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From Azuwiki
Miyama: In my own attempt to make you feel better, might I tell you about the laughs I've gotten from the Arduin Grimoire?
Auphamim: Sure.
Break Miyama: The Arduin Grimoire was a 1st Edition optional sourcebook that was well known for its random table, which inevitably thinned out characters thrrough rolls of 1s and 20s.
Break Miyama: Though there were 1st level randomly generated strengths and weaknesses (for example, my fighter rolled a result such that he knew ten languages at level 1, and other such incredibly powerful feats), it's most well-known for its critical hit and critical miss tables.
Break Miyama: And for some reason, the characters rolled a lot of 20s....when fighting each other.
Break Miyama: I kid not when I say that the in-party fighting all started with a fetus in a jar.
Auphamim: Nevermind.
Auphamim: Managed to solve it.
Auphamim: Somehow.
Break Miyama: Solve...?
Auphamim: Yeah. Imagine windows' theme becomes 3.11. Or something.
Auphamim: Creepy.
Break Miyama: ....
Break Miyama: *shudder*
Auphamim: Indeed.
Break Miyama: So, moving on...
Break Miyama: As part of the final portions of the battle, the party kensai was left blind and mute due to arrow related injuries.
Break Miyama: They got his voice box and eyes, all because of that critical hit table.
Break Miyama: In last-ditch effort, our blind kensai picked up a pebble and tossed it at the paladin holdig an orb of annihilation.
Break Miyama: ....care to guess what the die result was?
Auphamim: Death?
Break Miyama: Oh, it was so much sweeter. Natural 20.
Break Miyama: We rolled on the critical hit table...
Break Miyama: "Victim's heart explodes. Instant death."
Break Miyama: Due to a pebble.
Auphamim: ...XD.
Auphamim: What?
Break Miyama: Yes.
Break Miyama: A pebble made the paladin's heart explode.
Break Miyama: Even through full-plate.
Break Miyama: It was glorious.
Auphamim: Interesting how a pebble can do that.
Auphamim: Sounds like FATAL, though.
Break Miyama: As he fell, so did the orb of annihilation.
Break Miyama: The orb shattered, and proceeded to deconstruct the universe at a very rapid rate. XD
Auphamim: ...wha?
Break Miyama: The kensai was the only one left alive, and he was sucked into an alternate realm.
Break Miyama: The rest of us had to roll for new characters.
Auphamim: >_<;; That's ridiculous.
Break Miyama: It was here where I rolled up Miss Reilina Sylpheed, the monk girl with no stat less than 14. Three 18s.
Auphamim: ...I don't know if some god loved or hated you all.
Break Miyama: From then on, I decided if I rolled ungodly high stats, that I would play as Reilina.
Break Miyama: But that's a bit outside of the current tale.
Break Miyama: Further escapades resulted in that blind/mute kensai hitting on an old inkeeper in order to stay for free.
Break Miyama: ....you can guess how that turned out.
Break Miyama: "....dude, HOW the hell are you going to hit on her if you can't speak, or even see her?"
Break Miyama: In order to demonstrate, the player stood up, shook his hips slightly, and nodded in a most Elvis-like manner.
Break Miyama: ...the kensai slept in the stables that night.
Break Miyama: Fast forward, past fighting killer rabbits.
Break Miyama: My friend Tydraad rolled an 18 for Str, which, according to the tables in 1E, meant he could literally carry a ton without problem.
Break Miyama: My other character, a samurai, insulted Tydraad.
Break Miyama: Tydraad promptly stabbed him, and killed him in a single stroke.
Break Miyama: As punishment, the DM caused a portion of the cave ceiling to fall on Tydraad.
Break Miyama: "....how much does it weigh?"
Break Miyama: "About one ton."
Break Miyama: "...hey, no problem, I can technically carry that..."
Break Miyama: "Did I say one ton? I mean one hundred."
Break Miyama: And so Tydraad was dead.
Break Miyama: I quickly erased my samurai's character sheet and lent it to Tydraad, who used it because his previous one was rendered unreadable.
Break Miyama: Thus, he created a Templar character.
Break Miyama: ....shortly after, we were informed that the entire thing was a dream sequence, so reset back to before, but with all kept experience.
Break Miyama: ....
Break Miyama: ....it was tough explaining how my samurai turned into Tydraad's templar, as Tydraad would then still be alive...
Break Miyama: I'm dragging on.
Break Miyama: There's more to it, but I won't bore you with the details.
Auphamim: Go ahead.
Auphamim: Not bored, just listening.
Auphamim: Reading?
Break Miyama: And then came the iconic "and/or", as mygaming group refers to it to this day.
Break Miyama: It's an entry on that critical hit table that reads "Breasts and/or genitals ripped off from the attack - shock for 1-8 rounds, followed by death."
Auphamim: ...XD
Break Miyama: ....we landed the and/or on a giant slug.....
Break Miyama: I don't know how.
Break Miyama: I don't know why.
Break Miyama: But we did.
Break Miyama: Thinking back to the pebble incident, one could land the and/or with a small rock, or, dare I say it, one's bare hands. ><
Auphamim: >_>... Interesting.
Auphamim: I'll think more widely when DM'ing now on.
Break Miyama: I wished I had scanned the Arduin Grimoire.
Break Miyama: It's pure comedic gold.
Break Miyama: And that's about it for my tale.
Auphamim: Interesting.
Break Miyama: To think I was introduced to D&D through THAT mess.
