DYK

From Shtarmon

Revision as of 00:18, 13 September 2006 by D3koy (Talk | contribs)

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... that you...Please read the Beginner's Guide, and please be funny and not just stupid. You agree to license submissions under CC-BY-NC-SA 2.0.

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...that unoriginality was invented in 1646 by Isaac Newton?

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...that the "About Vassar" page from the Vassar College website lists 34 different statistics? 24 of them are absolute values and roughly 32% are either ratios or percentages.

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...[Insert DYK submission here]

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...that if you find Snakes On A Plane, the best thing to do is to not move?

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...that the Internet is a series of tubes?

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...that this website may contain words, or traces of words?

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...that Mr. Tambourine Man won't take another Bob Dylan request?

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...that in 1983 a short, brown haired man named Tom read the dictionary to check for spelling mistakes. Upon finding a word he believed to be misspelt he consulted his dictionary, only to find that the word was spelt correctly.

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...that the Internet is a series of tubes?

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...that volupturous mangoes, complete with fetid Madagascar-finders should, with some butter icing, create a delightful cheescake-shaped meal of considerable cheesiness?

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...that Uncyclopedia is the worst? It is a total piece of junk.

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...that MySpace is not real life?

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...that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA

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...that two wrongs don't make a right, but two wrights make an airplane?

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...that the average male under 30 thinks about sex on average every 9 seconds and that the average person over 50 thinks about outliving their retirement income on average every 5 seconds?

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...that the more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets?

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...that if it ain't on a stick it ain't worth shit?

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...that the day of the storm is not the time for thatching?

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...that spontaneous human combustion is God's way of saying "Cool it, hotshot!"?

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...that Methodists can only listen to the Wu Tang Clan?

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...that dodongo dislikes smoke, yet has no qualms with crack cocaine?

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...that censorship is Template:Cgood Template:C and Template:Cnecessary Template:C?

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...that the theory that amputation of the left leg is a cure for the common cold is not widely accepted in medical circles?

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...that there was never actually a man from Nantucket?

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...that if more societies burned environmentalists instead of coal, CO2 emissions could be cut by up to 40%?

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...that you have new messages?
- ...that I have more?

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...that 99% of heroin users started out on milk?

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...that due to international copyright laws, U Can't Touch This?

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...that that if if you you were were wearing wearing 3D 3D glasses glasses right right now, now, this this sentence sentence would would knock knock you you unconscious? unconscious?

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...that the U.S. Government invented l33t for use in printing license plates on its cars to track which department they belonged to? Thus, a common plate for a Postal Serice-owned car reads "P05741", a CIA-owned vehicle reads "5PY0NU", and an IRS-owned vehicle reads "74X35-D347H".

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...that zebras don't have stripes, and every single picture you've seen of them has been Photoshopped?

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...that, since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?

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...that there is no other word for thesaurus?

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...The world’s only vending machine vending machine is in Kathmandu?

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...that the gorilla in King Kong was real, but Jack Black was created with CGI?

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...that it was Colonel Mustard in the Broom Closet with Your Mom?
- ...and the lead pipe?

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...that I Can't Believe It's Not Soylent Green is actually marmoset?

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...that the Holocaust is a controversial but hilarious subject?

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...that Oscar Wilde beat cancer(and by cancer we mean small children)?

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... that I touched it? Fuck you, Hammer.

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... that the Google Adverts here are sometimes funnier than the stories? Why not click one!

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... that Diet Santa dresses in white, has no beard and very few teeth?

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...that the phrase "Did You Know" is copyrighted by Scholastic Publishing and this website is currently being sued for unauthorised use?

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...that, following Greenpeace protests, it was made illegal to eat cheese taken from the moon?

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... that Billy Bob Thornton knows what you did last summer?

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... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins? The beautiful irony in God's universe is that the 72 are all male Star Trek geeks.

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... that this is not a pipe?

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... that my Oedipal tendancies are a RIGHT, damn it!

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...that until "The Great Orange Movement of 1921" Cheetos were Lime-Green?

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...that it's probably not weekend (The chance is 5/7)?

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...that if an admin even contemplates updating the DYK section, his existence will be negated?

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...that instead of eating or drinking, Mr. T absorbs the crushed self-esteem of the fools he has pitied?

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...that using the wrong kind of feces in your Poop Cuisine can lead to a metallic aftertaste?

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...that the external combustion engine is over 300% more efficient than its internal counterpart?

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File:SquishGray.jpg

...that 2006 is the year of the Bonsai Kitten?

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...that Jesus can walk on water?
...that your love is my love?
...that no one loves you not?
...that Jesus loves you, but everybody else thinks you're a dick?

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...that I give a shit only after taking laxatives?
...that chocolate-flavoured Ex-Lax works splendidly?

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...that Spiderman has a small penis?

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...that there are in fact several wrong ways to eat a Reese's?

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...that Loke is the god or angel of Change Management depending on your view?

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...that a bird in hand is better than crabs in bush?

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...that I.C. York-Hunt looks just like Mike Hunt?
...I.C. York-Hunt and raise you one Hugh G. Rection?

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...that Mr. Wizard is a liar?

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File:Gadams.jpg

...that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance?

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...that in mother Russia, the fool pities you!

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...that oldthinkers unbellyfeel Unped?
...that Encydram and Wikped are doubleplusungood crimethinks?
...that Sophia is watching you?

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...that James Bond fought for our freedom on numerous occasions, yet not one single day is set aside in his honour?

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...that the shampoo adverts were lying, you are in fact not worth it.

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...that the creamiest milk, the whitest bar, the good taste thats in Milky Bar was actually paraphrased from a much more disturbing (and incriminating) inaugural speech by Richard Nixon?

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...that there are at least three other businesses like show business, as proved by Al Gore in 1976?

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...that Anonymous does not forgive?

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...that I'm moist?

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...that SpongeBob Squarepants is actually a cartoon adaptation of the Ronald Reagan presidency?

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...that it is better to have loved and lost than to have lost and found?

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...that Fritz Alain won so many awards for teaching Ancient Russian?

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...that tin cans, with a string stretched between them, were invented in 1810 by Al Gore?

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...that people in New York change careers as often as their underwear?
...that people in New York don't change their underwear?
...that people in New York don't know the difference between software and underwear?

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...that the body of Jimmy Hoffa, dressed in womens clothing, was found in a Tucson basement?

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...that June is National Boycott Websites that Insult Their Contributors Month? See ya in July, asswipe!

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...that more 200,000 people die every year of papercuts?

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...that Journey only appears to have eight letters?

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...where your children were at 11PM last night?
...that God made children so annoying on purpose so people wouldn't have too many of them?

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...that in 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth across America only to discover... themselves?

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...that all the evil people in Star Wars have a British accent?

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...that Soylent Green is brown?

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...that A Pricing Analyst is the world's third oldest profession, right after the whore and the pimp?

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...that my other ride is your mom?

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...that, according to Steven Tyler, a reason for losing your mind sure can be the fact of going crazy?

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File:Wanted.JPG

...that Elvis assassinated JFK with his partner in crime, the Lindbergh baby?

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...that your wife is cheating on you with the pool boy?

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...that Billy Joel is an accredited driving instructor?

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...that the toaster was invented by accident by a piece of bread which attempted to commit suicide?

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...that Vincent Van Gogh was the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous?

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...that although Gridley Bryant invented many railroad technologies in the 1820s, he never wrote any of the Thomas the Tank Engine books?

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...that Beaver College changed its name to Flange College because it "too often misled wildlife conservationists"?

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...that in a pinch, hydrogen peroxide can be substituted for alcohol in most cocktails?

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...shit?

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...that a coping saw is used to overcome weight loss, alcoholism, and gambling addictions?

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...that all trees speak, but only some people hear them?

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...that Anti-pesticidal maniacs are responsible for the extinction of on average six species of insect every day?

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...that the maximum number of cats you can juggle is fourteen, after which you can juggle no more?

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...that the Sun God's gift of cancer is honourable?

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...that the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza was twice halted because the builders ran out of Lego bricks?

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...that some species of turtle are remarkably resistant to centrifugal force, and can reach upwards of 5000 rpm before their wee little flippers fall off?

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...that Afghanistan's primary export, after hard drugs, is dental floss?

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...that Mussolini's favourite film was Land Before Time IV?

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...that Tolstoy had to completely rewrite his manuscript for War and Peace when his hard drive crashed?

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...that for every sixteen breaths you take, Sting earns a million dollars?

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...that due to its evil, Planet Rupert is invisible to anyone who is pure of heart.

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...that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left?
...that two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do?
...that four lefts make a circle?

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...that at the moment, I'm not wearing any pants?

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...that all wooden legs are sold with a kick-stand?

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...that a Sponge Bob Square Pants is actually a form of contraceptive?

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...that questions end in question marks? Not with periods. Or exclamation points!

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...that we're much better than Were You Aware, Didst Thou Ken, and DidYouKnowYourName?

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File:Asiphus.jpg

...that after Fantasy Island, that guy who yelled "Da plane, da plane !" would return to his native Iraq to serve government official Dr. Asiphus Al Hussein ?

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...that all your base are belong to us?

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...that the world is NOT actually your oyster, it belongs to ME - ALL MINE!!

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...that Baby Jesus cries every time Limp Bizkit comes out with another album?

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...that you touch yourself at night?

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...that the flooding of New Orleans was actually caused by a suicide plumber?

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...that I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Gecko?

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...that when I un-buckle my Trousers of Justice, I unleash the purple-veined Sword of Truth?

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...that most superheroes wish they were working part-time? Quality day-care is hard to find these days.

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File:Wstyd6bo.jpg

...that at four o'clock all the honest politicians will shrink down to two feet?

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...that encoded into the dot of the "i" in the well-known phrase "Tesco - Every Little Helps" is a carefully worded contract binding your soul and all earthly estate to the will of Beelzebub, our Dark Lord and Master?

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...that the popular online game ZZT was actually invented in 1943 by Japanese scientists as an interrogation device? Moreover, did you know that it had a nausea inducement rate of 97% in early trials?

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...that when you play the album 'The Last Tour on Earth' by Marilyn Manson backwards you can actually hear the voice of Jesus spreading the gospel?

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...the muffin man?

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...that everybody loves you, baby. We're all going England crazy.

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...that I have the biggest penis? And the smallest hands?
...that ^ actually has a tiny penis and huge hands? Ladies, don't be fooled.

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...that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

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...that WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, and that IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH?

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...that Bill Gates has a good reason to name his company MicroSoft?
...that he named it that because it describes his penis?
...that you should name your company NanoSoft?
...that micro- means one millionth and nano- means one billionth?
...that in the long run, both mean tiny?

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...that I'm the last Prophet of God?

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...that Oceania is at war with Eurasia (it has always been at war with Eurasia)?
...that ^ is two minutes out of date? Oceania is at war with Eastasia, fool!

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...that Phil the mechanic has the keys to my garage?

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...that 75% of all Did you knows are made by 12-year-old bed wetters? - Hey shut up man, you're not playing the game. - You shut up! - No you shut up! - Look, all of you just shut up!
...that I'm not a bed wetter?
...that actually I lied. I am.

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...that the guy from Green Day stole my gothic sister's makeup?
...that he stole her panties too?

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...that you have the right to remain silent, and that anything you say can and will be used against you?

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...that in the criminal justice system the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: The police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and that these are their stories, doink doink?

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...that suicide bombers are a bunch of show offs?

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...that you are likely to be eaten by a Grue?

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...that Jesusland is NOT a theme park?

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...that the Romans are currently looking for the one they call Spartacus?
...that I am Spartacus?
- ...that no, that I am Spartacus?
  - ...that ...silence... I am Spartacus?
- ...that only one of these men is the real Spartacus - the other two are impostors. Panel, read along with me, if you will: "I am Spartacus. I was born and raised as a slave. In 73 BC I led a historic slave rebellion against the Roman upper-class. Our battle against the Roman legions, became known as the Third Servile War. Signed Spartacus."
  - ...that my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius - father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next?
...that my name is Biggus Dickus, and I rank highly in Rome!
- ...that this may be our last chance to use indented bullet points before EvilZak gets back from vacation?
  - ...that we better make the most of it while we can?
- ...that we'll make the bullet points undent rather than indent, before this all gets too silly?
...that I'll be Spartacus too, if you want?
...that I'm the Real Slim Shady?
- ...that he's Spartacus?
...that Spartacus can dance if he wants to?

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...that I'm running out of ideas for DYKs?

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DYK

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