Mission 227: Floppy Disk Panic!

From Accct Wiki

Roy sat behind his feeble plywood desk and fiddled with some blank papers. “I’ve got to get these important documents filed,” he muttered. Marth eyed him from across the room and frowned in discontent.

“Maybe starting this organization wasn’t such a good idea,” he said. “Ever since you had Pikachu build that desk for you, you’ve been on a power-trip.”

Roy looked up from his papers and glared menacingly at his colleague. “The desk makes the man,” he reported. With that, he stood up proudly as his right hand formed a fist. “It is our duty to take any job that we can, for I need money!”

“So… is that why you started this thing?” Marth questioned, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. “And why did you give it such a stupid name?”

“Do not make fun of my naming skills!” Roy cried as he stared off in an unknown direction. His hand dropped back down to his side as he continued, “As an employee of Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated, it is your solemn duty to shut up and listen to your boss.”

Marth sighed and glowered at Roy with a disgruntled grimace. “So now you’ve determined that you’re the boss…” he complained, rolling his eyes.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and caused both of the swordsmen to immediately glance in the direction of the clamor. Link appeared in the doorway from the hallway and suspended a paper bag in the air as he smiled heartily. “I’ve got burgers!” he said gleefully. He paced towards Roy’s desk and set the bag upon it, smirking exuberantly.

Roy stared down at the bag with a scowl. “You’ve wasted our precious money by buying these heart attacks! That’s coming out of your paycheck!”

A sharp hammering noise came from the east wall. “Will you guys shut up?” came a woman’s voice. “Couldn’t you find a better location for your stupid company than Marth’s room?”

Roy raised his eyebrows as he strolled over to the east wall. “No. Brother Marth has generously leant us his room for this company.” He placed his hands behind his back as he closed his eyes halfway in an effort to appear important. “Sorry, Peach, but it is going to stay that way… unless you sue again. Please don’t do that.”

Marth sighed and raised an eyebrow at his colleague. “And I didn’t ‘generously’ loan you guys anything. All you did was charge in and ransack my room, and you claimed that you’d fix it up later after the cash came flowing in.” He paused to point at the gaping hole in the west wall, hidden beneath a elevated stack of blank papers.

“You know that was an accident,” Link interrupted, fishing through the paper bag he had fetched. “That horse was only trained to be ridden, and not do tricks.”

“You could’ve at least let me keep my bed in my own room!” Marth retorted, scowling at Link as he angrily clenched his hands into fists. “But, you just had to push it out of the window! It’s probably still laying there in pieces in the parking lot.”

Link smirked and replied, “It’s not there anymore - I checked. It was in Roy’s parking space, so he had it removed.”

“Yeah, so you owe me a couple hundred bucks,” Roy added, pointing an accusing finger at Marth.

The telephone sitting atop Roy’s desk abruptly rang, forcing the members of Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated to each instantaneously dart to the phone. Marth reached for it, but Roy slapped his colleague’s hand and answered the telephone himself. “Hello, you’ve reached Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated. You’ve got a job, and we need one. How may we help you today?”

“Show me your moves!” the voice from the opposite side of the line said.

“That costs extra, sir,” Roy informed him.

There was a pause before the voice continued, “Oh, sorry. Oh man, I’m still caught up in the moment of the battle. Sorry. Excuse me one moment, please.”

As an unsettling silence followed, Roy stood up straight and alternated his glance back and forth between the confused Link and the indifferent Marth. Finally, the voice continued, “Alright, sorry about that. Now, I have a job for you guys.”

“Excellent!” Roy said. He carelessly backhanded Marth’s arm, and Marth grumbled as he turned around to a nearby counter and depressed a button on the small stereo sitting upon it. As the lighthearted music began to play in the background of his conversation, Roy highlighted his company’s proficiencies by stating, “We specialize in all sorts of jobs, from high-tech, futuristic space battles to cleaning dishes. Here at Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated, we understand that you have a choice in your odd job-performing, pathetic losers, and we appreciate that you have chosen us as your… odd job-performing, pathetic losers.”

There was another hesitation from the caller. “Alright,” he finally said. “Well, I have a rather odd job for you guys, but I don’t know if you guys would be willing to accept it.”

Roy cocked an eyebrow and then turned his head to sneer at Marth. “Perhaps the music was not loud enough, sir. Here at Red, Blue, and That-”

“Fine!” the voice shouted. “I have had an important floppy disk stolen from me. It contained a Windows Media Player file that had three shady figures on it, each one of them uttering, ‘We know where you live.’ It was rather disturbing, but now it’s missing.”

Roy blinked. “And why do you need this freaky disk back?”

“I was feeling secure once it was missing,” the voice replied, “but I’d like it back so I can continue feeling insecure.”

“Are you Captain Falcon?” Roy asked.

“No,” the voice responded after a slight hesitation. “Umm… Can you guys do this, though?”

“Of course we can!” Roy said, feeling overly confident. “What’s your room number, Captain Falcon?”

“A-12,” the voice responded. “…And I’m not Captain Falcon. When you find the disk and finish the job, leave it on the desk next to the computer inside that room. I will have the money laying there for you.”

Roy grinned, concluding, “Leave it to me!” and subsequently slammed the telephone into its receiver. He glanced at his colleagues, both of whom were returning his awkward stare. “I mean, ‘us.’ ”

Marth sighed. “Actually, I’d be fine if it was just yo-”

“So, what’s our first job?” Link asked, an eager expression appearing across his face.

“Captain Falcon’s missing some freaky floppy disk,” Roy answered as he folded his arms in conceit.

Link glanced at Marth, who merely sighed. “Let me guess… he didn’t give you any clue as to where it would be, either?” Marth questioned solemnly.

Roy thought for a moment and then added with inappropriate optimism, “No, he did not.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Marth questioned, holding his arms out slightly.

Roy nodded to himself and then forced a triumphant fist into the air. “We look for the disk!” He paused and shifted his eyes back and forth ineptly before he continued, “And I propose we start in Room A-12!”

Link took a few steps towards the doorway and peered across the hallway. “Hey guys,” he began, “Room A-12 is right across the hallway.”

Marth frowned as he sauntered past Roy and halted beside Link. He turned around to face Roy, who was still holding his fist up in the air. “Let’s move it along, here, please. Some of us have salon appointments to get to.”

Roy’s grin faded slightly as he allowed his arm to fall down to his side. He strolled past his colleagues into the hallway and halted to turn around and face them. “Then let our first mission be a good one!” he announced.

Marth glared confusedly at Link and muttered, “And our last.”

Roy turned around once more and headed towards the door for Room A-12. He placed his hand on the doorknob and then sighed as he impatiently waited for Link and Marth to join him. An awkward silence followed, and Roy began to tap his foot in irritation. “Hey, Link,” he heard Marth say, “what’s he waiting for?”

“For you guys!” Roy shouted, releasing the doorknob as he angrily spun around to confront them. Marth and Link slowly walked towards Roy and then stood before their colleague silently. Roy, feeling content, nodded and pointed at them as he said, “Now, you guys are in this just as much as I am. So, I suggest that you play along, since you’ve both got contracts.”

Marth frowned. “Not if I just go back into my room and rip it up.”

Roy held up an index finger as if to indicate an error in judgement. “Which is precisely why I had them laminated,” he stated boldly. “That, and I hid every pair of scissors in this building in someplace that no one will ever find them!”

Marth raised an eyebrow to contradict Roy’s confidence. “Let me guess…” he began, walking over underneath a neon sign that said Scissors are in Here! “They’re in here,” he continued, pointing to the door beneath the neon sign.

“They said no one would look if I put a big sign there,” Roy said, scowling. “There’s thirty-five bucks down the drain!”

At that moment, Roy noticed Mario strolling down the hallway in his direction. Mario halted, glanced up at the neon sign, and then said, “Oh, here’s where the scissors are.” He proceeded to enter the room, and Marth took steps backwards to remove himself from Mario’s way. After a few moments, Mario reappeared and shut the door behind himself as he carried a pair of scissors down the hallway in the direction from which he had come.

Roy scowled and turned around, muttering incoherently under his breath. He cautiously opened the door to Room A-12 and looked around. Link followed and flicked the light switch into the On position before he pondered aloud, “If this is Captain Falcon’s room, where is he?”

“Who cares?” Roy asked, glancing once at Link. He took a few steps towards the computer desk and ran his finger across the top of it. “Would it kill him to clean once in awhile? Maybe it’s the dust from this room that gave me asthma.” He shot a swift glimpse at Link and continued, “Y-You know? Like, it gets into the air vents and it, uh… you know, I don’t know where I’m going with this. Never mind.”

Marth finally walked into the room and frowned as he began to stare at Link. “Well, ‘That Other Guy,’ has there been any luck?” Roy stood up straight and eyed Marth indignantly. “You aren’t willing to do very much work, are you?” he accused. “And, what were you doing for those nine seconds that you weren’t in here?”

Marth grinned and wondered aloud, “Why did you put all of the scissors in your room?”

“So the God-awful smell would drive people away from getting them back,” Roy answered boldly.

“That’s a good reason,” Marth replied, his smile fading.

Link blinked and browsed the room. “Do you think that Captain Falcon could have just hidden the disk as a test for us?”

Roy heaved a sigh as he eyed his colleague. “Sadly, he’s not that smart,” he replied, opening a drawer of the desk and fishing through assorted pencils and random compact discs. “What are you guys doing? Look around,” he ordered, neglecting to look up from his scouring.

Marth headed to the closet, pushed on one of the sliding doors, and began to rummage through various clothes, figures, and Playstation magazines. He abruptly halted his investigation when he shifted a jacket and then noticed a hefty dollhouse sitting on the closet floor. “Hey guys,” he started, but then paused and winced. “Err, never mind.”

Link initiated his own search through the nearby dresser and tossed random garments aside onto the floor and furniture as he explored. After a few moments, he halted and wondered aloud, “What are we looking for again?”

Marth pitched clothes onto the floor from the closet as he continued his own search, but his patience soon wore thin. He spun around and glared at Roy, who stared up at his colleague as a cow stares at an oncoming train.

“What’s the matter, Marth?” Roy asked. “Did your imaginary friend run off with your imaginary girlfriend again?”

“No, the therapy finally got rid of that thieving George once and for all,” Marth replied, narrowing his eyes as he remembered it. Then, he returned his focus to Roy and shouted furiously, “This is stupid!”

“We, by which I mean ‘I,’ need money, pal,” Roy retorted. “And this is the laziest way I could think of making a few extra bucks.”

Marth folded his arms and smirked. “Well, I’ve got a lazier idea.”

---

Captain Falcon reentered his room two hours later and flicked the light switch into the On position. He ambled to his desk after shutting the door and pressed the power button of the computer. He noticed a small floppy disk sitting upon the desk with a note taped haphazardly onto it. He lifted the note until the tape peeled off of the disk and then read aloud, “U. O. I., and maybe Marth and Link, too, for finding your disk. Thank you for your business, jerk. Signed, Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Inc.”

“Well, whatever…” Captain Falcon muttered as he the note down and lifted the disk. He placed the disk into the floppy drive and patiently waited until a window opened with the contents of the disk displayed upon it. He placed his hand on the mouse and then clicked the icon of the Windows Media Player arrow, then watched curiously as the computer immediately opened the file.

Within the first few moments, the only visible article was a black backdrop draped over what appeared to be a dresser, and there were several shouts of profanity as the camera was adjusted to be in black-and-white format. Two figures dressed in all black wandered into the range of the camera’s lens and began to slowly wave their arms and make “Oooh” noises. Finally, a third “shady” figure appeared on the screen, held up his hands, and wiggled his fingers. “We know where you live!” the rear-right figure uttered, then glanced at the other figures. “Is that the phrase?” it asked, and the others nodded as they all began to chant those words in a disorganized fashion. After a few more moments, the screen fizzled and then turned completely black as the camera fell off of its resting location. The crashing and breaking noises were the last things heard as the file stopped playing.

Captain Falcon emotionlessly stared at the computer monitor. “My God…” he whispered. “Red, Blue, and That Other Guy Incorporated are lifesavers.”