Smbx Heroes
From Smbx Wiki
Template:Finalsolutions There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against a wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a fucktard. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box. Tonight, you dine in hell.... But, are you "An Hero"?
Simply pwning oneself IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions,"An Heroes" are made, not born. When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Curt Kobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". (But don't let us stop you from trying. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your endeavours. However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair.)
The phrase "An Hero" dates back at least 100 years ago last thursday, to the proto-An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by one of his myspace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds
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"An Hero"
While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern linguists, usage of the quantifier "an" before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern CV that began with a 'h' in the onset was common usage before the 17th century.
But thou complying with thy princely wrath, Hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods Delight to honour ... [Cowper's translation of Homer, about 1790]
Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson and his friends are time travelers from the 16th century, and killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language. More of teh gay than 1000 William Safires.
Even Hitler, in prison in the 1920s, knew about the lulz that would soon engulf the internets, and slipped a reference to Mitch in his famous Mein Kampf:
In spite of the obvious similarities, "An Hero" should not be confused with "A Negro" and "A Necro".
"An Heroine"
For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is over 9000 times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has At least 100 times as much testosterone as your average woman.
Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine dying alone. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a favor by also removing themselves from the gene pool.
In most other cases, however, women are motivated to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. These women believe that people around them would support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "Cry for Help". Surprisingly, some women who attempt suicide will actually die. See also: Unrealistic Expectations and Hollywood Martyr. The only female an hero worth a mention is probably Christine Chubbuck, a 70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast, moments after making a joke that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts". She also beat Budd Dwyer to it.
Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero
- Guns
- Razor Blades
- Sex with a horse
- Strangulation
- Being a witch
- Kool-aid
- Drugs
- Bricks and Knives
- HxC Faggots
- Fapping to Furry porn
- Shooting up Malls claiming you'll be famous
NOT "An Hero"
Reasons you are not an Hero:
- You have not lost your iPod.
- You have not totaled your moms truck.
- You have friends that can spell.
- You did not kill yourself.
- You are over the age of 13.
- You are still alive.
- Your eulogy is not posted on Myspace.
- You are Owen Wilson.
- That's a fucking evoker you fucking weeaboo faggot.
- You have friends.
- You did not murder millions of jews in a bid to rule the world.
Reasons to become An Hero
- you couldn't find a wii at the mall
- The world will not ignore your pain any longer
- They canceled your favorite tv show
- You got a ride on a spaceship behind a comet
- Kool-aid tastes ALLLRRRIIIGGGHHTT!
- Summons helpful spirits
- You're Lanzer
- Your parents won't let you go see My Chemical Romance or Fall Out Boy
- You can't find your SCART connector!
- You lost your job at McDonalds
- Your prison lover left you
- You are in an "internet suicide room"
Hero Anthem
- Where have all the good parents gone?
- And where is my iPod?
- Where's the street-wise bullies?
- To assault me after school?
- Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?
- Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be
- (Chorus)
- I'll be an hero
- I'm becoming an hero at the end of the week
- I just killed two cops
- And I'm gonna be dead
- And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue
- I'll be an hero
- I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light
- I had a bad day
- And I was called gay
- And now I'm larger than life
Now I'm an hero.
Nigerian News Article
In Nigeria, they too are fond of becoming an heroes when they're not spreading AIDS and trying to rape white women. This news article confirms this.
An Hero movie attempt
Gallery
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Links
Bridgend, where Heroes go to copy the Internets.
The An Heroes of Bridgend
Template:Clear Template:Anheroes Template:Dying Alone Template:Memes
