Mission 234: The Sword of Death

From Accct Wiki

“Bowser runs too frickin’ slow.”

Roy slung his sweatpants and sweatshirt over his left forearm and glanced back at his colleagues, smirking at each of them as they stared in confusion. “What?” he asked, chortling to himself afterwards. “Haven’t you ever seen an opulent redhead in his boxers with a roll of gauze draped around his hand?”

Marth winced in disgust as he eyed his colleague. “No, and I hope to never see it again.”

Link twitched slightly and then began to stare in a separate direction, displaying a grave frown upon his sickened expression. Roy ground his teeth and tossed his exercising clothes over his shoulder and glanced at the garments once they had descended upon the floor into a haphazard resting location. “You guys are just jealous,” he spat smugly as he folded his bare arms. “It takes mad skills.”

“Mad skills to fit into those tiny boxers, or mad skills to be able to make someone else vomit?” Marth questioned, fidgeting as he restrained himself from staring at Roy. “Because, right about now, you’re doing both, and it’s making me sick.” He hesitated as he nearly retched, and then added, “Put some pants on.”

“I’ll put pants on when I feel like it,” Roy retorted, “which is to say, screw you!”

Marth’s expression cringed in a combination of disgust and frustration. “That’s alright,” he responded as he forced a smirk, “you don’t have to listen to me. Just run around in your underpants all day. Then, Link and I can make bets on how long it’ll take you to get fired.”

Link glanced up at Marth and perked up his eyebrows to accompany his forming grin. “Really?” he asked. “I’ve never made a bet before, except for the times I bet on the dog shows with Roy.”

“Yeah, I think you mentioned that before,” Marth replied, nonchalantly enforcing his grin. “Although, I’m sure no one really cares.”

Roy hurriedly spun on one foot to face Marth and then extended his right arm at the swordsman to point furiously. “I care!” he shouted in irritation. “You just can’t tell because of my man-ish lack of emotion.”

“You do realize that you’re showing emotion by yelling at me in such an angry manner, don’t you?” Marth questioned, cocking an eyebrow in confidence.

Roy hesitated, and his arm gradually descended to his side. “I don’t know,” he responded, shrugging his shoulders. He remained silent for a moment and shuddered, and then ordered, “It’s drafty in here. Toss me my pants, Marth.”

“With pleasure,” Marth replied, breathing a sigh of relief as he rose from his seated position on the folding chair behind Roy’s desk and proceeded to his closet, where he slid one of the doors past the other and scoured through the assorted racks of clothing. He halted on Roy’s suit ensemble and retracted its hanger from the closet, removed the jacket and complementing slacks to sling them over his free arm, and then placed the hanger into its designated location in the closet. He slid the door to a close and then turned around to take several steps towards Roy, extending his occupied arms as an offer to accept the garments. “Here you go;” Marth said, halting some inches in front of his colleague, “now you can put your clothes on and prevent me from vomiting so violently.”

“Thank you, Mr. Jerkwad,” Roy snootily responded as he snatched his suit from Marth’s grasp. He gripped the garments within his clenched fist and then smirked deviously as he stated, “Although, I suspect you rather enjoyed this whole little escapade.”

Marth grimaced and glanced swiftly in a different direction. “Put your pants on,” he repeated as he headed towards Link, who was seated upon the nearby counter adjacent to the stereo. Roy muttered random phrases of profanity as he struggled to unfold the suit slacks with one hand. Link watched with increasing interest as Roy continued to wrestle with the suit, while Marth continued to shift his attention between the panels of the ceiling.

“A little help here would be nice,” Roy commented, sneering at Link. The elf was taken aback and hesitated before he opened his mouth to speak, but Roy interrupted, “Marth, help me!”

Marth instantaneously transferred his focus to his colleague as he sputtered, “No way! You can do that by yourself!”

Roy had managed to get one leg halfway through one of the slacks’ appendages by the time Marth finished the protest. “Marth, you idiot!” Roy shouted, restraining a furious grasp upon the belt loops as he strained to pull the slacks up. “Don’t you get it, yet? You have to listen to me, since I’m your boss!” He hesitated to elevate his other leg and attempt to force it through the remaining appendage of the slacks, whimpered slightly as the pain in his injured hand halted his frustrated tugging, and continued, “Get over here and help me, or else I’m going to… do something…”

Marth remained hesitant and glanced in concern at Link, who simply shrugged and formed a peculiar gesture with his hand. “I’m not going to help you,” Marth declared, frowning as he stared past Link towards the door.

“Why? Are you insecure?” Roy questioned mockingly. “Just help me get the pants up! I can do the rest, Mr. Pervert.”

“Roy, I’m not going to do it-”

“Yes, you are,” Roy protested feverishly, “or else I’m going to take Bowser’s salad and jam it down your throat!”

Marth sighed and mumbled, “Like that would be the first time.”

Roy pointed a threatening finger at Marth and menaced, “Help me!” Marth choked out a whimpering noise and then cautiously forced his quivering hands towards the waistline of Roy’s slacks. Roy bit his lip and narrowed his eyes at Marth, muttering, “We won’t have to speak of this ever again, just to let you know… although, I rather suspect you’ll be bragging about it by tomorrow.”

“You’re not helping,” Marth sneered as he grasped Roy’s slacks by the belt loops and slowly edged them upwards.

Link’s eyes grew wide as he regretfully witnessed the disturbing sight. “You’re going too slow,” he heard Roy sputter angrily. “We don’t have all day!” Link tilted his head to the side as he watched Marth attempt to tug on the slacks.

“Don’t do that!” Roy yelled, clasping his unharmed hand over Marth’s forearm. “You’ll hurt my children!”

“You’re not leaving me many options!” Marth retorted as he tugged the belt loops towards himself. “First I’m not going fast enough, and then I’m doing it wrong.” He forced the slacks upwards slightly, until Roy threw a vigorous hand around Marth’s neck while shouting incomprehensively.

Link glanced away and gasped when he noticed Zelda standing in the hallway outside of the open doorway. Immediately he leapt off of the counter and took a few careful steps towards her, holding his hands out slightly in reassurance. “Zelda, this isn’t what it looks like,” he stated, smiling nervously as he glanced once at his struggling colleagues.

Marth trembled and then stepped backwards away from Roy’s weakened strangle hold when he noticed Zelda. His outstretched hands collapsed to his sides and he nervously bit his lip to accompany his apprehensive expression. Roy stared in confusion as he grasped his slacks by the belt loops and then lifted them, buttoning them and pulling up the zipper afterwards. “What’s your problem?” Roy questioned as he eyed Marth in uncertainty. “Are you finally done? You weren’t as helpful as I thought you’d be.” Marth finally shifted his attention to Roy and then scowled as he gestured towards the bewildered Zelda. Roy hesitated and then turned around to witness the eavesdropper. “Zelda?” he asked. “How long have you been there?”

Zelda paused and shifted glances between the three swordsmen before she answered, “I was walking by around the time you said something like-” She halted in her sentence when Roy proceeded towards her and then slammed the door to an abrupt close.

Link allowed himself a moment to blink and then glared at Roy with a peculiar expression. “Why did you do that?” he asked, extending his arms outwards from his sides.

“You need to call to make an appointment!” Roy shouted through the door. He then turned around and leant his bare back against the door. “Man,” he began, rolling his eyes as he jammed his hands into his pockets, “how many times do I have to tell people that?”

“That was the second time,” Link replied as his arms descended to his sides. He hesitated as he glanced once at Marth, and then added, “Do you think that she-”

Roy held up his right hand to interrupt Link’s statement and turned his head to eye Marth as he whispered, “We’ll keep this between us. If Zelda says anything about this, I want you to handle it.”

Marth remained silent, his expression cringed in embarrassment. Link lifted up an index finger and pondered, “Can I handle it?”

“No,” Roy responded as his hand altered its shape into a point at Link. “You’ve got another job to do… one which I can’t remember right now.”

Roy headed towards the dresser near the abandoned remainder of his suit, and then lifted the jacket from its haphazard resting location. Marth blinked as he shook his head to free himself from his silence, and then wondered aloud, “Roy, how did you manage to get dressed yesterday, when you’re having so much trouble doing it with one hand?”

Roy clutched the shoulder pads of the jacket and suspended it in the air, then smirked and stated, “Why don’t you ask Link?”

Marth immediately glowered at Link. “I don’t want to talk about it,” the elf said, shuddering slightly.

At that moment, the telephone abruptly rang, forcing each of the members of Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated to turn in that direction and stare in confusion. Roy bolted for the telephone and abandoned the suit jacket. He placed his hand upon the telephone, and then raised an eyebrow as he watched Marth amble towards the discarded suit jacket and lift it from the floor. Roy shook his head, lifted the telephone out of its receiver, and answered, “Hello, you’ve reached Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated. You’ve got a job, and we need one. How may we help you today?”

“Yes. Uhh, is this on?” the high-pitched voice sputtered from the opposite end of the line. “Alright! Well, then! I have a mission for you people!”

Roy grinned smugly. “Well, it sounds like someone got access to a helium tank! Can you tell me where it is, Doctor Mario?”

“Doctor Mario?” the voice replied. “No, this is Popo of the Ice Climbers.”

Roy hesitated and blinked before continuing, “Popo? What the hell do you want?”

Popo paused for a moment. “I wanted to pay you guys to do a job for me. A very important job.”

“Oh!” Roy cried in shock. He fidgeted as he lowered himself to lean his elbow upon the desk, and then added, “Well, tell me what it is, then.”

“Alright, this is rather personal, but I’m sick of having Nana always hanging around and following me everywhere,” Popo replied. “So, I want you guys to kill her.”

Roy’s eyes grew wide as he shouted, “Kill her? Isn’t that taking it to the extreme a little bit?”

“Do you have a better idea?” Popo retorted.

“Good point,” Roy responded, nodding to himself. “Well, then… Wow, Popo, I never knew you were a homicidal little… Eskimo thing.

An acute laugh came from the opposite end of the telephone line. “What did you think I lugged that stupid hammer around for?”

“You are now officially cool,” Roy declared. “I take back what I said about how fruity your little blue Eskimo outfit looks.”

There was a clicking noise heard, and Roy scowled. “Fine!” he cried. “Screw you, too!” He slammed the telephone into its receiver and then stood up straight to stare at his colleagues. “What a jerk,” he haughtily sputtered as he placed his uninjured hand upon his hip. “This will be the last time anyone hangs up on me,” he declared boldly as he removed the hand from his hip and then clenched it into a proud fist, “and you can mark my words on that one. I give you permission to, this time.”

“Duly noted,” Link replied.

Marth shook his head. “What’s the occasion?” he inquired as he lazily raised his eyebrows.

“Popo wants us to kill Nana,” Roy nonchalantly replied as he studied his fingernails, ignoring the confused and concerned expressions directed at him from his colleagues. “Seems like an easy mission, if you ask me.”

“Are you insane?” Marth cried in anguish. “We can’t kill someone!”

Roy glanced up from his nails to target a smug expression at his colleague. “Why not?” he asked, smirking. “It shouldn’t be difficult.”

“We can’t kill someone!” Marth repeated as his expression altered into one of dismay. “It’s against the law!”

Roy pouted, “Since when do I obey the law? So I like moonshine; how can that be such an awful crime? I’m not hurting anyone but myself.”

“Maybe we could still do it if the price is right,” Link stated. Marth shot an accusing glare at him.

Roy grinned heartily at Link. “You have learned well, my friend,” he concluded, nodding. “Perhaps I’ll have to reconsider my opinion of you.”

“Opinion?” Link asked in a whimpering tone. “What op-”

“Shut up, Link,” Roy interrupted. He shook his head and added, “You just lost your chance.”

Marth sighed and blinked as he stared at Roy. “Roy, could you at least do me one favor now that we’re somehow off the topic of killing Nana?” he questioned, scowling. When Roy directed an accusing glance at him, Marth offered the suit jacket and continued, “Please put the rest of your suit on.”

Roy held his arms up and mocked in a threatening manner, “What’s this, now? Oh, it’s Marth, asking too many things from me once again! First, it’s, ‘Roy, put your pants on, since I’m apparently going to vomit at your hotness,’ and then it’s, ‘Roy, put your shirt on, since I’m increasingly jealous of your time spent in the gym!’ ”

“What gym?” Link asked.

Roy hesitated. “Touché.”

Marth slightly smiled as Roy snatched the garments from his clutching hands. When a disturbing thought pierced his mind, he inquired, “Are you going to need help with that, too?”

“Like I’d want your help!” Roy spat. “Whenever you try to help, something goes wrong. Although, I suppose it is rather fitting to your job.”

Marth rolled his eyes and then retorted, “Make whatever comments you want. You’re still going to have to put your suit on.”

Roy fell silent and directed his attention to the suit jacket in his hand. He muttered unintelligibly under his breath and then proceeded to unbutton the front of the jacket when Link interjected, “Aren’t you going to put a dress shirt on first, Roy?”

“No,” Roy answered, shooting a confused glare at his colleague. “Why? Are you wearing a dress shirt on underneath the jacket?”

“Yes,” Link responded, “and a tie. I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do.”

“It is,” Marth stated, directing his gaze at Roy. “You seriously didn’t know that?”

Roy shook his head and then shrugged his shoulders with a sigh. “Who cares?” he sputtered as he continued to unbutton the jacket front. At the last button, he opened the jacket sides and then attempted to sling it across his shoulders. He winced from the pain of clenching his injured hand over the hem of the jacket, and then grumbled as he managed to force the specified arm through its corresponding sleeve. He exhaled slightly and then smirked as he slipped his right arm through its designated sleeve with ease, and then began to button the jacket. “There,” Roy stated as he buttoned the final, uppermost one. “See? Isn’t this alright?”

Marth shook his head, and Link nodded with enthusiasm. “Are you going to change your jogging sneakers, as well?” Marth questioned.

“No,” Roy answered simply.

The telephone ring pierced the room at that moment, and Roy turned his head to stare at it in confusion. “What the…?” he stammered as he took a few cautious steps towards the object. Slowly he lifted the telephone and asked, “Hello?”

“Hello. Is this Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated?” came a high-pitched voice.

Roy grimaced. “Darn it, I thought you knew you weren’t supposed to call twice! We’re running on a semi-tight schedule, here!”

There was a moment of silence. “I didn’t call back,” the voice replied. “Roy? Is that you? This is Nana.”

Roy’s eyes grew wide as he muttered, “Oh! Oh, Nana, I’m sorry you had to see that- erm… - thing, but I was young, and I needed the money-”

“What are you talking about?” she asked. “Listen, I’ve got an important job for you guys. I heard Bowser cursing your company’s name awhile ago, and I thought that you might be able to help me.”

“Right, that…” Roy answered with an exhale of relief. “Well, let me start over, then.” He cleared his throat and continued in his standard tone, “Hello, you’ve reached Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated. You’ve got a job, and we need one. How may we help you today?”

Nana paused. “Well, I’m not sure if you’d want to do this, but I need you guys to kill Popo for me.”

An exuberant smirk appeared across Roy’s lips. “I see!” he shouted as he raised his eyebrows. “And, what’s the occasion?”

“He always follows me around,” she replied shrilly. “I hate it. I’m sick of him using his hammer to make pancakes from my chocolate cakes.”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea, though it is rather lame,” Roy admitted. “Now, why exactly do you hate him so much that you want to kill him?” He glanced up from the desk at Marth, who was gazing wide-eyed at him.

“We have a difficult home life,” Nana replied, sighing at the end of her sentence.

Roy grinned and inquired, “How so?”

Nana choked a nervous laugh and answered, “Hey, you’d become a homicidal Eskimo maniac if you were still living with your clone brother when you’re thirty-five.”

“You’re thirty-five?” Roy shrieked.

Nana hesitated before saying, “Yeah. So what? How old are you?”

“Undisclosed,” Roy replied as his grin faded into a frown. He paused for a moment to think, and then continued, “Oh, wait. This isn’t one of those whatchamacallit-dating things, is it?”

“Like I’d ever go out with you, anyway,” Nana stated defiantly.

Roy scowled. “I wasn’t talking about you. Geez, get over yourself.”

“Are you going to help me or not?” Nana accused.

Roy shrugged and answered, “Sure, why not? We’ve got nothing better to do. Bye, then.” He slammed the telephone into its receiver, then stood up straight and stretched his arms into the air. “Looks like we’ve got a mission from Nana this time,” he declared as his arms dropped to his sides. “She wants us to kill Popo, since apparently she doesn’t know how to appreciate chocolate pancakes.”

Marth was aghast. “Roy, why in the hell did you accept that mission?” he furiously questioned. “We’re already supposed to kill Nana for Popo!”

Roy hesitated. “Oh yeah.”

Link tapped his chin with his finger as he thought aloud, “What are we going to do? Is this going to be a double homicide? I’m not good at those.”

“We’re not killing anyone!” Marth protested in indignation. “You guys are both out of your minds!”

“And in someone else’s,” Link replied. “Which, I’ve come to realize, isn’t exactly the best place for me.”

Before Marth had a further opportunity to complain, Roy interrupted upon the conversation, “Here’s the plan: we’re going to split up into two teams. Team Alpha, and Team Teddy Bears. Team Alpha will consist of myself, and you, Link. Team Teddy Bears will consist of… Marth.” He grinned at the grimacing Marth and the continued, “Team Alpha will proceed to set up traps for Popo, and hopefully the little bugger will get himself killed. Team Teddy Bears will just go ahead and attempt to kill Nana. Understand?”

“This is your stupidest plan yet,” Marth spat, “and how come I have to be on Team Teddy Bears? That’s plural! That means there has to be more than one person!”

Roy pointed a condemning finger at his colleague. “Don’t you start using your crazy English jargon on me!” he threatened. “I’ll send you back to France, where you belong!”

Marth mumbled under his breath, and Roy smugly sneered at his frustrated colleague. “Anyway,” he began, brushing the right side of his suit jacket with his hand, “now we can set out! Team Alpha will proceed to Popo’s room, which is… uhh…”

Link hesitated and then said, “Room A-14?”

“A-14,” Roy continued, “and Team Teddy Bears will proceed to Nana’s room, which is… uhh…”

“A-14.”

“A-14,” Roy concluded.

An awkward silence descended upon the room as the members of Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated stared at one another. Marth eventually sighed and pondered, “Roy, do you even realize what you just said? We can’t split up because Popo and Nana are in the same room.”

Roy blinked and then muttered to himself, “Crap, I’ll have to think of another way.”

“How did neither of them notice that each one of them called us requesting to kill the other one, when they’re in the same room?” Link asked, staring at Marth. “That doesn’t make sense.”

Marth merely shook his head. “Nothing makes sense, Link. Nothing makes sense.”

Roy folded his arms and pouted, “Fine, then I guess we’ll have to stick together. But, I do not want you to make any smartass comments, Marth.”

“No guarantees,” Marth replied.

“Deal,” Roy stated.

Link nodded. “Right, so, shall we head over there?”

“That’s my job to order you guys around!” Roy cried, snarling at Link. He paused to clear his throat, and then declared, “To Room A-14!”

Marth perked up an eyebrow as the room descended into silence once more. Roy blinked for a moment and then proceeded to leave the room. Link eagerly pursued his red-haired colleague, and Marth reluctantly followed behind them with a solemn frown overlapping his expression. “A-12…” Roy listed off the room numbers, “A-13…” He halted in the hallway, forcing his colleagues to each come to a haphazard stop. Roy wondered aloud, “What comes after A-13?”

“A-14!” Marth answered, slapping his forehead with his hand. “I’m surrounded by an idiot.”

“Thank you,” Roy stated as he continued to amble down the hallway.

Marth perked up with interest as he proceeded to follow Roy. “W-What did you say?” he sputtered. “Did you say, ‘Thank you?’ Oh my God, you’ve never said that to me before!” Marth began to smile to himself as a wave of giddiness overcame his facial expression.

“Don’t count on it in the future,” Roy responded. “Hate to burst your bubble, but you rarely ever do anything that constitutes a ‘thank you.’ ” Roy shrugged his shoulders as he halted before the door with a small plate hanging upon it that read Room A-14. “Although, I didn’t even know I knew what ‘constitutes’ means. Wow, I guess I’m smarter than you thought I was, right?”

Marth’s expression faded into one of unconcern. “Not really.”

Roy neglected to acknowledge Marth’s comment and abruptly swung the door open, shouting, “Nana and Popo! We are here for your missions!” He glanced around the room and then scowled when he noticed Nana sitting upon a desk chair. “Nana? Where’s Popo?” he questioned confusedly.

“In the other room,” she answered, swinging the swiveling chair to face the intruders. “He’ll be back in a minute, so hurry up and set something up!”

“Like what? I haven’t planned anything, yet,” Roy accusingly stated, glaring down at her with a peculiar expression. “I never thought that I’d get this far. I figured that somewhere along the line, Marth’s crazy guilt-trips would force me to somehow get out of it.”

Link grinned. “Marth’s been good today,” he said. “Very helpful, yes?”

“Let’s not talk about Marth,” Roy replied as he glanced once back at his colleague.

Marth grimaced, and Roy continued, “I don’t know. How would you kill your brother if you had the chance?”

Nana allowed herself a moment to ponder the given question, and then leapt off of the desk chair to answer, “The whole time we would be climbing those icicle mountains, I had hoped that a giant icicle would just fall out of nowhere and hit him.” She paused to smile up at Roy, and then continued in her high-pitched voice, “Maybe you guys could do that.”

Roy returned the smirk and then placed his hands on his hips. “Sure, I’m up to the challenge,” he replied. “Use that funky move that makes an icicle two-thirds of your body size appear out of nowhere.”

Nana lifted her hammer and then carelessly swung it over her shoulder, forcing the Ice Shot to skid across the ground in Roy’s direction and collide with his leg. Roy shrieked and then grimaced, “Aww, crap! Nana, you loser! Now I have seven percent damage to deal with…”

“Sorry,” she said with genuine concern as she lifted her hammer for a second attempt. She gave a swift swing of her hammer and then grinned to herself as another Ice Shot formed and began to slowly skid across the floor.

Roy hurriedly knelt down, halted the sliding icicle with his right hand, and then lifted it up. He shoved it towards Link and shivered, muttering, “Wow, that thing is cold. You guys must come from Alaska, or something.” He glanced at Marth, who heaved a sigh.

Link fidgeted as he tried in frustration to hold the Ice Shot. He quivered and asked in a shivery tone, “W-What am I supposed t-to do with this?”

Roy proceeded to the open doorway and then closed it partway, leaving a tiny crack in the doorway. He then ambled towards Link, snatched the icicle attack, and then returned to the doorway, where he placed the icicle pointy end down in the crack of the door and the doorframe. “There,” he declared with confidence. “That ought to do the job.”

“Hopefully,” Link chimed in. Marth sneered at the elf, but Link remained impassive.

Marth bit his lip as he witnessed his colleagues and their client gathered around the doorway in expectation. “You’re all crazy!” he finally shouted at them, forcing each of the characters to turn around and eye him in confusion. “Do you people have any idea what you’re doing? Not is this against the law, but it’s also immoral, inhumane, brutal, and unethical!”

“That was kinda’ the point,” Roy retorted. When Marth approached him and provided an infuriated glare, he asked, “Is this about the pants thing?”

Marth’s retaliation was interrupted when he heard footsteps approaching from the hallway. “Oh no,” he whispered.

Roy glanced at Marth once and then gave a forceful shove with his right hand, then turned around to witness the event. The door slowly opened, revealing Popo and his shocked expression to see the intruders in his room. Moments later, the icicle descended from its elevated position and pierced through Popo’s parka and then skull, forcing blood to spurt from the penetration and fountain onto the floor. Popo’s lifeless body collapsed onto the floor, and blood spilled nauseatingly onto the tile.

“Oh, that was cool,” Link said. “Can we replay it?”

“Mission complete,” Roy concluded. He stared in disgust down at Popo’s corpse. “I’m not cleaning that up; it wasn’t part of the deal.”

Nana nodded to herself and smirked deviously. “I’ll clean it up,” she began. “Thank you so much, Roy! Now I don’t have to follow him around anymore!”

“I thought that your problem was that he followed you around everywhere,” Link stated.

“Whatever.”

Marth rose to his feet and stumbled towards his colleagues. His jaw quivered in distress and shock when he noticed Popo’s mutilated body, and he slowly turned to Roy with wide eyes. “What… what in world have you done?” he cried in a combination of dismay and rage.

“I did the job that was asked of me,” Roy replied.

Marth shook his head and restrained himself from having a nervous breakdown. “Oh, my… God,” he managed to sputter as he buried his face in his hands. “You killed him. You really… oh my God.”

Link placed a consoling hand on Marth’s shoulder and said, “I’m sorry that you missed it. Maybe it Roy hadn’t pushed you, then you would’ve gotten to see what happened.” Marth continually choked out whimpering noises.

Roy hesitated for a moment and a thoughtful expression appeared across his face as a remaining thought pierced his mind. “Oh, wait,” he began, “I forgot about Popo’s mission.”

He unsheathed his sword with his right hand, ambled towards Nana, and then plummeted the blade into her cranium. Marth glanced up and gasped at the sight of the blood gushing from the remaining Ice Climber’s head and trickling down her body to the floor. Once Roy removed his sword from the girl’s skull, he returned it to its holster and then stared down at Nana’s body, which had collapsed onto the tile in a pond of its own blood.

“Now the mission’s complete,” Roy boldly declared. “Another job well done… by me.”

“You…!” Marth cried, but then wobbled uneasily in his stance and collapsed onto the floor in unconsciousness.

Roy glanced at his insensible colleague and muttered, “Good, now he can shut up for awhile.”

Link shifted his glances between the murdered Ice Climbers and Marth, and eventually looked up at Roy, asking, “What’s going to happen now that you’ve killed them?”

Roy made odd gesticulations as he answered, “I don’t know.” He hesitated for a moment, and then added, “I know - Link, find their wallets so I can get paid.”