A Lesson In Chaos
From Azuwiki
The Very First Space RP - A Lesson in Chaos - Various Selections, Quotations, and Analyses by B. Miyama, K. Tydraad and T. Sandman
Introduction
RPer Analysis
Written by: The Sandman
(in alphabetical order)
Break - The one who was the most serious about the RP, his posts were a careful balance between humor and drama.
Flamuck - A different kind of character, Flamuck played the anachronistic cultist in the RP. He occasionally provided comedic relief.
Grimlock - The one who posted the least in the RP, Grim brought a few Halo references and some broken continuity. He usually had short posts, and overall did not contribute much to the story.
Tydraad - In my opinion the funniest RPer, Tydraad kept the RP funny, simple as that. He was also (probably) the best writer.
Zero - The reason I'm writing this. Zero's posts and character were extremely unbalanced and filled with more overrated anime references than I thought were possible. On the whole, his posts were the best examples of poor writing, utter lack of originality, and were generally an offense to every decent human literary aesthetic.
In Teh Beginning...
Narrator: In AD 2006 great war was beginning.
Sandman: What happen?
Break: Someone set us up the bad literary technique. We get signal !
Sandman: What !
Break: Main monitor turn on !
(Break turns on monitor.)
Sandman: It's you !!
Zero: How are you gentlemen !! All your RP are belong to us. You are on the way to mind FAQ.
Break: What you say !!
Zero: You have no chance to survive make your Rei. Ha Ha Ha Ha ..!
Sandman: Fire every spell checker! (To Break) You know what you doing. Go good RPers... for great justice ! (Cue the Captain Planet theme song.)
---
Sandman: Okay, that's enough fooling around. For those of you who don't know, my name is The Sandman. Or, if you don't want to call me that, you may call me The Sandman. Or, if you prefer, The Sandman is also an acceptable thing to call me.
Break: Thanks for stealing my intro, you 'tard. Hello, I'm Break, subbing in for Mr. Lack of Originality.
Sandman: Thank you for also rudely interrupting me. To start this off, let me first give you the history of why this RP was started in the first place. It all started when Tydraad decided to record Captain's Logs on his PDA ranging from jabs at aliens to stealing Break's Chinese food. Moritsune decided to grab a drink at the time and read that the lemon-lime drink was "Now Potable." In fact, it actually read "Portable," but this is still funny anyway. This would account for the oft-used references and jokes about potable water and edible food in the RP.
In case you did not know, both Break and Tydraad's characters were insane during this first portion of the RP. Back then, the RP was of a much less serious nature, with semi-disturbing concepts and some broken continutity.
And of course, Katana Porn....
Break: Which, I might add, was not my idea...
Sandman: Tydraad and I liked to make the joke that Break was not interested in women because he listed katanas above women in list comparing his favorites. Heh.
Break: Of course, you bastards read too far into that...
Sandman: Overall, though, the beginning was a great time, as it was reallly just Break and Tydraad playing off of each other's absurdist humor. Tydraad favored a megalomanical-captain type, complete with dry wit and an infinite aura of omnipotent sexy. Break's character started out as a parody of the all-powerful silent warrior with a calm streak as long as his sword (except that he was actually a good RPer), able to perform such feats of magic such as blowing up the ship, surviving in the vacuum of space, and playing Jesus by generating pasta out of nowhere.
Break: Example time!
As I searched through the archives, I can across an interesting folder - it was titled "XXXSEXHARDCOREPORNHENTAISTUFF". I assumed that it was unimportant, so I promptly deleted it. A bit more space for these recordings sure doesn't hurt. - Break
Break: And another!
The creature appears to have grown more unstable, and its gender and sexual orientation questionable. Recently it found and elminated another folder of my por-er-portable...important...document...things...vital...Following the incedent, it then replaced the folder with some...disturbing lewd images of swords, and renamed the folder "Katana Uncensored! Swords in more Orificies than you Knew Existed! Now with previews from Naughty Knives Four! Dungeon Edition!"
...
I've taken to not moving in hopes that this abomination will lack the mental capability to remember my presence if I remain inactive...plan "Naked Woman Shield" will have to be reworked following mine and the ladies dislike of nearing his...martial weapon pornography. -Tydraad
Sandman: Tydraad also made several jokes about Break in his insanity. Here -
[Break is] obviously a small demon-monkey. I have named it "hobyah," after the last demon monkey I killed with my barehands and a plantoon of anti-tank personel... Perhaps these hobyahs are some failed inferior genetic offshoot of humanity. This one could perhaps be the last of its kind. Sadly, for the benefit of science we're going to have to beat it with sticks until it stops moving to determine if it is immortal. -Tydraad
Sandman: Even we don't know how "hoybah" is pronounced. Heh, yeah. So, this flying circus of humor (with apologies to Sir Python) lasted from July 19, 2006 10:56 PM to July 23, 2006 1:00 PM.
Break: Isn't that...?
Sandman: No. *shudders* Then it came. July 23, 2006 1:40 PM. Zero Hour....
Zero Hour
Break: It was but a sunny afternoon that day in Southern California, with me simply sitting back on my bed, sipping a nice cold Jones Soda (black cherry, if you must know), browsing the AC-FAQ-turned-decent-RP, with some gameplay videos of DMC 3...
Sandman: Yes, yes, we get it. You're easily distracted. Now explain, damn you.
Break: Oh, hell, fine. The RP had taken a serious turn a short while before, which I didn't necessarily mind as long as some wisp of humor stayed intact.
And then I read that very first post from Zero (then 'matrixdude', and slightly later, 'matrixdude is dead' due to a bout of annoyance I had with the fellow).
(Eat my parenthetical writing, beeyotch.)
Oh, right, the RP. Yeah, I read his post. I could not exactly explain the feeling that came over me as I read that first sentence -
You'd be suprised what cloaking technology can do these days, I mean it started as nobody can see you, but now it makes you immune to all damage! - Zero
It was a mix of horror, disgust, a slight bit of shame, and repulsion. Sort of like the feeling you get when talking to Tydraad in person, but whatever.
My brain proceeded to vomit when I continued reading -
Supid idiots... - need I say who said this? *sigh* Herr Zero.
At that point, my brain had performed the neurological equivalent of cardiac arrest. Synapses fizzled. Brain cells froze where they were, dying of the sheer cold that this new level of n00bosity brought forth.
A storm had come, and it smelled of garlic and overcooked wasabi dishes. The irony of his little typoed fragment hit me like a brick.
I just knew that when he said he was immune to all damage, that my fun was going to be brought to a pitiful, Tifa-less end. The repetition, the horrible anime references, the overuse of the capslock key, the absolute butchery resulting in a one-sided battle without honor or humanity!
Sandman: ....how dare you place the name of that song....that glorious, beautiful music....in this defiled....
Break: *interrupting*....yeah, yeah, and my mother's a whore, I got it, I got it. I found it to be a fruitless endeavor to count exactly how many blatantly ripped-off references to games and anime were carelessly sticthed onto his post, but I gave up shortly after the count had reached three thousand, seven hundred and forty-two.
Sandman:Well, trampling over whatever Break was saying, I think I should offer my input here. When Break and Tydraad showed me the RP one afternoon one glorious September shortly after Break's birthday in the CSUDH library, I read Zero's first post with a mixture of both abject rage and GW Bush level disbelief.
Break: Ouch.
Sandman: Yea, it was that bad.
OH GOD, WHAT IS HE HOLDING??!! It can't be, the most horrifying thing I've seen in my life, its "XXXSEXHARDCOREPORNHENTAISTUFF"!!!! MUST DESTROY NOW!!!!! -Zero.
Sandman: I believe I speak for all good RPs when I say that there are only so many time a joke is funny. Tydraad and Break played the porn jokes out, and they had a great run. Zero's was just two too many.
Break: Yea, verily.
Sandman: Quite. I'll put it to you this way: if Break experienced the neurological equivalent of a heart attack, then I had a real one when I finished reading the post.
Good thing I upgraded the main cannons to dual-wakazashi class before leaving space-dock, even though its illegal and a stolen prototype. -Zero
Break: Oh, of course you're always prepared, you bastard...
Sandman: Break's rage against the n00b aside, he does have a point. No matter what the situation, no matter how grave the battle or great the distance or discrepancy in technology, Zero always knew and had everything. He made himself omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. Even when it came to battling the Federation's invincible weapon.
Break: By the way, if you're a stickler for spoilers, don't read that last sentence.
Sandman: Quiet, you. Unfortunately, Zero never got better at RPing. He only got worse...
Break: You have no idea how much I had to pay the fat lady to sing overtime...
Tydraad Signs On, the Death of the Captain's Log
Sandman: I think that now would be a good time to take a small break (excuse the pun) from the Zero bashing for a bit to start talking about the RP again.
Break: This isn't bashing! This is JUSTICE!!
Sandman: Don't worry. We'll get back to that soon enough. Right now I want to talk about how you and Tydraad changed the RP format. You remember that, right? When you and Tydraad hit the last coffin nail into the coffin of the Captains' Log format?
Break: Of course I do. It was a very nice change of pace until....
Sandman: Wait! Save your anti-Zero comments for later!
Break: Must.....not...beat.....dead...horse....
Sandman: Go away for a bit. Go have a Sobe or something. I have prose to write. Come back when you have something to contribute to the discussion.
Break: Yes, Mother. *proceeds towards the vending machines*
Sandman: *sighs* Finally. Anyway, Break was on the mark when he said that the change from the Captain's Log to a live RP format was welcome change of pace. Although the Captain's Log would occasionally make a return here and there, it never really returned. Once again, though, Zero took this too far and continued to use the Captain's Log for the majority of his posts in the RP.
Sandman:
Of Bad Plot Twists, Overrated Anime References, the Beginning of the End, and Other Such References Not Worth Mentioning at the Moment
Break: *walking in with a bottle of Sobe* Much better. And from there, things went downhill...
"Actually, as you already know my orginization apparently, and if you really knew about us, you won't touch us."
"Don't be stupid. I know that your organization doesn't even have the tech to take on Veinslay, much less the Federation..."
"We are in contact with the Federation directly on an all time comm frequency, the moment it goes out, the come searching for us. The Federation has a use for us too."
"Why would the Feds care about you at all?"
"Because, since nobody really gives a shit about what we do, we can go through space freely, not even space pirates go for us. Therefore, we make quite good informers, our deaths go unnoticed by everyone, but to them, our deaths mean that something has gone wrong and some sort of mavericks are rising." - Zero
Break: W-w-abuh?! He just said that "no one gives a shit about what we do", reaffirming that the Federation should not care about then AT ALL. Yet the instant Veinslay opens fire, the Federation comes to save the day. So much fucking nonsense.
Sandman: Hold on, Break. I can translate some dialects of n00b.
"Actually, as you already know my orginization apparently, and if you really knew about us, you won't touch us." - Zero
Sandman: Oh yes! Of course! You're hiding something again, aren't you Cloud? So you just play the part of the fool and laughingstock to go unnoticed, but if we really knew about you, we'd never be able to stand up to you. Here's a literary lesson for you: flawed characters are interesting, stop role-playing God, and stop using a Brooding-All-Powerful-Guy-With-A-Secret character archetype. Asshat.
"Don't be stupid. I know that your organization doesn't even have the tech to take on Veinslay, much less the Federation..."
"We are in contact with the Federation directly on an all time comm frequency, the moment it goes out, the come searching for us. The Federation has a use for us too."
Sandman: Oh, I get it! If one of your precious ships is shot down, your semi-important and poorly defined contact to the Feds will save you!
"Because, since nobody really gives a shit about what we do, we can go through space freely, not even space pirates go for us. Therefore, we make quite good informers, our deaths go unnoticed by everyone, but to them, our deaths mean that something has gone wrong and some sort of mavericks are rising." - Zero
Sandman: I had to read this post about three times to glean any sort of meaning from the comma spliced ridden run-on. As best I can gather, if the Feds notice that his signal goes out, they'll come a-runnin' to protect what ever vaguely define interests they might have him investigating.
Break: But he just said that non on gives a shit about what they do!
Sandman: Um, yeah. in case you all haven't noticed, Zero tens to self-contridict from time to time.
Break: Of course, he's a Mary-Sue character. He's always the exception to everything...
The Great Leap Forward
Break: Desperate times called for even more desperate measures.
I flipped. Overreacted. Cooked like a well-done steak. In my rage, I did something I never thought I'd have to do...
Sandman: Here we go again... *fingers into ears*
Break: I was forced to upgrade my own RP-version of the fleet in order to keep up with Zero. For the record, we're talking about the guy who somehow had contacts with the Federation but intentionally remained vague about it. Oh, and he went from nuclear-based weaponry to something much greater - stuff that, to this day, I have no clue as to what they are. I mean, even the definition of his own team, Kougenjin (in itself a ripoff of a MegaMan Battle Network game that never made it stateside) shows that this idiot has no concept of reality...
I will break down his definition as I see fit.
Kougenjin - An organization that have been known to be the "laughing stock of the galaxy". - Zero
Break: Damn right, you are.
Current amount of ships unknown and growing little by little, even as you are reading this. - Zero.
Break: Translation - I can have as many ships as I want, anywhere I want, however powerful and well-equipped I want. And ooh, they're growing even as I'm fucking reading this! Dear me, they must have taken over the intarbuttz by now!
While trying not associating themselves with any organization or group; actually has ties to the Federation High Council, as informers of the outer rim and most neutral zones. - Zero
Break: You've got to be fucking kidding me. The only connection he ever made within the text of the RP itself is that he's important, but the Federation doesn't care if they lose him (as previously mentioned).
They are currently led by an enigma named "Zero"... - Zero
Break: Aaaaaaaaarrrrrggghhhhhhhh. Broody, emo kid, the lowest common denominator of all RPers. And I assume his nickname's Cloud Strife?
....and had a homebase and complete control of the Sol system... - Zero
Break: Taking over the Milky Way's not cool, dude.
....and have fled the Argui system after releasing the "Reaper". While they are a bit behind Veinslay's technology.... - Zero
Break: Full stop right there. You're pulling technological advances out of your ass, spanning generations and entire freaking MILLENIA. You went from a single ship to having everything in literally a single post!
...they are catching up bit by bit. Their ships include Archangel, Minerva, Absolution, Evangelion, and other class ships that are currently being upgraded; not much is known about the flagship Tatsumasa, and is constantly under upgrades. Recently released a monster from it's prison in the Warp using experimental weapons... -Zero
Break: Oh, for fuck's sake, I can't go on anymore.
Sandman; *removes fingers* Okay? Feel better now?
Break: My rage at Zero is eternal.
Sandman: Yes, thank you Mr. I-Obviously-Need-Psychotherapy.
Break: Please, psychiatric help.
Sandman: Quite. Umm, it seems that Break made all the major points against Zero during this part of the RP.
Break: Actually, I've covered little about the events of this portion of the RP itself.
Sandman: Oh. Okay then. This part of the RP started from about the time Tydraad finished his raid on the battlecruisers/battleships (it kept changing during the RP because no one really knew about them at the time) to about the time Feds unveiled their superweapon.
---
Break: Shortly after the upgrade specifications were made public, discussion about the RP started in another thread. I prayed to whatever deity that lay above, but alas, my luck ran out as I red Zero's commentary.
Well, in this RP, some people decided to have weaponry "50 times as powerful as the feds" and stuff that "only 99% of the fed's fleet doesn't have". Others of us decided to take other approaches.
Break: I was left speechless. And somewhat hungry. After promptly returning with a teriyaki chicken plate, I contemplated just what he was saying. He was saying that he was a better RPer than I was, that I was the one going too far. And he interpreted two statements of mine incorrectly in his incredible run-on.
For the record, here is what I said...
... banned in 99% of systems due to its power... - Break
...fifty times the Federation standard quite safely... - Break.
Break: As for the requisite definition -
Federation standard - Used in reference to the energy output cap the Federation has put on their weaponry in order to avoid tearing apart the seams of space-time, and the universe itself. The Federation has admitted to having neither the technology nor the brainpower to be able to safely pass the standard, and so have prohibited their RnD system from taking any risks in that respect. Those outside of the Federation most likely have the technology to surpass the Federation standard quite safely, however, as they are not bound by the Federation's rules. Because of this, outsiders are likely to express the output of their weaponry in terms of the Federation standard (i.e., the Mar Sara's Phoenix creation cannons are three times the Federation standard). This standard was recently done away with due to the discovery of anti-Federation organizations roaming through Federation space. - Source: Space RP Info Azuwiki page
Break: So he thought I was getting 50 times more powerful than the Feds, when I really was getting more powerful than the Feds' top-tier weapon at the time of the standard - a heavy railgun. NEXT.
