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Janusism
From Randomramblings
Contents |
An Introduction to Janusism
In early October of 2006, Lord Janus noticed that the denizens of RR had become godless heathens, and suspected that this might be the root of their unhappiness. So he created the Holy Church of Janusism to give his brethren direction in their lives.
Excerpt from the Holy Doctrine of Janusism
In the beginning, there was life. But this life was bland and pathetic, and humanity was rather bored and suffered much. One day, when the people had been forsaken and left to wander the desert by there supposed "God," Janus appeared before them with a bountiful feast. He offered this feast to these people, on the condition that they follow him as the one true Lord and Savior. Many joined his feast, but those heathens that declined remained loyal to the God that had forsaken them decided to continue wandering the desert. And so Janus taught his new people the laws to which they were to abide.
1-Thou shalt offer thine souls unto Janus, and in doing so though shalt be given a place in Heaven.
2-Thou shalt recognize the Holiness of the Hubjo.
3-There is no three.
4-Thou shalt accept the divinity of Janus.
5-???
6-PROFIT!
And so his people lived in relative freedom and happiness. Janus led them to a kinder place, where they had fresh water and game in plenty, and from there they prospered and spread.
Select Passages from the Book of Janus
Book of WRYYYYYY, Ch 5, Line 2:
"And Janus didst sayeth unto his people, 'And ye who have lived thine lives according to mein laws shall be lifted unto the Kingdom of Heaven upon thine death, where thou shalt take on the tentacled true form of the divine.'"
Book of Whut, Ch 34, Line 9
"The Hubjo, being the instrument of the divine, shall be used in mein sermons. As shall be the bagpipes and panpipes. And other instruments as necessary."
Book of Skullfuck, Ch 12, Line 16
"An if ye shall sacrifice a Japanese Schoolgirl to mein Holiness, then thou shalt be rewarded with a place in my Kingdom."
Book of Yiff, CH 3, Line 46
"Any man who earns my hatred shall be punished dearly, and cast into the eternal darkness, where his torment shall be decided."
Book of Sarlacc, Ch 6, Line 18
"And ye shall not suffer opposing religions to invade upon my peoples."
Book of Yiff, Ch 1, Line 1
"And yea, Yiffing shall be allowed by Janus, for it pisses off other religions."
Book of Mane, Ch 17, Line 24
"And yea, from this day forth, males are encouraged to wear their hair as women do, for it makes them sexy beasts."
Book of Sin, Ch 7, Line 18
"And yea, Janus dist give his followers the charred flesh of their foes, and they did feast."
Book of Justice, Ch 9, Line 163
"And lo, Janus didst decree that justice shall be ironic in nature whenever possible."
Book of Pants, Ch 12, Line 39
"And thusly did Janus smite the pants daemon, and he did forbid his followers from wearing them ever again."
Notable Figureheads of Janusism
Janus-Lord, Savior, and Prophet
Hinoa-DA POPE
Agnelcow-Archbishop of Ambiguity
Moe Ron-Holy Chef
Doom Inductor-Dark Cardinal
BloodVex-Bishop of Church Activities
Adamjirra-Paladin of Muffin-Jutsu
Catdrake-Cardinal of Misinformation.
