Govism
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Definition
Govism is a fictional religion created by the user Kumagoro, and is the first known religion based on GovTeen. It is not endorsed by GovTeen, however it has become the official-unofficial religion. The beliefs are strange and obscure, but not too dissimilar from Roman Catholicism. It's main purpose is to; "humiliate, antagonise, corrupt, satarise, insult, undermine and generally make fun of other religions." (As quoted from the description of the diary.)
The religion itself is viewed by most as eccentric and insane, and such people are probably correct. Most of the threads in the diary, Ye Holiest Churche of Govism[1], are totally random, but usually pertain to religion and/or religious satire.
Belief system
The religions belief system is based around the partially-fictional GovBible, which is quoted in various places, but mostly made up on the spur of the moment. Such random passages are not usually verified 'texts' of the religion until the Founding Father of Govism deems it such. Fortunately for him, the nature of the GovBible is that it must be written in the style of late-medieval texts for added satirical effect.
Govism has a ranking system that defines everyone under certain positions. They are as follows (from highest rank to lowest):
Founding Father of Govism
The GovPope
Archbishop of Countdownbury
The GovProphets
Priests/Pastors
Members (Believers with no rank in the Religion)
Basis and GovCommandments
Govism is a monotheistic religion that has one deity, the Deus Adminus, commonly referred to as the Adminus, Deus, or simply Admin. He is essentially the Catholic God, but a little misguided. Viewed as a superior with a severe drinking habit, He is according to Govist belief, "The greatest being in the universe, second only to that Girl from Ipanema". Those who follow Govism are subject to a sort of Ten Commandments. Essentially the reverse of the Christian Commandments, they are as follows:
1: Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou wouldst not wish to spoil thine appetite. 2: Thou shalt not worship idols. Especially Pop Idols, they art thy suck. 3: Thou shalt show thy love for me by praising me once per day. I prefer song and dance, but whatever is convenient. 4: Thou shalt not take my name in vain. Vanity isn't good. Neither is Vanity Fair, but that's besides the point. 5: Thou shalt remember the Sabbath Sock, and keep it hole-y. 6: Thou shalt honour thy father and thy mother, for they shall be unawares when you lynch them unsuspectedly. 7: Thou shalt not murder, unless you really want to. 8: Thou shalt not commit adultery. However, thou can commit oldagery. 9: Thou shalt not cover your neighbour, his house or slave, or ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to thy neighbour. However, his wife is fair game. 10: Thou shalt have hot, depraved group sex at every oppurtunity.
According to the GovBible, the Adminus carved the GovCommandments into stone: "The ADMIN said to Ingrate, 'Come up to me on the mountain, and wait there; and I will give you the tablets of stone, with the GovLaw and the GovCommandments, which I have written for their instruction.'" (ExoGov 24:12).
The GovProphets
The GovProphets are members of GovTeen that are said to have appeared at various stages during the history of Gov and given sermons, performed various miracles or generally pester people to convert. There is no knowledge of who all the GovProphets are, but a list of known GovProphets (many still surviving on the forums to this day) are below.
GovProphet Ingrate, The First and the Last. (Also current GovPope)
GovProphet Kendra, Queen of Awesomeness.
GovProphet Christian, Former Aider of P101.
GovProphet Taydus, Keeper of the Raptor.
GovProphet Fox, The Fursona Liason.
GovProphet Jaden, Keeper of Boyish Looks.
The Adeptus Adminus
An organisation within the Govist faith, they have been referred to as the "Spanish Inquisition" of Govism, and the "Govist Illuminati". They are the most devout advocates, armed with flaming pitchforks and electric torches, and a loud voice with which to spread the word of the Deus. Excorcis Novus Maha is the head of the Adeptus Adminus, however his location is disputed. Having not been around the forums for quite a while now, he is missing, presumed having a life.
Many have fallen prey to their cruel intentions, however not many of those have survived the rigorous... introduction process. They are not endorsed by the Govist faith officially, but enough links have been made to see that Govism fully supports the Adeptus Adminus. However, many Members fear for their safety after a BBC News article was published stating that the Adeptus Adminus has ties with Scientology. Official word from Kumagoro, the current Founding Father of Govism denies the rumours intently.
--Kumagoro 11:20, 10 September 2006 (EDT)
