Page 166: Sweet 17
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It was the most beautiful day of July in the gigantic metropolis known as Nintendo City. Birds were chirping, the wind was blowing calmly, and all about families and joggers all gathered around the many well-placed parks, except for Oval Park, the one place that was property to and was the home of the Super Smash Brothers Mansion, home to none other than...
...The Super Smash Brothers themselves. Yes, all 31 of them - including Master Hand, Crazy Hand, and Giga Bowser - have peacefully been living in harmony together ever since they helped saved Nintendo City and the entire world from the evil Dark Forces. Now, after many long months and a few, stretchy years, as new fighters come in and some old veterans prepare to pack, one question came all come into mind...
What to do on Yoshi the First's sevententh birthday?
"You're so lucky, Yoshi." Giga Bowser said, walking up to Yoshi.
Yoshi the First, Peppy Ankylosaurus, and Dr. Hoshi were seated down in the living room and were playing Mortal Kombat for some strange reason.
"I don't even know how old I am," Giga Bowser added, eyeing Yoshi suspiciously, annoyed as he got no response. "Fine, ignore me, see if I care." He growled, stomping out of the living room.
"So what do you want to do for your birthday anyway, my dear Yoshi boy?" Asked Dr. Hoshi as he contiued playing.
Yoshi shrugged. "Eh. Beats me. I have a Nintendo Wii, and apparantely, Falco Lombardi wanted me to come over to his bar for some strange reason he wouldn't tell." He responded.
"Lucky," Sighed Fox McCloud as he passed by the room.
Peppy rolled his eyes. "Maybe Falco's in love with you." He bursted into laughter.
Yoshi growled and hit Peppy on the head. "Shut up!" He folded his arms and muttered, "Stupid yellow Ankylosaurus."
Peppy growled, rubbing his head injury as he muttered to himself, "Stupid green Yoshisaurus." He faced Dr. Hoshi, angrily. "Harryhausen, you could have helped me instead of sitting there playing Mortal Kombat, y'know!"
Finish him the TV blared. Dr. Hoshi playing as Scorpion punched Subzero (Peppy) finishing him off as he it showed Scorpion pulling off Subzero's head.
"That's going to hurt in the morning," Yoshi winced.
Just then Princess Peach walked into the room, and she pulled Yoshi out by the arm. "Come on you're not going to waste your 17 birthday like this!" She snapped.
Yoshi screamed. "Help! Save me, May! Save me, Superman!" He screamed as he was pulled out of the room.
Peppy sneered. "Superman? That was the worst game ever!' He started to laugh, rolling on the floor.
"Damn and he never asked for help from me," Sighed Subzero shaking his head in the corner.
"Marth take this freak to the circus," Peach replied ash she threw Yoshi to Marth.
"But the clown there scare me," Whined Marth. "Do I really have to? Why can't Falco or something do it?"
Yoshi started crying waterfalls. "Peach, please! I don't wanna go to the circus! I rather play Banjo-Kazooie on my Nintendo 64!"
"Yeah, except me and Mario are playing Pokemon Stadium on it!" Luigi shouted from upstairs, being beaten badly in Pokemon Stadium by Mario.
"And I'm going to play Metal Gear on it with my snake later on," Snake added, walking upstairs and slipping on...snakes.
Yoshi looked at Peach with puppy-eyes. "Pweeeeeese, Peachy?" He said in a cute, innocent voice.
"No, you're going to the circus and that's that!" Peach shouted, shoving Yoshi, Marth, and Donkey Kong for some strange reason out of the Super Smash Brothers Mansion and slamming the door.
Yoshi pouted, folding his arms together. "Great! I get stuck with the worst characters possible..." He sighed and started walking towards Nintendo City with Marth and Donkey Kong, facing them angrily, "You better not make my time a rotten one."
"How should we know?" Donkey Kong asked as he lost a life in his copy of Donkey Kong Country, which he was playing on his DK-themed GBA-SP.
"I just hope that clown isn't there," Marth whispered quietly. "Okay Yoshi who's a happy boy?" Asked Marth.
"I am," Screamed Donkey Kong as he beat the next level in his game.
Yoshi sighed to himself as they entered the circus ground. "Let's go to the petting zoo first," Suggested Marth. Donkey Kong glared at him.
One of the goats noticed Donkey Kong's red necktie, and started eating it.
Donkey Kong screamed. "My necktie!" He dropped his GBA-SP and started tugging his red necktie with the goat.
Yoshi yawned. "BO-RING," He said, not amused.
"i'll help you," Marth yelled as he took out his sword and slammed it down on the goat several times. A kid who happened to be petting the goat's mother nearby cried.
Yoshi buried his face in his hands, embarrassed. "Great going, Marth, you just got us in trouble." He moaned.
Suddenly, two random zoo keepers stomped towards Yoshi, Marth, and Donkey Kong. "All right, who killed Goaty the Goat?" They asked in unison.
Yoshi and Donkey Kong pointed at Marth. "It was him!" They screamed in unison, fleeing to the circus tent.
"It was the kid, I swear!" Stuttered Marth nervously, as he ran after Yoshi and Donkey Kong.
The two zoo keepers looked at the kid, and started dragging him off.
"No! It wasn't me!" The kid cired innocently, with the two zoo keepers continued dragging.
Meanwhile, our three moronic "heroes" - Marth, Donkey Kong, and Yoshi - were running towards the circus tent and away from the petting zoo when suddenly, Crazy Hand stopped them.
"Hey, I didn't know you worked here!" Exclaimed Yoshi, pointing at Crazy Hand with his...right index finger.
"Yeah, I work here at this one ballon dart thing. I'm the one who riggs the games and ripps kids out of their college money," he smiled proudly.
"Well whatever," Said Yoshi, obviously very bored. "Do you have the key to the mansion so we can get back inside?"
Suddenly, Wobbuffett popped up randomly behind Crazy Hand. "Wobbuffett!!" It exclaimed, saluting.
"...Who the heck is that?" Donkey Kong asked, pointing at Wobbuffett as another goat started eating his dropped GBA-SP, without him noticing.
"Ahh...that would be Master Hand," Replied Crazy Hand, surprisingly calmly, nodding to Wobbuffett.
"I thought that was your brother...the big white hand?" Asked Yoshi eyeing him
Wobbuffett then started wobbing back and forth, hitting Crazy Hand, and sending him into the horizon. "Wobba!" It shouted again.
Yoshi, Marth, and Donkey Kong all sweatdropped as they looked at each other.
"Well, that was ridiculous," Yoshi said, shaking his head and sighing.
Donkey Kong chuckled. "Ridiculous...more like 'Wiidiculous'!" He joked, laughing his head off. No one laughed, and he frowned. "Oh c'mon! Ridiculous! Wiidiculous! Get it?"
"No, you stupid, so just shut up, stupid!" Yoshi growled, slapping Donkey Kong on the back of the head.
"Let's go see the clown now," Exclaimed Donkey Kong as he ran toward the tent. "I love clowns."
Marth started to sweat. "Umm...Yoshi?" He asked in a worried tone.
Yoshi went into the tent also, with Marth forcefully followng
"Shut up, stupid," Yoshi growled, taking out a box of popcorn and starting to eat it, "We're here to see the show."
Suddenly, a clown popped up in front of them, but not just any clown...Ganondorf the Clown!
"Hey hey! Hoohoohoohaahaahaa!" Ganondorf laughed, taking out a cheery pie and throwing it at Marth's face, laughing.
Yoshi and Donkey Kong stared blankly at each other, then looked down at marth, who was on the ground, screaming.
"Who's a happy molsted boy?" Ganondorf asked honking a horn and running around Marth. "What...It's in my script?" He asked, looking around.
Marth was laying on the ground, twitching in fear. "Scary, scary monster..."
"Baby," Yoshi said as he threw his box of popcorn at Marth, and turned to Ganondorf. "Hey Ganondorf, do you know where Falco's bar is?"
Ganondorf looked at the ceiling of the circus tent. "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..."
A few hours later...
"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh-" Ganondorf was then whammed in the stomach by Yoshi's tail. "Ow!"
Donkey Kong gasped. "Ooooh...tail whip..." He admired, clapping for no apparant reason.
Yoshi growled, holding Ganondorf. "Come on! I don't have time for this stupidity! Just tell me where Falco is!"
"Do you know the muffin man?" asked Ganondrof as he peered in Yoshi's face.
Yoshi growled back. "Get...to...the...POINT..." He hissed, showing off his small fangs.
"Okay, fine!" Ganondorf screamed pouting. "His bar is on Dreary Lane."
Later, at Falco Lombardi's terribly-run bar...
"Falco, I never knew your bar was so...so..." Yoshi stuttered as he shuddered and walked by the knocked out drunks and sat at the bar counter with Donkey Kong, "...Unsanitary..."
"Hey, where's Marth?" Falco asked, cleaning a glass, "Wasn't he with you?"
Yoshi looked at Donkey Kong, then at Falco, and shrugged. "Beats me." He simply replied.
Meanwhile at the circus tent...
"Who's a happy moslested child, who's a happy molested child," Cheered Ganondorf happily, poking the unconcious Marth.
Back at the bar...
"Hey Yoshi it's time for a game of Truth or Share." Mewtwo said, laughing in a rather drunk tone, nudging Yoshi.
"You mean Truth or dare?" Yoshi asked the drunk Mewtwo.
"No Truth or Bare," Said Mewtwo smiling.
Just then Snake ran into the bar carrying a broken n64. "Uhh sorry," he replied. "I tried to blow into the game slot and somehow broke it."
Yoshi started foaming angrily at the mouth. He turned to Snake, and started attacking him.
Donkey Kong, Falco, and the other drunkards watched Yoshi maul Snake to death.
"You will pay..." Yoshi growled, whipping Snake once more with his tail, "With your life..." He started breathing heavily, and stopping as he noticed everyone looking at him. "What?" He asked innocently.
"That...was...WICKED..." Falco said, applauding, and then looking at the broken N64. "Hmmm..."
"Mortal Kombat," yelled Subzero out of nowhere.
"You're a little late," said Donkey Kong looking at him blankly.
"Anway about your Nintendo 64," Falco explained, looking at Yoshi and then at the broken Nintendo 64 system, "I should be able to fix it with a little glue, some duck tape, a little imagination, andsome booze."
"REALLY!?" Yoshi gasped with excitement.
Falco stared blankly at Yoshi, and bursted into laughter. "No, it means..." He said in a dramatic voice, "You must journey to Johto and get May..."
"AW MAN!!!" Yoshi moaned, slamming his head on the counter several times, "But Johto's far from Nintendo City! We'll NEVER get there!"
"Oh and get me a X-Box 360 too," Falco added, sipping a beer. "While you're there."
"We'll just travel the reading rainbow to get there," Smiled Donkey Kong. "Quick someone get a book. Just not one that has to make you think."
"SEGA!!!" Some random people outside the bar sang in unison.
Just then Sonic the Hedgehog rushed into the bar grabbed Donkey Kong and threw him out the window. "There, now he said be in Johto by now," he replied. A second later a car screeching outside could be heard followed by a scream. Sonic growled. "Curse you, Tails!"
"Or me the guy who has all the cool looking videogames but they suck like crap," Vectorman said as he flew in on his jetboots.
"What the fudge is wrong with this story?" Yoshi asked Falco.
Falco shrugged. "I don't know, got to get out of here," The blue bird muttered, as he slowly started to edge towards the exit. "Before they arrest me for selling illegal alchol and costers."
Suddenly, many protestors started chasing Falco down the road.
Yoshi sweatdropped. "Rrrrrrrrrriiiiight..." He spots a phone. "Hmmm...I gotz an idea." He started dialing the phone.
Harley picked up the phone. "Hellooo...this is Harley, how may I help you?' He said in a high-pitched voice.
"Yo, Harley?" Yoshi asked, "It's me, the Yoshter. Have you seen May?"
Harley growled. "MAAAY..." He took out his pink hankerchief and started biting it. "IF YOU MENTION HER NAME..."
"Yeesh, you didn't have to yell at me," Yoshi said as he hung up the phone.
Harley did nothing but just chew on his pink hankerchief. "Next time, May..." He growled, shaking his fist, "NEXT TIME!!!!"
Yoshi sighed and folded his arms. "Yeesh, what's with him?" He said to himself, shaking his head.
"We'll it looks like this is the never ending story," Sighed Mewtwo, drinking another glass of wine. "Awesome I got another line. And another one right there."
Just then Crazy Hand floated in the window with a brand new old Nintendo 64. "Here you go," He said. "I got bored so I did what I ways do and buy a game system. So here's your present then."
"I guess you didn't really get anything new though considering you already had one," Mewtwo added.
"Oh,and Vectorman you're mine. I hate you." Crazy Hand tackled Vectorman as the two flew out the window followed by the sound of cars crashing.
Yoshi sighed. "Well...I wish I had May with me," He admitted, walking out of the bar. "I'm going to the Mario Mobile."
As soon as Yoshi stepped outside, Bowser's Koopa Kruiser was parked in front of him.
"You don't want girl you want hot pocket," Yelled the chinese man from the commercial. Yoshi scratched his head as he walked into the ship.
"Heeeeeeeeey..." Yoshi said to himself as he looked at the interior, "This reminds me of Inspector Gadget."
"Or does it, little boy?" Jigglypuff laughed, singing Yoshi to sleep.
"Hmm I wonder what's in that wonderball," Asked Luigi wondering as he walked into the open ship. "I guess I'll just disect that puffball and find out."
Jigglypuff spotted Luigi, and she used rest, sending Luigi blasting into the background.
"Yaahoohoohoohooeee!!" Luigi screamed the Goofy Holler, getting sued later by the Walt Disney Company.
"WHO KILLED WALT DISNEY!?" Pichu shouted, tilting his head and holding a bagpipe, "With a wrench?"
"Wait this is Clue now?" Asked a drunk Falco. He had out runned the mob for now. "I'm sick of this story, let it end!" He yelled as he pulled out a wrench and killed Jigglypuff and Pichu with it.
"By the way this is not the end of Vectorman, he shall be in the story of a god named Falcored," Falco replied walking out of the ship, "He doesn't pay me enough to do this."
"Get off of my Mario Mobile!" Mario shouted, beating the pulp out of Falco and kicking him out. Mario then gotten mauled by an enraged Bowser.
The police pulled up and arrested a dead Donkey Kong and Mewtwo and drove off.
"Isn't it sad how I rarely get mentioned?" Link asked, before being killed by Zelda, who was also arrested.
Yoshi was peacefully sleeping, until he started screaming. "No...NO!!! NOT THE SCHOOLHOUSE!!! SONIC!!! SPARE ME!!!" He started crying, until he woke up on Peach. "What the..."
"Mornin', sleepy head." Dr. Hoshi said, chuckling, "You had quite a dream."
Yoshi blinked. "Wha...you mean...it was all a dream?"
"Of course!" Peppy admitted, "And plus...you and Peach...well..." He bursted into laughter, running out of the room.
Yoshi just stared at the door. "Did WHAT?" He looked at Peach. "What did we do, Peach?"
"I'm not even going to ask," Said Vectorman shaking his head.
"Shut up, half the people reading this don't even know who you are," Said a drunk Falco. "Well Yoshi last night I guess you went through some manly urges and...you two played scrabble till one in the mourning." He fell over in a drunk stupor
Suddenly, a young boy who looked like Peach, but had a green tail, came running into the room and hugged Peach. "Mama!" He looked at Yoshi. "Papa!"
Yoshi's entire face froze. "Papa...!?" He stared blankly at Peach. "M-mama!?"
Peach blushed, giggling. "Well, Yoshi...you ARE quite the man..." She winked.
Dr. Hoshi slowly walked out of the room. "I'm just leaving you two..." He muttered, running out of the room and shutting the door behind him.
"And that's why, kids, you should never smoke pot," Concluded Mewtwo with a bow.
THE END!!!!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yoshi screamed dramatically in horror (and Darth Vader's voice, of course), breaking all of the windows in the entire Super Smash Brothers Mansion.
Later, we can see Yoshi hanging himself outside the Super Smash Brothers Mansion. Everyone's now crying, everyone except Bowser and Falco Lombardi (who's still knocked out).
