Mr. Kelly

From The Extended Group

Revision as of 01:17, 17 January 2006

Steve Kelly, better known as Mr. Kelly is an English teacher at Shorewood High School. Most members of the group who attended Shorewood have in some way been impacted by this most memorable of educators.

Teaching Method

Mr. Kelly is known by students and faculty for his original and unique approach to teaching high school English. He seems in part to model his role as an educator after Robbin Williams' portrayal of Mr. Keating in Dead Poets Society, a point reinforced by his tendency to show the film in every class he teaches (even those in which most students have already seen the movie under Mr. Kelly's watch). The breadth of course curriculum covers some literary works, but generally focuses on learning "life lessons," particularly in deconstructing the mores of teenage conformity and social interaction. Mr. Kelly is known to give out somewhat sketchy dating tips, and once declared that for spring break, everyone's assignment was "to seize the day."

Critics contend that with this methodology there is very little actual substance in learning English skills. Mr. Kelly usually responds to such skepticism toward his techniques that he has endeared himself to students and faculty, that he has been teaching long enough that he has de facto tenure, and therefore can do whatever the hell he wants. A good example of this lax attitude towards class time usage was the first day of English 9 in which after the bell rang and the class fell to a hush, he continued talking with his TA for another 45 minutes, seemingly unconcerned by the loud conversation happening in the background.

Idiosyncrasies

Mr. Kelly has a number of mannerisms that have remained memorable to those who witnessed them firsthand. These include his god-like directing of persons inside or outside the classroom, up to his desk or wherever he sees fit. Also, Mr. Kelly is well known for his cartoonish facial expressions, including, but not limited to, his tendency to wink one eye convulsively while also contorting that side of his mouth, as though he is chewing on something unimaginably sour. Some have attempted to explain these facial expressions by stating that Mr. Kelly was aflicted with polio at a young age, and may also have a lazy eye. He has also been known to eat the same lentil-soup every day during lunch at his desk.

Freshman English

Brett, Jason, Lukas, Owen and Stuart all had Mr. Kelly for Language Arts 9 Freshman Year of High School. In particular, Brett, Lukas and Stuart all shared a table from whence their high school friendship began in earnest (this table was for a time terrorized by the rocking back and forth of Tynan Kogane).

Notable occurrences during this time included:

• Jason cancelling lunch frisbee because he thought it made Brett smell
• The verbose orations of Michael Sherry
• Stuart writing down the daily quotes and then trying to sell them to Brett and Lukas at the end of the semester
• Stuart grade-grubbing
• Mr. Kelly sending people outside when they fucked up
• The once infamous Mockingbird Video
• Owen becoming furious when Brett had to read his poem four times to the class
• Brett foolishly eating a chili pepper, panicking, then riding the bus home with a mouth full of water while trying to explain what happened to a confused Eric Santroch with crude sign language
• The formation of HYP, later Pork, later Shoenar

Creative Writing

Spring Semester of Junior Year Brett, Jeremy and Stuart all took Mr. Kelly's creative writing class, and shared a table with the now legendary Mark Moser.

Notable occurrences from this time included:

• Jeremy being called up to Mr. Kelly's desk for being ridiculous
• Jeremy's "mental photograph" piece, which endeared him to Mr. Kelly
• Mark's sexually graphic digimon fan fiction, which alarmed Mr. Kelly, everyone else
• Mr. Kelly instructing us all to bring a poem to class, Mark forgetting and then running to the library to return with "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe, of which he is instructed not to read, because it is so fucking long
• The first 20 minutes of class methodically wasted each day
• Shoenar performing (sans Lukas) in front of the class, with Mark as its Shatner-esque singer
• Brett, Jeremy and Stuart all producing CDs, then excusing themselves from class when Mr. Kelly plays them out loud
• Victor telling Brett and Jeremy later that day how terrible the recordings were
• Mr. Kelly recruiting Brett, Stuart for imprints

Imprints

Brett and Stuart took this Mr. Kelly-supervised class Junior Year, and by Senior Year of High School they were both editors. To make things interesting, most of their friends were recruited to join the literary magazine, resulting in one of the most memorable experiences of Senior Year.

Notable occurrences from this time included:

• Jamie joining review, the committee that sits around and evaluates submissions all period, then immediately regretting this decision
• Erica Merker filibustering to keep Time Car from being voted on
• All of us causing a lot of noise in the partitioned room, then hiding in various cupboards, leaving Jeremy alone to take the blame
• Jordan bringing his razor scooter into the class room
• Wheeling people around in the giant recycling bin
• Brett backing The Range Rover into a delivery car at Romio's, right after they had refused to make a donation
• Gavin, Jamie, Terry, others playing a ROM of Final Fantasy
• Jeremy popping unexpectedly out of a cupboard right as Lukas is about to ask Holly Watanabe to prom
• Abusing the student index to look up people's schedules
• The birth of Imprints Videos, including the never-released cut of the Pillsbury Doughboy Video
• No one listening to Tony

Trivia

• Mr. Kelly sometimes refers to his possibly fictional house in Australia
• Mr. Kelly sometimes refers to his possibly fictional wife as "his bride".
• Scaia was once rumored to have said that in the hierarchy of popular teachers at Shorewood, Mr. Kelly is the most loved
• Recently, Mr. Kelly appeared on a Drawing Game round as a bald, winking prostitute.