Y4H: Opening Statements
From Create Your Own Story
DA: May it please the court, opposing counsel, accused, members of the jury. Today it is my sad duty to tell you about the ultimate party pooper.
What, you think, is there gonna be coprophilia too? Doc's furiously taking notes.
DA: You will hear overwhelming evidence that this man went to the house of a neighbor, a good neighbor, a friendly neighbor, Mrs. Ovia Scratcher, who was already to entertain guests with her husband. And this night, they invited three friends: Miss Whitley Chambers, Mister Phil Chital, and the accused -- she glares at you -- the ultimate party pooper! The others were just expecting good times, the way you've always had going over to your friends, ever since they were kids. They were going to have some fun with blindfolds, like pin the tail on the donkey! But this man, the ultimate party pooper, he had something else on his mind. He wasn't there for a party. He wasn't there for cookies and ice cream. He was there to steal! Her pride and joy, a classic movie from the seventies, a rarity that only exists on Betamax. Betamax, members of the jury! It was always her hope to get it transferred to digital, to share with the world - but when the night was over, it was gone.
Your lawyer tears off a page and keeps scribbling.
DA: Members of the jury, you will hear overwhelming evidence that this ultimate party pooper went to the Scratchers' house, and while everyone had on blindfolds to play party games, he infiltrated their lock box, and took out not only Mrs. Scratcher's prize possession, but some of her other personal possessions. He wished everyone goodnight and left, like nothing had happened. And when the Scratchers called the police and the FBI got involved, some of those very possessions were found in his apartment! But not her classic movie - that was gone. And when you've heard the evidence, I'm confident you will find the accused, the ultimate party pooper, GUILTY of all counts.
Doc staggers to his feet, holding the last page he's torn off from his notepad.
Doc: Uhhh, yeah, members of the jury. You're not gonna hear overwhelming evidence that UPP...uh, my client, went to their house looking to steal, and you're not gonna hear evidence that he inf...infracted their lock box, or took Mrs. S's pp...her prize possessions or her other pervert possessions or any other possessions, you're just not gonna hear it. And you're not gonna hear that some of those were found in his apartment or her movie was gone from there. It was never there.
He sits down. He stands up again. "Oh, and that means you're gonna find him not guilty." He sits down. He whispers to you - "If you think of stuff I need to ask during trial, just whisper it to me." You nod.
"State, call your first witness."
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