Linis Astald
From Ahspedia
Full Name: Linis Buttmuffins Astald
Age: 20, appears 6.
Birthday: 07.28.1986
Race: Argonian
School: Both Greentoe's School of Inappropriate touching and AHS (Believed to be an abbreviation for amazing hentai sanctuary)
Grade: Graduated AHS, Headmaster of Greentoe's School of Inappropriate touching.
Contents |
Appearance/Clothing
Hair Color: bob
Eye Color: pink like my ponies mane
Stands: 2'11"
Weight: 999.1 lbs
Unique Markings: Three scars on his back in the shape of a waffle iron
These scars came from the beatings he received as a child when made into actual eatable breakfast food (which tastes sort of like stale Doritos) by his grandmother.
General Appearance
He looks pretty much stoopidz.
Personality
To say Linis has a personality is to say that his player has a functioning brain: it's just not true.
Hobbies
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP
Strengths
He's really good at eating Cheeto's without getting the powder on his fingers. Long hours of practice gorging on snacks paid off rather well in this regard. He also knows his way around vending machines, and can repair one on the spot in mere moments.
Weaknesses
Anything that might suggest that he's not TEH ROXORZ TO TEH XTREMEZORZ!!
Special Powers/Weapons
Main Power: Sword of Greater Stankitude
This appears to be a small block of balsa wood carved into the shape of a dagger; however, one should not judge a movie by it's box art. This weapon of pure despair is forged in the depths of his dirty clothes pile, where the horrid stench of his stagnant odor sears away any wood that does not possess the utter darkness that permeates his being. In short, it's a dinky little pigsticker that smells of rancid meat and spoiled milk.
Penthouse Playmate
Linis is under the very false and disturbing delusion that he is attractive, and will therefore pose at random times as if for a two page spread. This causes anyone nearby to melt in sheer agony of witnessing his HAIRY NIPPLES!
Doodoo butter
Linis possesses pails upon pails of doodoo butter, which he likes to splash people with. Some say it turns him on. Others say he delights in the pain of others. I personally think he really likes doodoo butter.
Allergy to shirts
Both character and player seem to repel shirts. I believe this is caused by the pungent B.O that eminates from the core of his cold, wretched heart.
SUPER AWESOME POWAAAAH
((SUPER HIGH POWER)) Break wind. Linis curls into the fetal position and lets loose a raging maelstrom of intestinal fury. The morbid odor flays skin from bone and melts even the sturdiest metals in a matter of seconds. This is only possible through his horrid diet of snack foods, refried beans, and broccoli paste mixed together into a goulash of hate.
The Club
Ever heard of Goatse? Ever wondered how it would look with an infomercial tie in? Yeah, think about that.
The Sword of a Thousand Screaming Babies
Status: Location Unknown.
The Ring of DARKEST PITCH DARK DARKNESS
Status: Linis currently holds it.
The most brutal and detestable piece of jewelry that has ever cursed the realm of man in the history of the world. During the darkest, pitch black hours of the night, on a full moon during Friday the 13th, it sneaks out and takes advantage of inebriated women and little girls who don't know not to take candy from floating rings that emit the PESTILENCE OF A THOOOOUSAND DEEEMONS!
History Before AHS/ASA
He fell on trangular shaped head...
IT BROKE KTHX
History After Arriving At AHS/ASA
TEXT
Relationships
Mortal Enemy
Bathing.
Hates
Things that are not filled with refried beans or processed cheese.
Dislikes
People
Friends
TEXT
Good Friends
Dr. FrankenBlackenFurterstein
Loves
Cheeto's, Twinkies, refried beans, and the smell of his own gas.
Dating
Linis' Mommy(Current location: Unknown) 11/13/02 Started dating
