Y4H: Cross-examine Beane
From Create Your Own Story
Okay, Doc, you genius, let's see you keep your flow unbroken.
Doc: So, Beane, what about that lock box?
Beane: It's in the playroom. We always keep it lcoked.
Doc: And where was the key to that one?
Beane: It was super-glued to one of our spurs.
Doc: Huh?
Beane: Yeah, we used to do some pony play, like she's put the saddle on me and dig in the spurs. But my back started hurting and those things are sharp, so we kinda cut it out, and we just keep 'em in the playroom for decor.
Doc: Why'd you super-glue the key to the spur?
Beane: It was pretty small and we kept losing it before. And that way she'd never be tempted to start using those spurs again.
Doc: So was the spur missing too?
Beane: You bet! That super glue is great stuff!
Doc: Okay...so what all was missing?
Beane: The little gold balls, the spur, the little key, and the beta tape.
Doc: And when you all took the blindfolds off, was anybody wearing anything?
Beane: Nope, we were all bare-bean-buck-naked.
Doc: And did you all go out at once?
Beane: Yep. Pretty much at once. No one stayed in there 'cause I locked the door after we were all out.
Doc: And people grabbed their clothes and went different ways?
Beane: Yeah.
Doc: So, was there any way anyone could've gotten that stuff out of the room at that time?
Beane: Nope.
(he pauses)
Beane: I mean, not unless somebody had it all stuck up his ass!
Doc: What do you mean?
Beane: Well, that's plain stupid! I mean, you'd have to have a pair of ben-wa balls stuck right up in your ass! And a spur with a key, and a beta tape too!
Doc: Aren't those beta tapes pretty small?
Beane: Yeah, I guess so. They're before my time. That one was small.
Doc: Small enough to grip between your buttocks?
Beane: Well, yeah, I guess so, but look! You'd have to have that damn spur stuck in their behind it, and it would cut you up!
Doc: But couldn't a real stoic person, like an Army ranger doing an endurance test or something, take that pain in a good cause?
Beane: Huh?
Doc: I mean liker a masochist or a...a...monk doing mortification of the flesh, or, you know, a real king of pain. Couldn't he stick the spur up in his ass and take the cuts to smuggle it out?
Beane: Yeah, I guess so, but if there's a order of monks that sticks spurs up their ass, the Catholic Church is in more trouble than we thought!
There is a great deal more of this discussion - now you envy Doc his ability to sleep through testimony. But finally it seems to be winding down.
Doc: Was anyone walking funny on the way out?
Beane: After what that gal did to me with the dildo? I was!
Doc: Anyone else?
Beane: Didn't notice.
This has been exhausting. But he looks at you and you whisper one last suggestion to him.
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