Funny Short Stories
From Rumblepedia
Revision as of 17:45, 4 August 2007
A thread dedicated to funny short stories, plain and simple.
Examples
In order of appearance:
So Spider-Man and Superman walk into a bar, and Spidey notices a beautiful woman sitting at a table.
"Hey Supes" he says, "Check out the hottie in the corner."
Supes takes a look at the woman and says, "Meh."
"'Meh'? Whaddaya mean 'meh'?" Spidey says "That chick's smokin' hot!"
Supes shrugs and says "I've seen better."
Spidey scans the room for another pretty lady, and finds one at another table.
"Ok ok, how about that one?" asks Spidey
Superman turns around to look at the woman and says "Mmmmeh."
"Aw what!? C'mon!" Spidey shouts "She's even hotter than the last one!!"
"I've seen better." Supes says again.
"Fine. I'll find the hottest girl in this WHOLE bar, and THEN I'll get her number!"
"Whatever" says Supes.
Spidey does one more scan of the room and finds the hottest, most smokin' lookin' chick in the bar, and gives Supes a heads up.
"I'm gonna go get this chick's phone number." Spidey says.
"Hey Spidey. Don't you think it's a little odd that we're in a bar together in costume like this? I mean, we don't even exist in the same universe together, let alone go to bars every night. This feels like some kind of setup for a lame joke or some--"
"ZIP IT CLARK!" Spidey shouts "I'm on a roll here!"
Spidey then slowly makes his way to the smokin' hot chick, and then suddenly for no apparent reason .......Thanos and Darkseid show up and kill everyone.
- MaxofSteel
Batman entered the Cave, pulling on his gauntlets. The holiday season was always full of those who had too much to drink and somehow convenient access to sufficiently high rooftops.
Approaching the Garage/Workshop, he spotted something that had no place in his Cave - a Christmas card.
He snagged it, reading the message inside.
"Merry Christmas Bats ... hope you like the present ..."
Batman had rigged the Watchtower teleport system so that it would take three access codes to transport into the Cave's co-ordinate zone.
Wally's writing - sloppier than usual. Diana's favourite brand of perfume, only worn on formal occasions. Logical conclusion, they and one other had gotten drunk enough to ignore basic self preservation, teleport in without asking permission, and leave a present, whatever that was.
Deciding to solve the mystery later, Batman headed for the Car.
And stopped.
Before him was the answer to who else had entered his HQ - Kyle.
Only Kyle had the artistic ability and the equipment (his Ring) to place an airbrushed painting of a naked woman on the front of his Batmobile.
As he stumbled towards his car, he dimly noted that the woman painted in incredible detail looked a lot like Diana if she was a redhead.
Shuffling his car, the sight of 'PIMPMOBILE' painted in electric neon blue on the sides made him slump to his knees ...
Oracle pushed herself into the living room, with Black Canary, Power Girl, Jade, Hawkwoman, Faith and Wonder Woman seated around her new widescreen.
"Okay, Babs, why did you call us over for an emergency girls night?"
The world's greatest hacker held aloft a videotape in triumph.
"Batman did an undercover stint as a pornstar a few years back - and I've got the tape."
Diana snorted most of her Coke out of her nose, splattering the back of the reclining Jade's head.
Hawkwoman's eyes widened. "You're kidding ..."
"He was hunting down a runaway, and since cops don't go quite far enough 'undercover' ..."
Power Girl reached out, snatched the tape out Of Oracle's hand, and tossed it to Canary, who was closest to the VCR.
Barbara wheeled herself into position as the movie started.
The Batman was soon identified as the only male with acting talent (A general consensus was made to interrogate the Dark Knight on his makeup technique and supplies at the earliest opportunity) and a cheer went up when he and a blonde started to perform.
Faith raised an appreciative eyebrow. "Two fingers?"
"What?"
"Her bra catch. Just like that. Good sign."
"Of what?"
"Performance."
"No way."
"Could have just stretched an old bra around the back of a chair, and practiced." Every head turned to Barbara, who shrugged. "Used to babysit a boy who did that a lot."
"What happened to the kid?"
"I ended up dating him."
Jade threw popcorn at Barbara, but was stopped by Hawkwoman. "Shut up! He's going to ..."
"Show the Bat-pole?"
"The Trouser Bat!"
"The ..."
The debate stopped instantly.
Diana made what could only be described as a choked squeak behind her hands.
Faith blinked several times before daring to speak. "This widescreen really makes a difference ..."
Canary nodded, taking a large gulp of soda. "Camera angles. Special lenses."
Barbara made a mental note of the relative size of the actresses hand and jawbone (with the size of a quarter seen earlier as a reference point) made a mental estimate, and reached for a bottle of tequila.
The rest of the scene was watched in silence until Diana made her first observation. "She's either a really good actress, or ..."
"Well, in comparison with those other two times ... it's looking more and more like ... Or."
A chorus of murmured assent filled the air.
When the scene finished, the movie was fast-forwarded, showing that he wasn't in the rest of the movie.
"Well ..." muttered Jade. "That was interesting ..."
"Yes."
"It's going to make working with him a lot more interesting ... right?"
Diana was heading to the bathroom - she wanted to apply makeup for the meeting in a few hours time ...
"I can't believe you're making me do this." stated The Batman.
Diana rolled her neck around, the costume making her feel constricted. "If I lost that bet, what would you have made me do?"
"Your next three votes at the JLA meeting would have copied mine exactly."
Too quick to have been a lie. "What, no making me dust your mansion in an indecent French Maid's outfit?"
"I'll remember that for next time."
"Ready?"
"N-" his reply was cut short as Diana pushed him through the door.
The room full of heroes in Halloween attire turned to see Diana, Ambassador of the Amazons, stop and pose in her outfit - a full replica of the Batman's grey-and-dark-blue outfit, complete with ultility belt and outside-underwear.
Then they saw the Dark Knight, obviously very unhappy, stalk in after her.
Wearing a Robin outfit.
Complete with pixie shoes and green bikini briefs ...
- Adrian Tulberg
