Wikihood 2/eps/27
From The Wikihood
27 Battles and Birthdays
Synopsis
CAST (in order of appearence): Strong Sader, Strong Mad, Noxigar, Ekul, Homestar, Alt Noxigar, Strong Bad, Meek Sader, Bubs, Austin the Greggo, Chwoka, Vanhock, Dark Sader, Dr. Mcdoctor, Nived, Trevor, Shadow Scythe
Transcript
{Open to the field, there is apricot debris everywhere.}
STRONG SADER: Wow, that was almost-probably-not-certainly the best apricot battle ever.
STRONG MAD: YOU SAID IT!
{Cut to Noxigar, still in his Lexaeus form.}
NOXIGAR: Can we please have a flashback of the entire battle to actually make some sense? I mean, we do not want to catch InuYasha Syndrome, where absolutely nothing important happens for the entire series. Besides, Homestar needs a place for his Sweet Sixteen.
EKUL: Our flashback machine is broke. I don't know why.
NOXIGAR: To begin Phase 1 of his Sweet Sixteen, Homestar wants to go to Denny's.
EKUL: 16? Why do you think he's 16? That's rather young for an office job.
NOXIGAR: Homestar said that was a part-time job.
HOMESTAR: Yeah, but I still get paid. Now I wanna go to Denny's!
EKUL: Whoa, Homestar, either you lied to him, or to me.
HOMESTAR: Oh, uh... I'm not doing anything suspicious!
{Homestar runs away}
NOXIGAR: We better get to Denny's before we catch the contagious InuYasha Syndrome.
{Noxigar walks offscreen. Cut to Alt Noxigar in the alternate universe's train.}
ALT NOXIGAR: Well, well, well... looks like I need to fix the simulation's problems... but I do not need the Chaos Emeralds to cure InuYasha Syndrome!
{Alt Noxigar laughs maniacally. Cut to Homestar and Noxigar at the Denny's.}
NOXIGAR: So, Homestar, who do you want to invite to your Sweet Sixteen?
HOMESTAR: I could certainly invite Strong Bad and Pom Pom. I sure hope Marzipan will come, too! We need a theme, though. All them girls who bring the boys to their yards have a theme for their Sweet Sixteens.
NOXIGAR: Meek Sader is trying to make the location plausible enough. We need music.
{Cut to Strong Bad in his computer room typing, "strongbademail.exe"}
Dear S to the Bizzay, Wanna help with Homestar Runner's Sweet Sixteen? You get to choose the food, since we do NOT want an overbearing hippie to choose. Also, Homestar invited Strong Sad. If you could dress him up in some formal wear, that'd be great. Also, Meek Sader needs help with the Sweet Sixteen theme. Sincerely, Noxigar
STRONG BAD: Ha ha ha! Yeah right! As if. I happen to know that Homestar's birthday is August 21. I mean, uh, I don't know when it is. Right.
{OOC: August 21 is the day the idea of Homestar was created}
{OOC: Thanks. :)}
STRONG BAD: Anyways, allow me to get my barbecue grill over to Homestar's place. Wait, I gots a phone I can call Meek Sader up with.
{Strong Bad dials Meek Sader's phone number. Cut to Noxigar and Homestar in Homestar's house.}
HOMESTAR: Can we bring in the Mama Luigi?
NOXIGAR: Mama Luigi is a nuclear weapon, Homestar.
{Cut back to Strong Bad's.}
MEEK SADER: {Over the phone} Hello?
STRONG BAD: Hey, Meek for brains. Listen, I wanna know what you're planning to do for Homestar's birthday party.
MEEK SADER: {Still over the phone.} Well, I was hoping that I'd be able to get an under-water-palace-in-space theme. Homestar is really into those at the moment.
HOMESTAR: {Pokes in} It's true.
{Bubs walks onscreen dressed up as a Mudkip.}
BUBS: Hey, Homestar. I heard you like Mudkips, so I decided to dress up as one. Marzipan's doing the same!
{Cut back to Strong Sader and Ekul. Homestar leaps in.}
HOMESTAR: Hey guys! What is duding down in groove town?
STRONG SADER: Nothing. Go away.
HOMESTAR: {Begins farting loudly}
NOXIGAR: Can we proceed? InuYasha Syndrome is right around the corner!
HOMESTAR: Oh, right. I need an X Box 360.
{Austin the Greggo pokes his head in}
AUSTIN THE GREGGO: I can provide one!
{Austin tosses an Xbox 360 in from offscreen}
AUSTIN THE GREGGO: You see, I stole it from Shadow Scythe. I mean, I stole it from Bubs. I mean, he lent it to me! That's right... Anyways, I'll be somewhere else fixing the Flashback machine. It'll be done in six to eight hours. Until then, catch ya'll later!
{Austin leaves. Cut to Noxigar, Homestar, and the rest o' thems.}
HOMESTAR: Alright! Now to get Sonic 360 workin'! I like playing as Silver.
{Chwoka walks up and hits Noxigar with a comically large mallet.}
CHWOKA: And thus ended the worst subplot ever.
{Off screen cheering is heard. Pan over to see it's Vanhock with his mouth gaping wide. He closes it and the cheering starts.}
CHWOKA: Are you the guys supplying the laughtrack?
VANHOCK: Yes.
CHWOKA: Then how do you switch soundbites?
VANHOCK: Like this. {Sticks is finger in his nose and pulls it out. He opens his mouth, and a laughtrack comes out.}
EKUL: So... it WAS you some of the time... How come you kept doing it even when I gagged you?
NOXIGAR: Hey, no laughtracks!
{Noxigar kicks Vanhock in the skull, knocking him out. He then uses his tomahawk to chop Vanhock's laughtrack. The rest of the crowd mildly cheers.}
NOXIGAR: Alright. Now let's not make this suck horribly! We do not want to give this show a case of InuYasha Syndrome. Get Homestar's Sweet Sixteen ready!
{OOC: Read the top portion of Noxigar's dialogue to find out what InuYasha Syndrome is.}
EKUL: Yeah I know. You know, I think the Flashback machine is actually the important event machine too. That might explain why it broke, we destroyed the universe too many times.
NOXIGAR: Alright. Let's repair it. Then we need a flashback of the apricot battle so we triumph over evil. And that means YOU!
{Noxigar, still as Lexaeus, points at a portrait of Sephiroth.}
AUSTIN THE GREGGO: {offscreen} I'm getting there, you guys! {trailing off} man, all this code takes so long to export...
(OOC: Noxigar, I perosnally, don't like the whole "Super Sweet Sixteen" things, and I'm somewhat sure that most other people don't either. So, basically, I was curing Noxigar syndrome and preparing to cure Inuyasha syndrome. But you disn't let me go through with it, now did you? You just KOd my guy and continued with that stupid plot.)
{OOC: I don't think Homestar is 16. He lives in his own house. Not many 16 year olds do that.}
{OOC: The intent was to ridicule the show.}
NOXIGAR: Hmm... Homestar, have you found the idea to have a normal sixteenth birthday?
HOMESTAR: How'd you think Pom Pom's 16th birthday went? He was with so many women I couldn't count 'em all!
{Cut to a Denny's outlet. Homestar's party is going on. All the kings men are there playing the same tune as they did in Senior Prom. Strong Sader is with them and dressed in the same costume, providing armpit farts as the bass}
NOXIGAR: Strong Bad chose the food. I think we're having pizza.
EKUL: Hmmm... Something's not right. Wait.. I got it.
HOMESTAR: I'm ME! {Farts}
EKUL: No!
{Ekul steps up to the microphone and pushes the Poopsmith aside}
EKUL: Ahem! I have an announcement to make. You know that conspiracy theory I had? Well it turns out, it was correct! Homestar is having a fake birthday! He's just here to get the presents!
{Ekul motions to the presents, which are now gone}
EKUL: Doesn't sound like something Homestar would do?
{Ekul grabs Homestar and pulls off the mask}
EKUL: It's STRONG BAD!
STRONG BAD: Yeah, it was one of my better plans. I actually had to conspire with Homestar to make it work, which sucked.
MARZIPAN: Whoa. Deja vu. So where's the real Homestar?
{Cut to see Homestar whistling down the street in a completely black suit.}
HOMESTAR: That was fun! Fwee pwesents! Now time to wetuwn to the pawty as if nothing's wong
{Homestar slips in}
EVERYONE: GET HIM!
HOMESTAR: AAH!
{A caption appears saying "Six hours of pummeling later" Cut to Strong Sader and the others in the field.}
STRONG SADER: I knew there must be something wrong, Homestar never has birthday parties. He's content to just vomit birthday cake over Mazipan every year.
EKUL: It's too bad you didn't get your gifts back. At least I didn't get him anything. Hooray for suspicions!
MARZIPAN: Well, I got him a box of tofu. I don't mind if he keeps it, he needs it.
{Cut to Homestar at bubs', looking perfectly fine}
HOMESTAR: One box of tofu to return.
{Bubs gives him money}
BUBS: You know, I could make a racket out of this. We're both making money, since you return them at a lower price. Tell me you'll do this again next year.
{Cut back to Strong Sader and Ekul. Dark Sader and Nived enter.}
DARK SADER: Please to be hearing us out.
EKUL: Alright. Talk. What do want to say.
DARK SADER: He have your friend hostage!
{Pan to show Doctor McDoctor in a chair, bound and gaged and being threatened by Nived.}
EKUL: I don't care about that guy. The only doctor I need is Dr. Saw. See, he's a Homestar Runner character.
DARK SADER: Dr. Saw, eh? Does this happen to be... HIM! {Holds DR. Saw's severed head aloft.}
EKUL: Eh, I don't like doctors much anyway.
DARK SADER: Oh really? Well how do you like this?
{Pan to show Doctor McDoctor is about to perform surgery on Kyves.}
DR. MCDOCTOR: Well, Mr. Kyves, time for your bowl surgery.
EKUL: Fine. Go ahead and tell me your terms.
DARK SADER: We will cancell the surgery and your friends death, ONLY if you swear your loyalty to the Legio of Evil until the day you die.
EKUL: Sure. Why not?
NIVED: This is too easy. I don't think he understands what we mean by loyalty.
{Dark Sader grabs Ekul from behind.}
DARK SADER: To ready you for enitsiation, we must first break your mind and will through exposing you to your greatest fear...
EKUL: Whoa whoa whoa. My mind is my personal space.
DARK SADER: Nived, bring out Ekul here's worst nightmare...
{Noxigar runs onscreen, still as Lexaeus. Noxi uses the tomahawk and tries to slice Nived in half.}
NOXIGAR: There we go! Good triumphs once again!
{However, Nived catches the tomahawk and shreds it with his gravity powers.}
NIVED: Oh, forgot about that guy. Weren't you with the LoE?
NOXIGAR: Not no more. You guys were supposed to have been destroyed long ago. Allow me to use my catchphrase, which will make you laugh to death. NWORB ENAJ YESLEK!
{Noxigar transforms into Severus Snape.}
NOXIGAR: Avara Kedavra!
{A beam of light emerges from "Snape's" left hand and obliterates Nived.}
NOXIGAR: Who's next?
{Nived suddenly catches on fire, then turns into a similar looking figure}
NIVED: Well well well. You triggered my death routine that was revealed in Season 1. It looks like my personality is different! Hee hee hee. Well, I still don't have guilt. Now, begone!
{Nived makes a black hole. Right as it's about to destroy Noxigar, Austin the Greggo appears, causing everyone to halt and look over at him.}
AUSTIN THE GREGGO: Hold everything, guys! I fixed the flashback machine! Isn't that grea-
{The screen abruptly changes to "One apricot fight ago..."}
{Cut the the Stick. Homestar, Strong Sad, Homsar, and a patched-up Benedetto are there. Trevor is standing on top of a soap box.}
TREVOR: Alright, everyone. It's time once again for Strongbadia to feel the fluoride sting of the Homestarmy.
SHADOW SCYTHE: {pokes head in} With the power of apricots! {retracts head}
{Record Scratch.}
STRONG SADER: We interupt this irrelevancy to bring you actual plot development.
{Cut to the feild. Dark Sader has Ekul hostage.}
DARK SADER: Nived, have you got his fear?
NIVED: Yes, let's get out of here.
{Cut back to the flashback. Noxigar is with Trevor and Shadow Scythe, dressed up as Axel.}
NOXIGAR: The apricots are in this huge plasma cannon. Got that memorized?
HOMESTAR: You mean the one that's on fire?
{Laughtrack}
EKUL: Hey wait, that joke hasn't happened yet!
VANHOCK: Oh, sorry.
NOXIGAR: Stop the laughtrack, please.
STRONG SADER: APRICOT BOMB! {Strong Sader's apricot bomb detonates.}
{Cut back to the present time. Noxigar chases after Nived and Dark Sader, dressed up as Axel this time. However, they are long gone. Flashback again}
EKUL: APRICOT SABER!
{Ekul draws a long apricot that's partly green}
EKUL: Aw, crap. Since my name is Luke backwards, I'm bound to have somebody say-
EVERYBODY: LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER!
HOMESTAR: {in unison} LUKE I AM YOUR BOTHER!
STRONG BAD: Anyone else who's totally backwards??
{Ekul drops and rests with the others. The feild is full of apricot debris.}
STRONG SADER: Wow, that was almost-probably-not-certainly the best apricot battle ever.
STRONG MAD: YOU SAID IT!
{End flashback. Noxigar is seen still in hot pursuit of Nived and Dark Sader, this time as Xigbar and with two oddly-shaped pistols. He is shooting them. Dark Sader turns around and displays his own powers similare to Strong Sader's, only indtad of electricity, it's laser hands. He zaps and vaporises Noxigar, who respawns at Strong Bad's basement. Cut back to Nived and Dark Sader.}
NIVED: Heh. Let's go.
{Nived warps himself and Dark Sader into the distance with his gravity powers. Cut to the new LoE headquaters.}
DARK SADER: Well, Mr. Ekul, this is the beginning of the rest of your life. Begin the prosess.
{Nived opens a cage to reveal Ekul's worst nightmare.}
{OOC: How do we end this 'sode?}
EKUL: What's... happening to me? N-no! STRONG SADER! RUN!
{The End screen}
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