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From Randomramblings

Revision as of 10:02, 6 November 2006

“Janus? Fuck, he's here? Quick, hide me!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Janus

Janus

His full title is "Lord Janus", but thanks to a hazy and ill-defined past, it was not known until recently what, exactly, he is Lord of. He has stated in his Ask Thread that he is from another universe. Home to a supermassive black hole, his home universe was doomed to become nothing more than an infinitely dense point of matter. A few years ago, he left his home, and the country he was Lord of behind, as they were soon to be absorbed by the black hole. He wandered the void of the multiverse for a few months, eventually found this universe, and decided to settle down for a time.

He joined the Kingdom of Loathing on Christmas Eve of 2004, and later joined the forums on the second of the following February. He didn't make his entrance into Random Ramblings for another month or so, but thanks to the infamous Kenny 4 Prez thread, he soon made an equally infamous name for himself.

To this day, Janus still hangs around RR, terrorizing newcomers and veterans alike. He's also a regular in the IRRC. He is also a notable postwhore, surpassing even Doom Inductor to weigh in at the fifth-highest postcount of the forums.

The Man Behind the Mask

Janus is, in non-intarweb reality, a poor Mainah college student living in a well-furnished cave in a section of woods just within range of his school's wireless signal, allowing him to connect to the internets. He can often be seen hunting small animals for food and clothing, and as winter nears, gathering wood and siphoning gas from cars in a nearby dorm parking lot.

His large, six foot four body and wild mane of hair have occasionally led him to be mistaken for Bigfoot.

Exploits and Habits

Janus is rarely seen without his sword(s) and fedora, and is widely considered a psychotic madman. He prefers to think of it as a healthy obsession with "seeing people go 'splat'" however, and ignores the accusations of those around him.

In recent months, he has taken up the habit of satisfying his nether-regions by "secksing people in the head". Otherwise known as "skullfucking," this habit is scorned, and feared, by many.

Every now and then, if incredibly bored and listening to music, Janus will make a thread based on that particular song, usually with a snarky poll. Featured bands/artists include The Beatles, Sweet, Meatloaf, RHPS, David Bowie, and some others he can't remember.

Pants

Janus hates pants. Long ago, in one of his travels, he came across a lone monastery in a European mountain range. The place had long fallen into a state of disrepair, but Janus found an underground chamber that had obviously once been heavily guarded. He ventured within, only to find a single scroll of yellowed paper sitting upon a stone pedestal. Upon it was written the tale of the Anglo-Pantalooian War; a war between the early Anglo-Saxons and the first members of the (now gigantic) race of intelligent pants. This scroll told the terrible secret of the legwear that most of the world enjoys, and Janus cast off his pants at that very moment in horror and disgust.

Janus traveled the world for many years after this, observing the pants' plan and trying to spread the word of their evil at the same time. His words have not reached kind ears; however, he is ever vigilant in his quest.

Penis

It is said that Janus does, in fact, have a penus; thus further proving that most men actually have them. Though it is not as big as oh_no_shrubs' penus, it still exists in his pelvis. For editing this section into Janus' article, shrubs is probably going to be subjected to skullfucking; but that doesn't matter, because Shrubs' penus is still larger, no matter how many times his skull is fucked.

Janus is not going to retaliate, because he is secure in his masculinity, and knows that it's not the size the counts; but rather, the skill with which you use it.

This user is a filthy commie.

This user has been Candlejacked. D: HALP!!