Vendo

From Azuwiki

Vendo is the God of Vending Machines, the almighty Quencher of Thirst. His mighty avatar is a giant bottle of Nestea that can shoot Nestea with enough pressure to decapitate mortals. He first showed himself to his Chosen Disciples on May 25th, 2006, the day of CAMS Intermediate Drama's rendition of The Sound Of Music. On that fateful day, Jacob "J-Man" Prouty (a.k.a. "Tydraad") and Mike "Break" Wandrey stopped at what seemed to be an ordinary vending machine near the HFA on the campus of CSUDH. Jacob purchased one bottle of Nestea from the vending machine, and received it. Upon receival of the drink, he proclaimed thus: "Ahhh, liquid sex." Soon, a second bottle of Nestea, the Holy Nectar of the Gods, was bestowed upon him, and a third. He fell to his knees before the vending machine, now known to be a physical manifestation of the almighty Vendo, and exclaimed, "YOU ARE A GOD! TELL ME THY BIDDING!!" He received it, as did Mike, and it was: "Go and spread my faith among the chosen people, and worship me!" Jacob maintains that Vendo also requires human sacrifice, weekly, in the form of midgets (only they can fit through the slot). Since that fateful day, they have spread the Word and the Faith of Vendo, and received bountiful blessings from His manifestations as holy vending machines. Jacob and Mike have since succumbed to the evils of Flooro, God of Comfortable Floors, but have still done their best to maintain the faith. Brian "Flamuck" Pait is also a Chosen Disciple of Vendo, and is dedicated to spreading the Word and Faith through any means available to him, including AsuWiki. Thus, this entry was created.

Another version: "The Great Prophet Prout...y stood thusly before the machine of beverage dispensation, and placed thrrree coins in the slot. He did not place two coins in the slot, or any amount less than two, except on his way to three, and he did not place four coins in the slot. Nor did he place five coins in the slot, and by no means did he place as many as eleven in the slot. He then prrressed the large oblong button with the image of the Sacred Nectar of Vendo, Nestea, upon it, and a bottle of this great and renowned beverage was given. He would have left, but a force caused him to tarry, and he beheld a grrreat rrrumbling, as if the heavens below him had eaten a giant bowl full of home-made chili, and yet another bottle of the Holy Nectar Nestea came forth from the machine. Thus it was made known unto Prout...y the Prophet the existence of the great god Vendo, purveyor of beverages, and that he, and he alone, had received His great blessing. He then journeyed forth across the lands, and spread the Great Word of the Almighty Vendo, and extolled upon the Great Evils