Monkey disease
From Popwiki
"Communism is an epidemic, like Monkey Disease."
"I swear to god I didn't know wxhat I was getting into!"
Monkey disease is a terrible disease in which you are attracted to acting, admiring, and worshipping lesser developed primates. This is 38% fatal, but only due to the fact that everyone who's anyone wants to kill whoever's acting like a monkey. After an extended amount of time admiring monkies (yes, that is the correct plurallization of the word 'monkey'), one may undergo certain changes in physical features. These changes come in phases and these phases are ranked by three details; intellectual inteligence, overall hairiness, and last but not least, body shape - interestingly marked by a particular 'knuckle dragging' posture. Each of these phases occurs directly after the previous phase, and not until before the ensuing one begins.
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Symptoms
- You are suddenly attracted to the smell of your own feces.
- You lose interest in American animals like squirrels, cows, and chickens. (All of these animals pale in comparison to monkeys.)
- You bathe in Chef Boyardee daily.
Cure
There is no known cure yet except for that band with Robert Smith in it. Researchers are working around the clock, trying to find a way stop this pandemic of primate pedophilia using only music by the Cure to no avail. Although a cure seemed to be developed at one point in 1988, right before shipping, the product simply stopped being produced. Many experts agree that mass Kitten Huffing was the reason production halted, citing that the victims spontaniously explode when contact is made between Robert Smith and the inner workings of your mind. It has been proven, however, that one thing does slow down this deadly, deadly disease - A swift roundhouse kick to the face (from Chuck Norris of course). If the kick is not delivered by Mr. Norris, the disease will worsen 100 fold.
Side Effects of the Cure
These are all assured diseases you WILL get after you have cured Monkey Disease - which includes but is not limited to a floppy 2 inch penis.
- AIPS, not to be confused with AIDS
- Color Blindness
- Epilepsy
- Pregnancy
- Communism
- Lazy Eye
- Alchoholism
- A Heart Attack
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome
- Pubic Lice
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Fun Facts
- Monkey disease is the second largest disease in the world! Second only to the Islamic religion.
Cases
Some names of extreme cases are Chewbacca, the Attichittuck, and Oscar Wilde.
