This average male, with his tribal ring tattoos, is attempting to entice females to 'suckle' certain areas - as if to say "Come hither, I too have a vagina..."

A tattoo is a marking of one's skin through the usage of either a pen, or less commonly printed transfer paper and a damp cloth. A tattoo will last between 3 and 7 days, depending on how often the area of skin is washed, although they can be immediately removed with alcohol. Like piercings, tattoos are an important way of showing people that you are both daring and an individual who refuses to obey The Man.

Getting a tattoo

To get a tattoo, one must go to a tattoo parlour. In exchange for a seemingly unreasonable sum of money, the artist will then stab you repetitively with coloured pens to put the design on your skin. This is done using a special device that makes a loud humming noise so as to intimidate you, and the stabbing element is actually completely unnecessary - tattooists just like seeing people in pain, as they are sadists for the most part. Finally you will sit down for 15 minutes and drink a glass of water, as the humming noise has been know to cause nausea or epilepsy. Then you can leave, and go show all your friends how cool you are!

If cost is a factor, you can often receive a discount on the price of your tattoo if you volunteer to appear on the tattoo shop's TV reality show and receive a tattoo from the shop's apprentice performing his first tattoo. Another low cost alternative are jails and penitentiaries, where many tattooists practice their art on the willing and unwilling.

Tattoo Artists

The first person you see in a tattoo parlor will be a scary looking man/woman covered in tattoos and piercings and wearing leather (the chance is big he/she is in for SM), who is likely the leader of a local motorcycle gang in their free time (watch out, could be the hell's angels of Mercy). This is a tattooist, the person who will apply your tattoo.

It is a well-known fact that all tattoo artists are also satanists. They have sold their souls to the dark lord in exchange for unrivaled powers in concentrated small talk. Tattoo artists sacrifice Christian babies to make their ink which they then imbue with the power of the monarch of Hell. If you get a tattoo that means that you have drunk the blood of the innocents and you are now a satanist too. This is the whole purpose of a tattoo, so that one satanist can recognize another through an obvious skin marking. Welcome to the dysfunctional family.

Common designs

Here is a list of common tattoo designs, and their significance/meaning:

• Star(s) - I listen to metal/punk music, wear Converse trainers, and use Myspace daily.
• Teardrop - I am unable to cry due to malfunctioning tear glands.
• Tattoo on a girl's lower back, right above her ass - I am a slut.
• Swastika - I really enjoyed the film 'American History X'.
• Spiderwebs - Don't tell anyone, but I touch children.
• Band logo - I had sex with the lead guitarist of .... , and all i got was this lousy tattoo and Aids.
• 'Tribal' symbol/band - I got this done just to fit in.
• Butterfly - OMG I love kittens and bunnies, they are SOOO CUTE! AWW!
• Equations - I did this as a dare/want to cheat in my upcoming exams.
• Chinese/Japanese symbols - I want to appear spiritual, but have no idea that this is actually item 34 on a takeaway menu.

• Fire - I am X-TrEmE! I ride a BMX bike and protest against things! Fuck the system!
• 'M' on the forehead - I am the Ultimate Super Bad Ass Muthafucker... bitch.
• Arm Band - I got a cool tattoo just for INKEDNATION.COM
• Nintendo Wii in erogeneous area - I am a real American.

Animal tattoos

Animals are people too and enjoy a good tattoo job from their local tattoo artist. As a way of establishing identity, cattle are especially fond of full-body tattoos.

See Also

• Tattoo Education