User:Anedwcan/Nipples2
From Create Your Own Story
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The setup is great, but it shows how early the story is in Storm's development. There's little of the "inner journey" in the girl that Storm later becomes a master of. Things basically happen to Nikki without that having much of an effect on her - she doesn't comment (much) on it, and/or try to change her behavior. | The setup is great, but it shows how early the story is in Storm's development. There's little of the "inner journey" in the girl that Storm later becomes a master of. Things basically happen to Nikki without that having much of an effect on her - she doesn't comment (much) on it, and/or try to change her behavior. | ||
| - | Furthermore, each "suitor" only appears once. If they were to recur, this would "force" Nikki to respond properly, which would make the story hotter. | + | Furthermore, each "suitor" only appears once. If they were to recur, this would "force" Nikki to respond properly, which would make the story hotter, and let it "escalate" not just at the end. (As written, the story almost reads as if its author stumbles across the interracial fetish by accident and is overwhelmed by it...!) |
| - | Finally, this story would be perfect for a strong pregnancy risk theme. | + | At the very start, Nikki is clearly embarrassed about her body and wants to get back at her surgeon. These themes are quickly forgotten about. |
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| + | Finally, this story would be perfect for a strong pregnancy risk theme. I LOVE it when the girl clearly wants to avoid risking a pregnancy, yet can't help herself... | ||
In summary, the story doesn't really acknowledge the events of the story. Things mostly just happen, and never spoken of again. The story is still hot, but could be hotter. | In summary, the story doesn't really acknowledge the events of the story. Things mostly just happen, and never spoken of again. The story is still hot, but could be hotter. | ||
| - | All in all, I feel all of this could be addressed by making the story into a CYOS story. ''(Again, had there been a CYOA site with simple Wiki pages like this one but with simple variable support that would have been GREAT. But since the choice is between quick and simple on one hand (this site) and cumbersome and complex (at least compared to wiki - twine, renpy etc all don't just add variables but a TRUCKLOAD of extra stuff I'm simply not interested in learning) and because we need a completely uncensored host, here we are...)'' | + | All in all, I feel all of this could be addressed by making the story into a CYOS story. ''(Again, had there been a CYOA site with simple Wiki pages like this one but with simple variable support that would have been GREAT. But since the choice is between quick and simple on one hand (this site) and cumbersome and complex (at least compared to wiki - twine, renpy etc all don't just add variables but a TRUCKLOAD of extra stuff I'm simply not interested in learning) and because we need a completely uncensored host, here we are...)'' So now I'm spitballing ideas for an extended story based on Storm's character. |
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| + | Story ideas: | ||
| + | # In this comic universe the pill isn't invented. When Nikki gets her initial pregnancy scare (from her lactating nipples), her husband instead assures her by saying he's sure he's always used a condom and that they have never broken. | ||
| + | # Nikki doesn't immediately become active in bed. Let her have an erotic dream that is why she straddles her husband. When she wakes up she's completely embarrassed, but her husband tries to calm her down. This ends in them having sex again, and since he's so excited he forgets to wear a condom. Of course his weak white seed doesn't impregnate her, but they can at least have a discussion about "wouldn't this be a good time to start our family". | ||
| + | # Nikki's protests against the paperboy is stronger, and she clearly says no. She still ends up with splooge on her chest, but is not nearly as desperate/corrupted (yet) to beg for a fuck. When the paper boy later returns to make good on his threat to make her his "steady piece" it's another matter. | ||
Revision as of 16:26, 12 December 2020
This regards the story by Stormbringer called Nikki "Nipples" Nicastro.
Here's my highly personal feedback on the story.
The setup is great, but it shows how early the story is in Storm's development. There's little of the "inner journey" in the girl that Storm later becomes a master of. Things basically happen to Nikki without that having much of an effect on her - she doesn't comment (much) on it, and/or try to change her behavior.
Furthermore, each "suitor" only appears once. If they were to recur, this would "force" Nikki to respond properly, which would make the story hotter, and let it "escalate" not just at the end. (As written, the story almost reads as if its author stumbles across the interracial fetish by accident and is overwhelmed by it...!)
At the very start, Nikki is clearly embarrassed about her body and wants to get back at her surgeon. These themes are quickly forgotten about.
Finally, this story would be perfect for a strong pregnancy risk theme. I LOVE it when the girl clearly wants to avoid risking a pregnancy, yet can't help herself...
In summary, the story doesn't really acknowledge the events of the story. Things mostly just happen, and never spoken of again. The story is still hot, but could be hotter.
All in all, I feel all of this could be addressed by making the story into a CYOS story. (Again, had there been a CYOA site with simple Wiki pages like this one but with simple variable support that would have been GREAT. But since the choice is between quick and simple on one hand (this site) and cumbersome and complex (at least compared to wiki - twine, renpy etc all don't just add variables but a TRUCKLOAD of extra stuff I'm simply not interested in learning) and because we need a completely uncensored host, here we are...) So now I'm spitballing ideas for an extended story based on Storm's character.
Story ideas:
- In this comic universe the pill isn't invented. When Nikki gets her initial pregnancy scare (from her lactating nipples), her husband instead assures her by saying he's sure he's always used a condom and that they have never broken.
- Nikki doesn't immediately become active in bed. Let her have an erotic dream that is why she straddles her husband. When she wakes up she's completely embarrassed, but her husband tries to calm her down. This ends in them having sex again, and since he's so excited he forgets to wear a condom. Of course his weak white seed doesn't impregnate her, but they can at least have a discussion about "wouldn't this be a good time to start our family".
- Nikki's protests against the paperboy is stronger, and she clearly says no. She still ends up with splooge on her chest, but is not nearly as desperate/corrupted (yet) to beg for a fuck. When the paper boy later returns to make good on his threat to make her his "steady piece" it's another matter.
