Slasherofprices

From Realmofthemuse

Contents 1 Canon 2 Character 2.1 Backstory 2.2 Personality 3 RP History 3.1 Milliways Bar 3.2 Mixed Muses 3.2.1 Appearances by 37-year-old Skinner 3.2.2 Post Death

Canon

Simon Skinner is a character from the film Hot Fuzz, written by Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg. He is played by Timothy Dalton.

Hot Fuzz concerns London police officer Nicholas Angel, exiled to sleepy country village Sandford as a result of his hard work, which has made everyone else in the London police service look bad. Sandford is seemingly free of crime, though the accident rate is high. Sergeant Angel soon suspects these accidents are, in fact, murders. His initial suspect is smarmy supermarket manager Simon Skinner. He soon discovers that the true perpetrators are is a watchdog group called the Neighborhood Watch Alliance, of which Skinner is a member.

Character

Naturally, as Simon Skinner is a secondary character in his canon, most of his backstory is made up by me.

Backstory

Simon Skinner was born on March 20, 1950, the second child of Edward Skinner and Elisabeth Bates. He studied ballet as a teenager and was given the nickname "Sissy" for it. The name has stuck ever since. After failing to become a danseur, Simon worked for his father's grocery store, becoming increasingly dissatisfied with the way his father ran things. The formation of the Neighborhood Watch Alliance gave Simon an excuse to perform a coup de grace...ahem, d'etat on his father, after which Simon sold the grocery store to the corporate supermarket chain, Somerfield. Simon managed that shop under the flag of Somerfield for twenty years until he was arrested in 2007 on multiple counts of murder and conspiracy to commit murder. He was convicted on all counts and served a life sentence until he died from cancerous complications from a very long, thorough, and recently revived smoking habit.

Personality

Simon Skinner is a smug bastard. On occasion, depending on what age he is, he can be subtly overworked, irritable, twitchy (if he's 37 and before his father's murder), or he can be remorseful and given to extreme depression (if he's in prison/post-death). By default, however, he is an irritatingly smug, corny, sleazy, and distractingly malicious. He does not understand the concept of other people's personal space. While he is quite handsome, the prospect of romance with him as he appears in canon may cause uneasy feelings, as one might feel if a wolf shows up on one's lawn.

RP History

Milliways Bar

Simon Skinner entered Milliways Bar on June 18, 2007. His closest friend (for a given definition of "friend") in the bar is Le Chiffre. There may or may not be UST between them. There is no UST between Simon Skinner and Ana Pascal, because they done secks. Whether this progresses into something more than a casual sex relationship between Ana Pascal and a 37 year old Simon Skinner has yet to be seen. She didn't seem too trusting of his 56-year-old-self when he was in the bar...

There was a brief moment when Skinner, suffering from a bout of apple-borne amnesia, thought he might be the actor Timothy Dalton, but he's recovered from that--though The Living Daylights and License to Kill are vying to be Skinner's favorite movies above his beloved The Red Shoes. After all, what Bond fan wouldn't want to see themselves as James Bond?

Mixed Muses

Appearances by 37-year-old Skinner

A 37-year-old Simon Skinner toting an axe dripping with his father's blood entered a theoretical Milliways Bar and commenced to terrorize John Byers. John Byers later had his mind fucked by a 56-year-old Skinner who had no idea who he was, then again with the return of the 37-year-old Skinner, and then ultimately by James Bond. John Byers has arguably sustained his dignity and sanity through the ordeal.

Post Death

A post-death Simon Skinner was brought into a theoretical Millways Bar, where he met a Sarah Jane Adventures-era Sarah Jane Smith. They done have secks. Then, they fell in love. As for Alan Jackson--well, he can't quite compete with a man who looks like Timothy Dalton.