Vegetarian Brett and Andy
From The Extended Group
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Contents |
Beginnings
Prior to approximately the year 2000, both Brett and Andy were actually enthusiastic omnivores, known to indulge in all manners of processed red meat products on pizza's, in hamburgers, even teriyaki. Both were known to make the commute to Jack in the Box with other group members during lunchtime Freshmen and Sophomore year. Brett famously ordered a Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger on several occasions(subsequent research shows that one such "burger-sandwich" contains approximately 1100 calories and 72 grams of fat, a conservative estimate in the authors opinion). Approximately halfway through sophomore year, things began to change, at least for Brett. In early 2001, for reasons unknown, Brett made a philosophical decision to cease and desist eating meat entirely. Taking enormous amounts of flak from friends who insisted it would not last, and was not a healthy way to live, Brett pressed on, stating in a later interview (and paraphrased from the author's memory): "The night I went vegetarian, my dad brought home a bucket of KFC, and it was tough, but I held on". On a later trip to Jack in the Box (why these trips persisted with Brett is unknown), Lukas and Brett were debating the issue with Lukas maintaining that humans were by nature omnivores and had secured their place on top of the food chain, with Brett maintaining that raising animals for the slaughter was immoral and that one could not draw a clear distinction between sentient beings (humans and higher animals). At one point Brett brought up the hypothetical question. "What if it were discovered that human fetuses made the best meat, would you eat a fetusburger?". Lukas was somewhat disgusted and also baffled by this logic and the discussion went on.
The Golden Age
During junior year, it was common knowledge that Brett and Andy were vegetarians and thus special arrangements were made for their dining, cheese pizzas, fries from fast food establishments, perhaps even dabbling with tofu at places such as U-Grill. The health of Andy and Brett remained fairly constant, neither gaining nor dropping any appreciable amount of weight. Of course the ribbing never ceased and devious attempts were made to get them to eat meat. It was a great "victory" when Brett discovered that one of his favorite dishes, Ivars Clam Chowder, contained bacon. Terry, Jamie, and Lukas would sometimes attempt to hide small bits of lunch-meat in the curl of a potato or corn chip to attempt to entice Brett to eat them. Such immature tactics proved useless and all continued on their merry way.
Today
Andy has since dropped the vegetarian diet for reasons unknown. It can be speculated that he just enjoyed meat too much to give it up, now regularly enjoying roast-beef sandwiches from "Arby's" and such things as "Chicken Pad Thai; 5 Stars" (the latter being somewhat of a Tsoming gimmick, occasionally parodied by smacking ones lips while saying the phrase in a nasal voice, perhaps adding "dude" to the end). At press time, Brett is still a practicing vegetarian, although his list of animal foods is expanding. His primary seafood is clams and perhaps other molluscs (On a recent trip, it was proposed that a lobster should be eaten, so perhaps arthropods would be considered). The only chordates he is known to eat belong to the order osteichthyes, and those can be summed up as salmon, halibut, and cod (perhaps pollock). In general things seem to be going well for both Andy and Brett regardless of diet.
