Nathan Page
From Pirate Bitch
Nathan Page was an extra who appeared in many TV programmes throughout the 1980's and 90's, though a single one of these has yet to actually be found, except for the comedy show Warning: May Contain Nuts starring Jamie Tuffield, in which he played an unnamed pupil in the Mr. Wittiker sketches. fan of the show dubbed him "Fat Background Boy". He is found humourous because he is often seen picking his nose in shots. This, revealed producer and Ex-Prime Minister Rob Paterson later, was not actually part of the script, and that Page had just decided to inspect his left nostril, possibly to check if there was food up there. He is also the bassist and backing vocalist of the sex kittens of rock that are The Count And His Men.
Page became infamous for his live performances, including one at the Academy Awards where his dress fell down exposing his bra as he collected an Oscar for Best Supported Actor.
He was also renowned for his re-enactments involving a painful memory, and Bertie the Bus, a joke that never wore thin
Nathan Page has also been described as "Slightly like a mole" by Jamie Tuffield, the famous satirical documentarist, who almost made a film about Page but went to buy a hamburger instead.
Nathan Page attended Chatham Grammar School for Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders, before it was ruined, where he is remembered for his famous deeds and unforgettably fat nature. His two sons, Turner Page and Paige Page, attend the school in the present day, and were two of just fifteen survivors of the school's mini-apocolypse. They survived because they were in the Nathan Page-Block, a room for fatties named after their father.
In 1994, Nathan Page was seen to commit suicide live on Jamie's Big Eat, and was believed to be dead until recently. It turns out he just collapsed because he hadn't eaten for five minutes, and at that point, an audience member was shot dead. The gunshot was therefore mistakenly believed to have caused Page's collapse, the hamburger in his lifeless hand was easily mistaken for a gun, and the case was wrapped up. The dead audience member was believed to have died from laughter, and that case was closed too.
New evidence showed that Nathan Page is still alive, mostly the fact that his autobiography, "Me, and Bertie" was published last week. Also pictures surfaced of Nathan and Shewhomustnotbenamed, dated 2005, adding fuel to the fire that the legend lives.
After being spotted in several fast food outlets, it was confirmed that Nathan Page is alive. He had been living under various alias, such as Bertie, Mole, Tramp, Mamp, Trole, Harry Page, Jabba, Hippo, Pelican, Pelimippo, Knock, Bang, etc.
Nathan Page also starred unnoticed on Page 3 five times between 1997 and 2002.
Also, the Honey Monster in those cereal adverts by Garald S Kirk is now known to have been Nathan Page.
Nathan Page's left breast is called Lucy, and the right one is Rachel. He says his penis was called Peter, but is now covered by a Bertie the Bus, and is thus mistakenly called Bertie by anyone who sees it.
It has become clear that Nathan Page has reformed his obsession with Alice. In recent days, messages of a perverted nature have been sent. The incomplete message transcript was "I fantasize about you all the time... not since Ruth have I... imagine I'm having sex with you...". It is also a concern that Alice has been missing from her home for some time now, it is believe the deceased until recently Nathan has abducted her and is living in a cave with her somewhere in Lithuania.
Nathan's current species file is marked as "unknown" but it is widely believed that he is in fact human. Some even believe him to be a fully functional and in fact resoundingly affable chap, merely posing as a fatty loser in order to infiltrate The Count And His Men in an attempt to bring down the inexplicably successful IMP Records from the inside. This is said to have been funded by the Connex train company who blame comopany owner Ian Pay for the loss of sales on their trains. And a horrifying mess in the toilet.
Bertie the Bus
Nathan Page on a bad day
