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if necessary

By Coach Cary Bayer

This is a happy story,, though don’t be surprised or disappointed if it brings a tear or two to your eyes. It concerns my 88-year-old mother,, who lives in a nursing home in Dallas and who’s now among the most present people I’ve ever known. She also happens to have Alzheimer’s Disease; note the word have, rather than suffers from.
Mom enjoys the moment, even if it’s a visit from her son who she carried in her womb for nine months, lived with for 18 years, and bragged about for 25 more, but now doesn’t know from Adam. She thinks I’m either her brother, who just died at 91 (I must have aged poorly); her husband (a corpse for 10 years); or her father (who’d be 118 if he wasn’t dead for 25 years). And I thought I was a pretty lively guy.
During my most recent visit, she was kissing and hugging a stuffed animal as if it were a new-born grandchild. I asked Mom if it was her daughter. When your mother has Alzheimer’s,, it’s important to go with her in whatever reality she happens to inhabit at the moment. She said yes, the “doll” was her daughter. So we played as if “she” were just that. Mom laughed excitedly and regularly, and asked at least a dozen times,, “We’re having a wonderful time, aren’t we?” She was right; we were. I hadn’t laughed like that with my mother since I played with stuffed animals. It was one of the most enjoyable times I remember ever spending with my mother. Yet, if any medical professional were there to judge her competence,, it wouldn’t take more than a minute to determine she was incompetent. And certainly insane by our standards as well. It takes some adjustment in your own being to know that your mother is what we used to call mad.
Unlike most of us who are anything but mad,, Mom has no past and no future: she resides in an eternal present and,, like an innocent child,, enjoys it immensely. Clearly, she enjoys it more than any adult I know,, with the exception of some gurus I have been privileged enough to have spent some time around. Mom is a child in an 88-year-old wheelchair-bound body. And like a baby, she needs her diapers. It’s ironic how life comes full cycle, as Shakespeare so eloquently described in his seven stages of man speech.
While my heart breaks to see what’s become of the mind of the woman who brought me into the world and brought me up to join it, I appreciate that she often has a merry old time, blithely unaware of her condition. If the dark cloud of Alzheimer’s has a silver lining—as I believe it does--it’s that the greatest suffering takes place among those close to the patient, far more than the patient suffers herself. It’s also that the “patient” has much to teach us. Here are just some of the things that my mother, “the patient,,” taught me during my most recent visit:
1. Enjoy the present because that’s all that you have.
2. It doesn’t matter what time it is, because time doesn’t exist.
3. You don’t have to know who people are, or what they do for a living, to have a thoroughly good time with them.
4. Stuffed animals make great playmates and,, if necessary, companions or family members.

• * *

MY MOTHER, THE NOW

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France plans before the end of the year to withdraw all combat troops, two years earlier than NATO troops.There are 6 and the French army, Afghanistan, attacks related to participate in the discussion

he was finding a “backup” for his wife

This affair was likely a result of what I call bio-chemical craving for connection - the theory that people experiencing stress,, separation or loss often are inclined toward thrill-seeking behavior and this frequently manifests itself in the form of an affair. It's a way of over-riding true emotions by opting for a “high” instead. It's probably the case that Edwards couldn't handle the idea of losing his wife to cancer and so he sought a way to cancel out that fear by deciding to have an affair. It's a way of acting out – not talking out – extreme feelings in a person's life. It's also possible that, subconsciously,, he was finding a “backup” for his wife,, in the case that she did pass away.

The important this is to not let the stress get the better of you and to keep engaging eachother in honest conversation. It's hard not to let these conversations escalate,, but it's important to keep a neutral tone so that each person feels comfortable talking about their concerns:










Using this as a springboard to honest discussion is crucial if you want to save a relationship.

It's been almost a year since John Edwards revealed to the public that he had had an affair with the woman that produced his videos in preparation for his campaign launch,, and now his wife has written a book about the whole thing. He came clean to his family before the scandal broke publicly and they decided to work through things. The book explores their journey through the politics and press,, and into Elizabeth's battle with cancer,, the fear that it created and the stresses placed on the family.







*Echo what you hear and validate your partner's feelings – truly listen to the other person and let them hear you repeat their thoughts and concerns back to them. This assures them that you ARE paying attention and not just continuing with your “agenda.”

*Detach from your emotions – try not to let your responses be emotional,, but rather focus on the facts and the truth.







Stress of course,, also plays a factor - though his isn't an excuse for an affair and it certainly isn't relegated to politicians – although there's a reason they have a pretty high instance of marital infidelity. Traditionally,, men have a harder time talking about their feelings and therefore seek “comfort” by engaging in risky behavior. Once this behavior is discovered – often in the form of an affair – it doesn't have to signal the end of a relationship. Instead,, it can be used as a spring board for honest discussion. I believe that just about any marriage or relationship can be saved,, and divorce isn't usually the best option – even in cases of unfaithfulness.










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France plans before the end of the year to withdraw all combat troops, two years earlier than NATO troops.There are 6 and the French army, Afghanistan, attacks related to participate in the discussion

True or false

What Are The Responsibilities of the Christian Wife?,







* To seek God’s will for her life and marriage


• To submit to her husbands spiritual management
  
• To respect and honor her husbands position
  
• To be a help-meet to her husband by helping to make their marriage and family life productive in and for the Lord
  
• To put her marriage first,, above everything else including work, and even children

Are you seeking God’s will for yourself and marriage? True or false?
















In some instances,, because of needs not getting met, husband and wife become disrespectful with each other. This unappreciative attitude keeps the household system in an unorganized and chaotic uproar. Pretty soon they begin to blame each other for the disarray of the marriage. The wife starts getting bossy with her husband and the husband gets bossy back and they both seek solace from outside influences.
















Do you see how when couples unknowingly keep God out of their marriage they begin walking as individuals instead of one flesh? The wife does her thing and the husband does his thing. But when you care for your marriage in the ways of the Lord, God’s influence encourages you to be givers for each other—its part of the blessings of marriage.

God’s Word has not changed just because it is the twenty first century,! Husbands still have the God-given responsibility to protect and provide for their wives in the ways of the Lord. Unfortunately most Christian married couples do not understand the Godly principles that are attached to the husband being the spiritual head and confusion has ensued.

So what’s the problem with Christian marriage today? The problem is men and women have not been taught in their church to partake in their God-given roles and duties in the ways of the Lord and consequently complete chaos and confusion has ensued. Society has turned marriage and love upside down,!













What can married Christian couples do today to save their marriage from becoming just another worldly marriage? They can bring God into the marriage and follow the God-given responsibilities that Christ has taught for couples to follow in marriage.

Where is walking with the Lord, as the Christian is instructed to do?

On the flip side of the coin, when God is far from our own hearts, we become self-seeking,, self-centered,, and unappreciative and behave in ways that go against the will of God in marriage. Is it any wonder most marriages end in divorce or are unhappy?










Do you think that if a husband were living out his purpose for marriage his wife would have a problem submitting to that purpose? I think not. But what is happening now in Christian marriage is the wife works all day, and she is tired too,, and the result,, both husband and wife begrudgingly do merely what is needed to sustain some sort of balance in the home. But they are both emotionally drained.







What Are The Responsibilities of the Christian Husband?

Ask yourself,, “Am I doing the will of God when I do this?” If the answer is no then pray about it. Ask Christ to guide you in the proper ways and lead you to being the man or woman that He would like for you to be for your marriage.







True,, True,, and True!







* To seek God’s will for his life and marriage


• To provide for his wife financially
  
• To love and care for his wife the way Christ does His people—The Church
  
• To protect his wife from outside influences and abuses
  
• To put his marriage first, above everything else including his work and children
  
• To discipline and love his children in the ways of the Lord

Christian roles for marriage have become perverted. True or false?
Immoral Christian culture has taken hold of Christian society. True or false?
Feminism has turned a wife’s responsibility in marriage upside down. True or false?


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France plans before the end of the year to withdraw all combat troops, two years earlier than NATO troops.There are 6 and the French army, Afghanistan, attacks related to participate in the discussion

which would make for a massive exodus of some 50 lawmakers.

President Roh Moo-hyun and the former Uri Party chairmen Chung Dong-young and Kim Geun-tae are in a head-on clash over the party��s dissolution. Chung and Kim want the party dissolved and are threatening to quit if that is impossible. Chung told the Chusun Ilbo by phone that the public ��wants the integration of the ruling camp,, not the maintenance of the Uri Party.�� He vowed not to participate in the party��s presidential primary. Kim told reporters Thursday the dissolution of the Uri Party was ��necessary.�� The two are set to leave the party with their followers in late May or early June,, which would make for a massive exodus of some 50 lawmakers.

President Roh lashed out at Chung and Kim on the Cheong Wa Dae homepage on Wednesday,, accusing them of shirking their responsibility for the party��s malaise. Chung responded the president should respect the principle of keeping out of everyday politics. Cheong Wa Dae officials in turn denounced the two former Uri Party leaders,, accusing them of lacking any distinctive political views and sense of responsibility.

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1 in a valley bottom found firmly hold together the 18 College students. At present 18 students body safe and sound, already in place in Mount Huangshan fire fighting retreat to rest, according to a preliminary understanding they are students of Fudan University.

and has once again overtaken Korea.


Global credit ratings firm Moody's on Thursday raised China's sovereign rating by one notch from A2 to A1. China is now placed in the same ratings group as Greece,, the Czech Republic,, Macao,, and Slovakia,, and has once again overtaken Korea.

Moody's adjusted Korea's sovereign rating upwards from A3 to A2 just yesterday,, putting it briefly on par with China,, but that situation turned overnight.

China's improved rating is attributed to the nation's ballooning foreign currency reserves and increased ability to pay off foreign debts,, as well as solid economic growth and steadily shrinking government debt.

The Chinese economy has grown roughly 11 percent so far this year and its trade surplus has soared to US$112.5 billion,, a staggering 84 percent increase year-on-year.

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1 in a valley bottom found firmly hold together the 18 College students. At present 18 students body safe and sound, already in place in Mount Huangshan fire fighting retreat to rest, according to a preliminary understanding they are students of Fudan University.

the Broadcasting Producer Association of Korea

The Korea Journalists Association,, the Broadcasting Producer Association of Korea,, the National Union of Media Workers and the Korea Internet Newspaper Association have joined hands with the Government Information Agency in efforts to abolish the National Security Law,, which all of the parties agreed was an obstacle to freedom of the press. The four media organizations had originally said they were going to meet with the GIA to try and resolve a dispute over the government��s plan to consolidate press rooms in government agencies. Their surreptitious agreement was revealed when the GIA disclosed the draft of an announcement to be made jointly with the four media organizations. The remaining 13 items in the draft are too trivial to mention.

The call to abolish the National Security Law was abruptly raised by the head of the KJA during a debate with the president the four media organizations had last month. The head of the KJA said the National Security Law cannot be enforced without violating freedom of the press and added abolishing it should be discussed in conjunction with the government��s plan to shut the press rooms at government ministries. Where journalists should have lambasted the government for attempting to limit public access to information,, one of their leaders ended up making ludicrous comments instead.

Today,, information on North Korea is readily available and anyone can go to North Korea to report by going through the proper procedures. The only types of reporting that are banned by the National Security Law are those that may ��benefit the enemy.�� The journalists�� proposal must have sounded sweet indeed to an administration bent on scrapping the National Security Law.

The debate last month between the president and those media organizations was simply a pep rally supporting the president��s skewed view of the news media. Representatives of some of the organizations uttered such feeble comments that even the president was prompted to joke that he must have invited the wrong people. The agreed collaboration between the government and groups that had no objections to government policies is simply pathetic.

The JAK is reportedly unable to reach a final decision on whether to collaborate with the GIA due to a barrage of protests from its members. This incident demonstrates the pathetic situation facing our news media,, which shares a hackneyed set of leftwing ideals with the government. The ridiculous pact to abolish the national Security Law is only the most absurd outcome.相关的主题文章：

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1 in a valley bottom found firmly hold together the 18 College students. At present 18 students body safe and sound, already in place in Mount Huangshan fire fighting retreat to rest, according to a preliminary understanding they are students of Fudan University.