My Valentine Smells Like Feet
From Pfnetwork
Fungus cream anyone? Watch!
Cast: Peanut Foot, Mrs. Bunion, Mr. Blood, Eyeball Ball, Onion Foot, Cupcake Man, Carrot Foot, Smarty Pants
Running Time: 4:01
Locations: Outside Peanut Foot's house, Inside Peanut Foot's house, Mrs. Bunion's house, Cupcake Man's house, [www.walmart.com Walmart], A field
Page Title: Sweet Hearts and Fungus Cream: A Winning Combination
Transcript
{Cut to, presumably, outside Peanut Foot's house. Peanut Foot takes mail out of his mailbox and, presumably, heads inside. Cut to Peanut Foot's house.}
PEANUT FOOT: {reading from the letter} Dear Mr. Foot, Happy Valentine's Day. Oh, and by the way, {the caption reads, "By the way"} your bills are due. So please {the caption reads, "Please" instead of, "So please"} send us the money. Sincerely, the Electric Company. Eh, I don't need this.
{Peanut Foot rips up the letter and takes out a lighter}
{On the screen} Nerdy Comix Presents: "My Valentine Smells Like Feet". Made by Asher. Music by Videlectrix. On with the show!
{Cut to Mrs. Bunion's house. Mrs. Bunion is sitting next to what seems like her computer. A lightbulb appears above her head, then lights up. She takes out a book called, "Evil Plotting for Dummies."
{Mr. Blood enters the room}
MR. BLOOD: What are you doing? Are you listening to me?
{Mrs. Bunion takes out a club labeled, "STRESS BUSTER". She seems to hit herself and snap her book in half.}
MRS. BUNION: GO AWAY!
MR. BLOOD: {reluctantly} Okay.
{Mr. Blood exits. Cut to Cupcake Man's house. Cupcake Man enters with a 5:00 shadow and shaving cream. He sprays the shaving cream onto his face and takes out a razor. He shaves the cream off, and, while doing so, cuts his face. A lot. Cut to Peanut Foot's house.}
PEANUT FOOT: Hm... Ms. {Peanut Foot says Ms. instead of Mrs.} Bunion usually does something evil by now... I wonder what happens? {the caption reads 'happened' instead of 'happens'.}
{Peanut Foot takes out a milkshake/slurpie and takes a drink from it}
PEANUT FOOT: I'm bored!
{Cut to WalMart. Eyeball Ball runs over to what appears to be Customer Service, where Onion Foot is sitting behind a desk.}
ONION FOOT: How can I help you?
EYEBALL BALL: {puts a box of SweetHearts on the counter} These SweetHearts taste like fungus cream.
ONION FOOT: SweetHearts always taste like fungus cream! But I did see a green foot-shaped person come in in the middle of the night with a jug of fungus cream.
EYEBALL BALL: MRS. BUNION!
ONION FOOT: No yelling in WalMart, please.
{Cut to Mrs. Bunion's house. Mrs. Bunion and Mr. Blood are... there}
MR. BLOOD: What now?
{Mrs. Bunion smacks Mr. Blood with a dead fish}
MR. BLOOD: I'm bored!
{Cut to Cupcake Man's house. Cupcake Man is sitting, er, floating at his computer desk}
COMPUTER: Welcome! You've got spam!
CUPCAKE MAN: How wonderful. Wait, what's this?
{Cut to the computer screen. Cupcake Man is on the CNN website, and he clicks on a link. A video player pops up, showing Mrs. Bunion saying one line...}
MRS. BUNION: I didn't do it, I tellz ya!
{Zoom out back to the desk. Cupcake Man has taken out a red telephone somehow}
CUPCAKE MAN: {on the phone} Eyeball Ball, I need your help.
{Cut to a field. Cupcake Man and Eyeball Ball are talking to each other}
EYEBALL BALL: So... what do we do?
CUPCAKE MAN: We need to bust into Mrs. Bunion's house and start a dramatic fight scene.
{Carrot Foot drops in from the sky}
CARROT FOOT: I shall help you get revenge on Mrs. Bunion. For it seems like it is the cool thing to do. {The captions do not show the 'it is'}
{on the screen of Mrs. Bunion's house} A bit later.
{Cut to Mrs. Bunion's house, where Eyeball Ball, Carrot Foot, and Cupcake Man are yelling at Mrs. Bunion}
EYEBALL BALL: HOW DARE YOU PUT FUNGUS CREAM IN SWEETHEARTS!
CUPCAKE MAN: HOW DARE YOU HARM INNOCENT CANDY!
CARROT FOOT: I'm just following these guys.
MRS. BUNION: {puts on a shark costume} I'll need to wear this protective shark costume.
{Cut over to Mr. Blood, where he puts a record player on...? Cut to Mrs. Bunion, who is "swimming" behind the table. The Jaws theme is played}
CARROT FOOT: Enough with the Jaws rip-off! Get to the action!
{Eyeball Ball punches Mr. Blood. Carrot Foot zaps Mrs. Bunion with his "lightning eyes". Cupcake Man hits Mr. Blood with his head. Carrot Foot kicks Mrs. Bunion. Text appears at the top, reading, "Live: 1", "Level 4", and, "Points: 34,850". Eyeball Ball throws Mr. Blood to the ground. For no apparent reason, Smarty Pants appears and walks around}
{on the screen} ~We've edited out a scene of brutal beatings.~
{Peanut Foot enters to see Mrs. Bunion with scratches and a small fragment of the shark costume, Carrot Foot with a swollen eye, Cupcake Man with blood around his face, Mr. Blood with X's for eyes, and Eyeball Ball with bandages around his back}
PEANUT FOOT: What the heck is going on here?
CUPCAKE MAN: Mrs. Bunion put fungus cream in SweetHearts so we started a fight.
PEANUT FOOT: She didn't {the caption reads 'did not'} put fungus cream in SweetHearts. Look at this.
{A box of SweetHearts is held up to the camera. The ingredients are listed as sugar, fungus cream, and paint.}
CUPCAKE MAN: Ew!
PEANUT FOOT: And Valentine's Day isn't about {the caption reads 'aboot'} fight scenes and Jaws rip-offs. It's about {once again, the captions read 'aboot'} giving meaningless {the captions omit meaningless} generic gifts cards to all {all is omitted in the captions} the people {the captions have this as 'ppl'} you know.
EYEBALL BALL: But wait, if Mrs. Bunion is truly innocent, how come Onion Foot saw her sneak into WalMart in the middle of the night with a jug of fungus cream?
MRS. BUNION: I work at the WalMart!
{Peanut Foot exits and Smarty Pants enters.}
SMARTY PANTS: HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
{Fade out to black}
Notes
- The transcript nor the running time for the toon don't include the time and text of the intro.
- Cupcake Man's shaving cream is labeled, "Shave it off 123".
References
- The book, "Evil Plotting for Dummies" is a reference to the Dummies series. See more here or here.
- SweetHearts are a small heart-shaped candy produced by NECCO. Each SweetHeart has a stereotypical Valentine's Day message printed on them (ie I love you, Be mine, Kiss me, etc.)
- [www.walmart.com WalMart] is a huge retailer store. It's motto is "Always low prices!", which is seen in the toon.
- [www.cnn.com CNN] is a television network and stands for Cable News Network.
- The video player on the CNN website is a reference to Quicktime, whose symbol is a blue Q.
- Jaws is a movie about a shark.
