User talk:AgentVincent
From Create Your Own Story
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[[User:Anedwcan|Anedwcan]] 10:20, 4 February 2012 (UTC) | [[User:Anedwcan|Anedwcan]] 10:20, 4 February 2012 (UTC) | ||
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| + | == "without warning..." == | ||
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| + | You have added sudden gory elements to Rampage in at least two places, [[Flip Kaya over and give her ass the same treatment|here]] and [[Bite Rebecca's neck|here]]. (The first case being much more egregious than the second) | ||
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| + | Can I ask you to reconsider? | ||
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| + | Remember the reader identifies with the protagonist, the rampaging demon. It's the reader who should get to make any choices that happen in this story. It would be best to leave it to the reader whether he or she gets a turn on by the events you depict. | ||
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| + | In other words, don't ruin the demon's day, and especially not to get revenge on it abusing some hapless victim. Have you considered that you might be disrupting somebody else's power/rape fantasy when you suddenly cripple the protagonist like in these cases? | ||
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| + | Please consider avoiding any such sudden throwbacks on the part of the protagonist. At least in a story called "Rampage". | ||
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| + | At the very least, do not engage in edit wars with users who prefer a more straight-forward wish-fulfilling story. Remember why you would want to read Rampage in the first place - if there's a rape, it's because the reader wants it to happen. Then it isn't your thing to punish that choice. | ||
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| + | If you want to insert a choice where a ranger shoots off the dick of the rampage demon, let it be up to the reader to choose such a development. Don't spring it upon an unsuspecting reader - insert a CHOICE and go with your story from there! | ||
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| + | Regards, [[User:Anedwcan|Anedwcan]] 20:48, 20 May 2012 (UTC) | ||
Revision as of 20:48, 20 May 2012
Apology accepted. Now that I know you want to be the exclusive author, I'll wait until the day when [if?] you make it open to the public before adding more pages.
BTW, great story so far... kind of similar in tone to the story "Rescue"...
Contents |
Liking the style.
Hey. Just dropping in to say that I've looked through War Pigs and Danse Macabre and love what you did with the status bar. Very clever. --TheElderOnes 12:32, 26 July 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, I recognize Walter and Carol in Danse Macabre, Jack Black and Zooey Deschanel. --TheElderOnes 07:56, 29 July 2011 (UTC)
Deaths
Thank you for your contributions to my story. Even though you got me killed and zombified, it was still funny. --TyCampbell
I think so. I'm pretty sure that's a song, but I've never heard it.
Haha, that's genious. Also, I dug up Tarman. You'd think he'd at least thank me before devouring my brain. :(
Mind Reading?
I was trying to come up with an ending for all those demonic spirits -- I didn't like having them all in the same place like that -- but your ending beats what I had in mind. I started to write where a celestial army wiped them out but didn't like the way it was heading. I like your ending better. (In reference to Stay still and let Price have her way with you page) -- Teejay
Hey, you're back! I've thrown you a couple of hanging breaking balls in Rampage, creating some redlinks that are definitely yours to fill out. Hopefully this time you can read my mind! -- Teejay
Don't Be Discouraged!
I get writer's block at times too. Just don't think about it, maybe make a few contributions in a different story or just read everyone else's work for a day or two and don't try to write. Your creative juices will come back soon enough. I know sometimes the two us get our creative juices conflicted but I think the end product after we work it out has turned out fantastic so far. I really like your writing! -- Teejay
I Hope you feel slightly special!
Because your story War Pigs, it's the first story every to be reviewed in the review section! Please don't kill me about the few bad things I've said on your story. If you want, maybe you could make a review too? It's fine if you say no, but it would be nice if there was someone to help me start up the new section. Anyway, read the review here. Hope you enjoy! -- Heyoeveryone 4 October 2011
I'm so sorry about that XD. It was my first review and I still wasn't sure how I should set them up, but now that I've written a few more, I know what to do now. Good luck on finishing War Pigs! Though, I think you should work on William's story, as he is the main character and the whole reason the events happened. -- Heyoeveryone 5 October 2011
Maybe somehow get William to accidentally injure or kill one of Michael's friends when they first confront each other, which would cause Michael to go into a never ending rage against William. Then they would face off in an epic battle of sorts, where William is trying to calm him down and continuously saying sorry. I don't know, but maybe you could use that idea perhaps? --Heyoeveryone 8 October 2011
I am very interested! If you do post it up, make sure you don't write every single plot twist, I don't want to know everything and kill the fun for me. And thank you in advance. --Heyoeveryone 8 October 2011
Well I got William and Michaels bit mostly right, and the figure that arrives when Rebecca and Vincent are fighting, could it be Karen? As for the endings being named after songs, that's a very good concept, perhaps you should make an achievement idea of sorts when you get into those endings. Oh and were those songs made after 2000 or before? Since I can't seem to remember many songs before then. --Heyoeveryone 14 October 2011
Hmm.. That's a toughie. Karen should have the lowest chance of survival. As I think she is the weakest of all the characters. William and Michael should both have a 50/50 chance of dying. Since they both face off against each other in the end and the reader has the decision of either letting Michael or William die, or perhaps both? Make sure that Michael just go insane with rage, a good way to show this is to have him shoot a random civilian while going after William and he would not give a damn, not even to look back. If you can, make a second battle in say a closed in building or in an underground floor. Then you can have William choose to 'shut down the power'. I don't know the exact abilities William to do, so I'll let you take it from there.
As for Vincent and Rebecca, perhaps get Vincent to bring reinforcements against her, but Rebecca 'can' kill them all with some sort of epic weapon like a minigun. Then just when she finishes off the last guy, Vincent goes for a stab in the back with his Rapier. This can lead to Rebecca dying, but she can also dodge the shot and kick it off his hand. They then go into hand to hand combat. I don't know about how it should end.
Each character should each have a 'happy', 'average' and 'bad' ending.
Hey, do you mind if you have a read through of my story I've been working on for a while. It's called Remember, it's about a guy who's forgotten who he is, and has found himself locked inside a room. I'd just like some honest feedback and anything that I should fix up or perhaps add. --Heyoeveryone 17 October 2011
War Pigs...Toppling
I thought War Pigs had been on the featured for some time so I removed it. No hard feelings? In any case, the story was great although I kept finding redlinks, it was quite annoying, although I have a story like that. Well, actually that was to allow people to add on.I'm ironing out spelling mistakes in all the stories , alphabetically, but since yours is a W it'lll take a long time to get there. The Kitty in the Window will be a nightmare to edit in itself. *Shudder* Besides, your story won't be in FF after the Warning and all. Hope to see how the story turns out. If two more stories and three months pass it can go up again!:)
(I'm kind of new, so haven't actually completed anything yet. Close to finishing Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Added a weird twist.)
--Snowball 16:10, 22 October 2011 (UTC)
your contributions to Rampage
Just wondering what your aim is?
To take a specific example: Bite Rebecca's neck
Not complaining but it is kind of hard to contribute when I don't know what your goal is. It seems you are focusing on taking the story into places where "you" (the demon) encounters real resistance. I might be wrong. Anyway, a few pointers on where you are going with your story twists would be nice. Do you want the player to encounter real challenges and then overcome them, to make the rampage all the more sweeter, or are you more into death and defeat for the player?)
Anedwcan 10:20, 4 February 2012 (UTC)
"without warning..."
You have added sudden gory elements to Rampage in at least two places, here and here. (The first case being much more egregious than the second)
Can I ask you to reconsider?
Remember the reader identifies with the protagonist, the rampaging demon. It's the reader who should get to make any choices that happen in this story. It would be best to leave it to the reader whether he or she gets a turn on by the events you depict.
In other words, don't ruin the demon's day, and especially not to get revenge on it abusing some hapless victim. Have you considered that you might be disrupting somebody else's power/rape fantasy when you suddenly cripple the protagonist like in these cases?
Please consider avoiding any such sudden throwbacks on the part of the protagonist. At least in a story called "Rampage".
At the very least, do not engage in edit wars with users who prefer a more straight-forward wish-fulfilling story. Remember why you would want to read Rampage in the first place - if there's a rape, it's because the reader wants it to happen. Then it isn't your thing to punish that choice.
If you want to insert a choice where a ranger shoots off the dick of the rampage demon, let it be up to the reader to choose such a development. Don't spring it upon an unsuspecting reader - insert a CHOICE and go with your story from there!
Regards, Anedwcan 20:48, 20 May 2012 (UTC)
