Metroid
From Crapedia
Metroid is a franchise created by a corpse. It is the first video game in history to fool people into thinking that the main hero was cyborg, till she stripped just for the player at hand. It is also the most awesome franchise Retro Studios made it become.
[edit] Story
Unlike Nintendo's other crocks, Metroid's story actually makes sense. Samus was a little girl whose home colony was destroyed by space pirates where she survived and landed on a bird planet where the birds actually did not bother to eat the bitch but believe some prophecy that she is to destroy some huge brain before it uses Metroids to conquer the universe. They train her (not in martial arts oddly enough) to use a bitchen suit with big guns. Then she went to zebes to kick the Pirates asses. And succeeds. Then she goes back to talon 4 and finds out Phazon is destroying the planet. She loses her powers and destroys the source only to have it morph into a clone. Then she goes to aether and has Heart Problems, but still fights on, now she loses her power ANOTHER FUCKING TIME! But this time, you have to get them from THIEVES! She kills them all and her clone (again) and goes away. The clone is still alive. I did not play MP3 but I can guess she loses her powers AGAIN and must kick her clone's ass....again. Then in Metroid 2, she doesn't HAVE her powers but since the metroid race was kicking her ass, she decides to wipe them all out. Course she does but she leaves a baby alive cause it thinks it's her mama. She keeps it as a pet but it gets kidnapped by Ridley and she has to go back to zebes and destroy the pirates....AGAIN, but then her pet grows FUCKING HUGE and tries to eat her but doesn't. How cute. She makes it to Mother brain who morphs more badass than ever before but gets totally pwned by the combined efforts of both Samus and the Super Metroid but it dies an un-emtional and Samus's original mission is finally complete. Only to find out the Metroids were actually NEEDED to keep the balance as the X-Parasites were free to terrorize. Smooth move dumbass. So she gets pwned by one of them and then gets injected with the metroid gene from her pet before it died. So now she goes back in but is now hunted by another damn clone of herself. She must however RUN AWAY from her (symbolic...hunter being hunted) which is bullshit cause samus kills the bitch anyway, but then it HELPS her regain her powers again to kill one of the easiest final bosses ever in the history of metroid games. Thats the story so far...
[edit] Gameplay
You go through the game Zelda style in 2D to find items, having more trouble figuring out what the fuck you're supposed to do because unlike Zelda, you have no hints or clues to figure anything out. 3D is FPS styled to attract the mainstream order but failed because the controls were actually good for once. Or it had something to do with Lock on. Because of that, Metroid Prime Hunters was made and was the shittiest Metroid title to date, but the Mainstream wasn't pleased cause it was for DS. That system has "Cuteness" written all over it. They dont liek cuteness.
[edit] Exposure
Because the generation got even more retarded during the 2k2 period, Samus is now seen as a symbol for sexuality, which is a shame because she was the only respectable chick in a video game besides Chun Li. We have DOA to thank for that, with their objectifications of women in video games making it a standard to transform every game chick into a sex object. Samus was not safe. She was now Nintendo's prime sex symbol because morons wouldn't leave her to be pure....if blowing up alien guts was purity. Course nintendo themselves might be partially to blame for putting her in a bikini (cause everyone knows, being half naked means she's a pure sex symbol automatically.)
Even worse, because her franchise got into FPS mojo, she has been compared to Master Cheif for god knows why. Many vs threads arise and even a pairing of the two in romantic situations. Haloid even turns her into a lesbian for a Halo character.
