Ben Tope facts

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Revision as of 03:32, 28 April 2008

Ben Tope is a lovable, charismatic top-order batsman from St Pauls 1st XI. Over his

tenure at St Pauls, many rumours, some true, some unproven, have circulated about Ben and his

persona and abilities. They are detailed below.

Ben Tope's Mum makes mad tea
Ben Tope is considered the best batsman at the club to never make a 50
Ben Tope is considered the best bowler to ever put 18 out of 20 deliveries outside of the

training nets.

Ben Tope is a glorious man

* The chief export of Ben Tope is runs

To spice up his steaks, Ben Tope uses pepper spray for a garnish.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Ben Tope has 72, and they all score runs.
Ben Tope once ate three 25kg steaks in an hour, and spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.
While urinating, Ben Tope is easily capable of welding titanium
Ben Tope doesn't bowl strikes, he knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Ben Tope smile, but only two for him to destroy an orphanage.
Thousands of years ago, Ben Tope came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its descendents now have white hair.
If Ben Tope hits you while playing a pull shot, you will die. If Ben Tope plays and misses at a pull shot and you are within the vicinity, the wind behind the pullshot will tear out your pancreas.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off bats. Ben Tope bites the heads off Siberian Tigers.
Most people fear the Reaper. Ben Tope considers him "a promising rookie".

"Ponting was batting so mad, just charging down the pitch and doing whatever he wants

(Kieran Nolan styles), and then all of a sudden he's out (Ben Tope styles)

If you can add to this homage to Ben in any way, feel free to do so.