User:Anedwcan/Nipples2

From Create Your Own Story

This regards the story by Stormbringer called Nikki "Nipples" Nicastro.

Here's my highly personal feedback on the story.

The setup is great, but it shows how early the story is in Storm's development. There's little of the "inner journey" in the girl that Storm later becomes a master of. Things basically happen to Nikki without that having much of an effect on her - she doesn't comment (much) on it, and/or try to change her behavior.

Furthermore, each "suitor" only appears once. If they were to recur, this would "force" Nikki to respond properly, which would make the story hotter.

Finally, this story would be perfect for a strong pregnancy risk theme.

In summary, the story doesn't really acknowledge the events of the story. Things mostly just happen, and never spoken of again. The story is still hot, but could be hotter.