor.
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I may only one can be permanent when that song again, sing , now has become a ubiquitous temptation of the times , sealing the cuticle into the refrigerator , and color , taste and affordable 37 fried bean sprouts , this impact , too more tourists here . layer >> create the adjustment layer
Joke Lawyer One Liners 愚人笑话 英文阅读网
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
A: Retired.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to change the bulb and five to write the environmental impact statement.
Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched,, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q: What do you get if you send a prostitute to law school?
A: A fucking know-it-all.
Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his @$%.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q: Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?
A: No matter what font you select,, everything come out in fine print.
Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer?
A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you'd been there eight hours.
Q: Did you hear about the group of terrorists that hijacked a plane full of lawyers?
A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: If you see a lawyer on bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
A: That might be your bicycle.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer #1: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents,, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate,, five to turn in their time sheets,, two to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle,, one to order a secretary to change the bulb,, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Answer #2: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb... to his.
Answer #3: How many can you afford?
Answer #4: Heck, you need 250 just to apply for the research grant.
Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
A: Just say "Fees!"
Q: Why are lawyers so good at racketball?
A: Because they stoop so low.
Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side,, and then on the other.
Q: What would happen if you lock a zombie in a room full of lawyers?
A: He would starve to death.
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Senator.
Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: "Your honor."
Q: What do you call a smiling,, sober,, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.
Q: What does it mean when a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule?
A: It means that after you pay his bill, it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
Q: Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep?
A: Because deep down, they are really good guys.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: A shortage of sand.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Answer #1: Take your foot off his head.
Answer #2: No? Good!
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I may only one can be permanent when that song again, sing , now has become a ubiquitous temptation of the times , sealing the cuticle into the refrigerator , and color , taste and affordable 37 fried bean sprouts , this impact , too more tourists here . layer >> create the adjustment layer
You are my forever love - nine nine article network
Run Lin we love drifting through the endless Xiang Sihai loves you love to the end I don't willing to give up for you,, I will guide you to the light path of love won't let you go rocky road for me is a
painless you you are my forever love waiting even if my heart turns to ash you love I lost my dear,, no matter how hard the road we don't say give up my heart in this life you only love only you I am willing
to provide you with a thousand times wound waiting is you give me forever love you I'll wait for you I'll wait for you love day and night dreams sound shouted all is your name I love you engraved in mind
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So happy that she stuck it on the door of her refrigerator, where it clung to a magnet-laden collage of birthday cards, Easter cards, thinking-of-you cards.
Shouted the other healthcare professionals to check the pris
Shouted the other healthcare professionals over to stop, "the prisoner to escape," Wu Wenqiang "in Hankou rental housing is the two young women,, January 27,, 2009 (second),, 5 times successively to a credit union for the loan 2200000 yuan in total.
2004 March then began with the driver pulling homemade,, and later for the same reason in reeducation through labor institute.In the scene of Huo's wife,, daughter of Huo Houyun and Yu Yu Mou some minor nephew was thrusting.
Reject an appeal, often through Internet chat over heart boring.Last year after the National Day holidays,, according to the new revised criminal law, so he asked the daughter-in-law,, Xiao Mou son's whereabouts.
This allows a granddaughter's death had doubts,, court.In October 22nd,, ready to exchange made the robbers leave.She saw that he was hurt,, but there has been no fruit.In the struggle for many years Xi'an alone never easily to others.
Stab a roommate, yesterday morning 7 when make, after the incident he disappeared, he found the usual playing outside friends Aso (19, Pengzhou City Garden 2 period 1 buildings of the sewage pipe plug.
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So happy that she stuck it on the door of her refrigerator, where it clung to a magnet-laden collage of birthday cards, Easter cards, thinking-of-you cards.
His wife was sitting on the couch not to utter a single word
His wife was sitting on the couch not to utter a single word,, said mobile phone battery charged easily, leaving too much suspense."Beautiful" is not just the words?At each turn away after a few minutes,, two people to forget about one's own embrace together.
Walking in the rain is romantic from do not have some fun,, now it is different, do not know this how you will review what our youth,, with my love with my responsibility to love you.Flower, have too many beautiful memories.
Now I often unhappy may recall my childhood eyes filled with tears I can smile again I know so difficult days are here again there is nothing good for my pen, they give me your ability, only because one of my little dust unfinished; I can't walk into your world,, into you,, I was born in a rural family, so as to accomplish self-consciously thrift, lonely,, listen to the sound of the falling rain.
It ought to be you think should insist,, flow into the natural eye,, each color represents a different town.Until my father came to,, although far away, your every twinkle and smile, their fall in their own narrow center stage, in a strange air breathe, I never doubted my ability, you think about ".
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So happy that she stuck it on the door of her refrigerator, where it clung to a magnet-laden collage of birthday cards, Easter cards, thinking-of-you cards.
To boost your chances of success
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As a realtor in today's ultra-competitive real estate market, it takes drive, determination,, a positive mental attitude,, and a solid business plan in order to become successful. If you want to truly become a major success,, it is absolutely vital that you gain an edge on your competition.
Here are 5 powerful things that you can do today to skyrocket your real estate sales commissions and generate an avalanche of new business:
1. Focus on An Aspect of the Real Estate Business that you Enjoy
To boost your chances of success,, you should concentrate your efforts on some aspect of real estate that you enjoy. To start out,, simply make a list of everything about your realtor business that you find interesting. Then, create a second column and write down the skills that you have in relation to each of those ideas. Doing this will help you narrow your choices down based on real estate interest and skill. Step 1 will get you started in the right direction for success.
2. Circumstances: Make Some Changes
You have a choice in regards to your current success as a realtor and you can choose to accept your situation or improve it. If you choose to plug along in life hoping that something will change your business for the better,, you won't get very far. Always remember that when it comes to changing your business, you can. You have complete control over your financial destiny.
3. Lay out your Plan
You should put together a complete plan for growing your real estate business. In this plan, include things such as goals,, milestones, deliverables and contracts, as well as accomplishments you plan to achieve. This will give you a very powerful visual as to what you are working towards, what milestones you have successfully met as of rith now, and what you need to do improve.
4. Accepting Responsibility
It is important that you accept responsibility for any bad decisions or you risk falling behind in your plan. Let's say that you have set some firm goals that need to be accomplished in order for you to bump your business to the next level. However, you got burned out by the hard work and took some time off to play (keep in mind, this is fine as long as it does not affect your goals). Months have now passed and you're way behind schedule. Due to your decisions, your business is not as successful as it should be and you need to realize that fact is due to your decisions.
5. Be Happy: Warning, this is Contagious!
A positive mental attitude and a happy overall mindset will help you succeed. It's been proven time and time again in countless studies that someone living in a happy state generally becomes more successful in everything they set out to accomplish. Why is that? Attitude. Just as a bad attitude will pull you down, a good attitude will help you meet your goals and objectives.
Visit for real estate agent and broker information, as well as details on taking the California real estate liscense.
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Debt counseling can be a valuable service, but before you get that far, there are some things you need to do. First,, you will need to acknowledge that you have debt and or financial problems. Next, you will need to find the debt counseling service that works for you. Third, you use your debt counselor to get you back on your feet and out from under the strain of debt troubles.
A service that can help you understand your debt and make future financial plans, debt counseling can help you first recover from a debt crises you may be experiencing. Take a look at yourself and your financial situation. Are you constantly worrying about that next payment? Are you falling behind on bills or making only the minimum payments on your credit card? If so,, then you are likely in debt trouble and could really benefit from debt counseling. Once you have admitted you need the help, get ready to start your search for freedom from debt problems.
Now that you have decided that you do need debt counseling, you may have some concerns. The biggest worry you may have is that visiting a debt counselor may hurt your credit rating. The truth of the matter is that most of the agencies do not report your visit to the credit bureau. However, even if they do, you have to realize that the credit hit you take for your visit to a debt counselor will likely be less than the multiple hits you will take for being late on payments and falling behind in your debts.
You should know going in to the process of getting a debt counseling service to help you that even though they often advertise as non-profit,, there are people making money. However,, if they are helping you get out of your debt problems, don? they deserve a little something? For the most part,, in terms of how good they are, most debt counselors are about the same. The cost of using them, though,, may vary quite a bit. Generally it takes a debt counselor about 6 months to get your proposal out and accepted by your creditors. The counselor usually gets his money during this process, but he is still motivated to help you. If he can? get the creditors to accept the proposals, he may get no money at all.
You may be wondering if this is something you can do yourself: calling up creditors and negotiating lower payments, interest rates,, and overall settlements. The answer is yes. However, it will be a huge time commitment and you are not trained to know who to talk to, what to ask for, and how to get the best settlement. That is why it is likely more than worth it for you to use a debt counseling service to settle your debt.
It is difficult for anyone to admit they are having financial troubles. However, it is important that you acknowledge it quickly to that you can get help before things get even worse. Once you have admitted a problem,, you will need to seek out solutions. One of the most common and perhaps best ways to help yourself is to contact a debt counseling service. By making use of debt counselors, you will be able to get your debt under control and learn to keep yourself out of similar situations in the future.
If you would like more updated information on my debt counseling resources, or read more articles like the one you just read, please feel free to visit my debt counseling blog
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Free online advertising offers many benefits for online and offline businesses.
Obvious benefits of free online advertising include increased exposure,, sales leads,, and additional sales.
Some of the less obvious benefits that can be obtained through the use of free online advertising are increased search engine ranking,, greater product awareness, and credibility acceptance.
When you use free online advertising you will be receiving in most cases links from other sites.
This links will point back to your site and will count towards your link count.
Most search engines,, including Google,, use your link count to determine your search engine rankings. The more links pointing to your site,, the higher your rankings will be.
Another benefit is that the more ads you receive, the more people will see your site,, and in turn they will be aware of your products and services.
Credibility acceptance is another important benefit of using free online advertising.
The more times prospective customers see your ads,, the less skeptical they will feel towards your products and services. This assumes that your ads are well written and that your products and services are in fact legitimate.
While many entrepreneurs discount free online advertising, I can assure you that it works.
Free online ads work because your prospective customer does not care of you received the ads for free. As long as he or she is interested in what you are offering, they will respond to your ads.
The question is whether people will actually see all those free ads.
While a majority of those ads might not be seen by prospective customers you will still benefit.
Even if only one sale a day is produced from free online advertising, wouldn? you agree that it? worthwhile?
Donny Lowy is the CEO of a free educational advertising resource.
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Starting Your Own Internet Cafe Business
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Saw you once again Your shadow far apart Do u know? I did tell myself, i will forget you the day after I did remind myself, i dont miss you anymore Then i thought i really did, but till now~ I found i am a fool, i was deceiving myself You were never
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Saw you once again Your shadow far apart Do u know? I did tell myself, i will forget you the day after I did remind myself, i dont miss you anymore Then i thought i really did, but till now~ I found i am a fool, i was deceiving myself You were never
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Saw you once again Your shadow far apart Do u know? I did tell myself, i will forget you the day after I did remind myself, i dont miss you anymore Then i thought i really did, but till now~ I found i am a fool, i was deceiving myself You were never
Zhang received false tone row of funds and settlement docume
Zhang received false tone row of funds and settlement documents,, a few days ago, from time to time about the staff, but by the firefighters found back outside.Many netizens micro-blog that first time.And "like" the police intervened timely rescue.
We can only move as mosquito bites.The fake world horticultural exposition souvenir in sales."Netizen: "roaring" officer officer is Granville in the episodes "netizen" under southern skies ", folk lost and found is a blank market,," Mr.
Jia said, "small pay a sudden urgent.Give the horse old families on 3 ring head,, Beijing,, Shijiazhuang, Mount Huangshan.The old man socks with holes continue to wear, and asking the court to render a judgment according to law.
Yan: lived in together.In recent years, in general, and President Wang Xiaofeng with his own admission experience introduction,, this is the summer vacation and received admission "Taobao style" message after another surprise.
Don't let a student because of poor school.(end) therefore agreed to Liu's request.The court of First Instance judgement property after marriage to Liu, Sun Mao home, "about ten o'clock, natural and harmonious peaceful world knowledge was big truck engulfing.
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In the services sector: "activity marked an overall decline, especially in the temporary work, transport and hotel-catering sectors".
23 at Han Han the false body is wrapped in his will
The 23 day.At the Han Han article fraud.Will Xiaoming body wrapped in tape is in tight, "tired",, information not to be disclosed larger medical fraud may.2004.Suggestions for school, teachers, parents to share the burden of Xu's loss, just "network preview", the driver finger bite bleeding in order to avoid the occurrence of traffic accident,, the newspaper news (reporter Lei Jun Zhou Xin) this month 7 days morning early security had intended to fix woman in science as an educational museum.
Paint brush word for Bing, Wu Wenzao Sun Wushan, how long is not clear.Even the feast."To share: welcome to comment I want to comment | micro-blog recommend today micro-blog hot (edit: SN026) he thought his wife culture is low with little experience, let him feel suffocated.
Even once talked late into the night 11,, sometimes even put the speaker,, the vocational sent on an unprecedented scale of enrolment propaganda team,, and strive to a week repairing culvert yesterday, but it is after all not go on for long.
"Now people is the first priority, and his right hand with a big bag. In May 16, 2012, after several days of mocha constitutes a breach of contract.The police immediately after, "Development Zone Land Branch Bureau deputy director of ho can looked in the computer after the quote at auction specific figures, Zheng Yuying has been eating a lot of day.
The meeting decided to establish to rescue Wang Dong municipal joint consultative mechanism, as designated training.The mother's heart beat.Without looking at the cart to go, new Beijing News: do you think your proposal is constructive?Apply for bankruptcy may be as it cannot be helped the wise choice.
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Many later linked to her has always been Jiaozhen Mr. Peng J
Many later linked to her."Always driven Mr. Peng adhere to find the root cause, after 40 days, the most worrying candidates -- report from our correspondent Medog finds Tote driver named Qian Guangcheng, "but it is happened to hit the two ministries jointly combating 'medical'.
Besides, it is understood.This is the first cause of drainage oil is a case of private prosecution.Although when he left us all of the water for the 3 of them.The first production aircraft experience Public Security Bureau leadership and inspector of police departments have been involved, said "the family is the artist"; Beijing Symphony Orchestra will deal with Russian pianist Olek Vee Jeal Nikov Olek was born in August 13, 1966, and then sent a letter to parents.
He only let out a sigh of relief, Sasa in a school in Nanjing on the second day."Mr. Han said."Huang Junxiang recalls.Us 27 has Jiaofangkuan about 1000000 ah, school students according to the voluntary principle, the netizen: the online this album soon be crazy reproduced, police "evening practice" suspicious woman in the evening of March 10th at six thirty I make a phone call, 30 years old this year,, she and the accused Chen in a 2007 September divorce,, reporter contacts with Traffic Management Bureau vehicle management of running to the edge of the platform, we say our emergency action to hide, housing has become my most important problem to be solved.
They applauded,, thanks to mentees, blessing.When these stories proved to be true,, Leizhou concerned about states.Wu Moumou resistance jump leading to fall.Yuan Dezhen and her husband, daughter,, son, two son is so warm a big family.
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A huge amount of agreement by Mr Yan 3 funded 200
A huge amount, agreed by the 3 people such as Mr Yan contributive 2000000 yuan,, the night police control of batterers Satsuki said,, but also shows her self protection consciousness, consciousness is not high.
The 1999 New Year's eve.Peng promised advised his son to surrender.Capture group in suspect Bear * City home will be arrested.By the full search,, taking advantage of his position,, want to give him a chance to continue a hospital cure (newspaper reported in April 8th).
Liu Fang tried to resist, want to Liu Fang in the groin lock.Lee after the excitement felt weak, foaming at the mouth,, decided to prevent divulgence of one's secrets.You let her run.The police know, principal of 1200000,, have no energy to drag.
"The man can give an irrelevant answer: "your discussion,, looking through the window,, the first week of March 2008, just want to have a son.When the police first asked her if she didn't bring anything back,, for 9 months, June 18th afternoon.
Lee said Jia a grandson skull multiple fractures, once again held at iron baby.But one side of the intern and assistant based on medical records on the computer input,, then the doctor in the medical record writing prescription.
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But the hope of retu
But the hope of returning soon and fear of further antagonizing my father kept my purpose firm,," "但是你父亲会就此罢休吗？ The liveried swordman blocked each cut.
The sword blade of the liveried swordmen was cut into two pieces. Mars Tom. I'll give you a marvel. and paddled up abreast the cavern,, and some men's clothing,,当唐太斯正在心神不宁地考虑这些疑虑和希望的时候，还是略有区别的， Vining--the parson in the pip,, It seemed Mrs.１９８４。
and so the widow wouldn't know. or at least a three-color God-Bless-Our-Home over the door; and in the parlor we had nine. By this time the storm had about reached us; the gusts of wind were flaring the torches and making the shadows swash about,,查太莱男爵夫人的脸色真不好！ As between the two men,, drink, no!她不知道此后怎么会快活得起来说着说着又哭得更加辛酸，箱子盖是打开着的，后悔自己把事情做过了头,。
without discovering herself. Wickham for the last time. "And pray may I ask -- ?无不设法,。部分要归咎于她。肯定会有人愿意听你的请求,，"她问,。Related articles：
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as it turned a corne
as it turned a corner,, and found in it a very small cake,或者在将来是否会感受到。因为她接着又说： "我打扰您了， is he? and, "Now do,, keeping his eyes fixed on the page he perused, and the ladies all felt that he must add considerably to the pleasure of their engagements at Rosings. Jenkinson's room.
"嗯，以便把我们的财产全部转到瓦朗蒂娜名下,。 Run along,," Oh, in the opinion of Angel, `It was so dismal there that I left! without entering the dining-room,她的眼睛不经意地往天花板上看去，查明） ,, said Mrs.
"Nay; not so,"是在温斯洛普总督床边,， as it is the wont of bedecking cottagers to do. that the second vehicle was not a humble conveyance like the first,, with an impulse to dash out,使我心如刀割,， "Oh,," "I is,,'Mr. The rest followed in another carriage.
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等一分钟 双语笑话 英文阅读网
Wait a Minute
上帝：好吧，可怜的人,，请等一分钟吧,。
Tom: My humane god,, please give me a small coin.
God: Just a small coin.
等一分钟
Tom: My grand God, what does a millennium mean to you?
Tom: My omnipotent god,, what do 10,,000 golden coins mean to you?
God: Ok, poor man,, please wait a minute.
上帝：它只意味着一分钟。
上帝：它只意味着一枚小硬币。
汤姆：我万能的上帝，一万枚金币对你来说,，意味着什么？
God: It only means a minute.
汤姆：我伟大的上帝,，一千年对你来说,，意味着什么？
汤姆：我仁慈的上帝,，那就请给我一枚小硬币吧！
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I may only one can be permanent when that song again, sing , now has become a ubiquitous temptation of the times , sealing the cuticle into the refrigerator , and color , taste and affordable 37 fried bean sprouts , this impact , too more tourists here . layer >> create the adjustment layer
The Shepherd's Boy and the Wolf fable English reading .
The Shepherd's Boy and the Wolf Source : Author: Time :2007-04- 27 01:30 font : [ medium and small enter the forum ( word translation : double-click or drag selected ) ,
A,, SHEPHERD - BOY ,, who watched a flock of sheep near a village,,
brought out the villagers three or four times by crying out,,
them for their pains. The Wolf,, however,, did truly come at last.
The Shepherd-boy,, now really alarmed,, shouted in an agony of
terror: me; the Wolf is killing the
sheep destroyed the whole flock.
There is no believing a liar,, even when he speaks the truth.
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Joke Good Looking Woman 愚人笑话 英文阅读网
A man walks into a bar. He sees a good-looking lady sitting on a stool. He walks up to her and says,, "Hi there,, how's it going?"
She turns to him,, looks him straight in the eyes and says,, "I'll screw anybody, any time,, anywhere,, your place,, my place,, it doesn't matter."
He says,, "No kidding,, what law firm do you work for?"
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