Michael Burton

From Pirate Bitch

Michael Burton is a childhood friend of famed fool Garald S Kirk and is able to recount incidents like the time he got jenga in Garald's eye or the time he left Garald's Harry Potter book on a bookshelf in Ireland. These heroic deeds aside, he is commonly known for looking like an owl. He once had a thing for Chloétta Fourtrees, but alleges his marraige to Garald was a sham.

He is beloved by Garald's mother, who gave him a candlelit three course meal, slipping a fifty into his pocket, before demanding Garald stop staring and eat his single slice of bread. He is also invited to "Shit in Garald's bath, anytime!".