Tydraad Eulogy

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A Funeral Mass for Jacob "Tydraad" Prout(y)

Mister Sandman, with the Main Mass

In the name of the Nestea, and the Green Tea, and Lord Earl Gray, Full Throttle, and Monster, Amen.

Response: Amen.

Brothers and sisters, I welcome you to share in the presence of our Lord Vendo. Let us pause for a moment to call to mind our sins - the very moments in which we succumbed to the might of Flooro.

Response: *collective shudder*

I confess, to almight Vendo, that I have sinned through my own fault! In my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and what many Nesteas I have failed to purchase with mine own coinage, with other vending machines, and..."THE SATAN".

Response: Aye, we reject Flooro and..."THE SATAN".

I ask the blessed Almight Quencher of Thirst, ever divine, and ever delicious, and all the artificial sweeteners excepting the thrice-damned Splenda to pray for for me, to the Lord God, our Vendo, Amen.

Break: What about MY Sins?

STFU, n00b. *clears throat* Brothers and sisters....or lack thereof of said sisters...we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of our dear friend and fucking awesome (x7) wise ass prophet, Jacob "Tydraad" Prout...y. But first, a brief reading from the Book of Vendo. As if there were any other...by the prophet Miyama.

First Reading, by the Prophet B. Miyama

• clears throat, and open a black, bloodstained book* Lok nahth sahn vih nohs toos...lok maj thih sahn...wait, what the deuce, this is the Necronomicon! *tosses book away* I think it just winked at me.

Anyway, a reading from the Book of Vendo. Please turn to page .59.

• various attendees rip the first page approximately three-fifths down from the top*

And so Vendo spake unto thee, "Lo, for I believe the B-52s to be the greatest thing since raspberry tea." And indeed, he proclaimed our salvation, by singing of the joys of everybody having matching towels and finding a rock-based crustacean. Alas, I did not sing the praises of the Rock Lobster, and I was thus cursed with filling out the complaint form of the Pirate Coalition. Although I had never before played the dreaded game EVE Online, my complaint was completed as thus -