Page 208: Comedy A-Go-Go
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Part 1
The screen flickers. First once, than twice.
We’re waiting for this show to air!
A crown, a tie, a dorky grin
His trademark spiky greenish hair!
It’s time for…
CRAZINESS WITH COSMO!!!!
We focus in on a dirty room. It seems empty, deserted, and a very poor place to do ANY TV show. We hear a distinct nasal voice yelling in the background- “Cosmo! What are you doing?!” and then “GET ME OUT OF THIS BIRDCAGE!” But soon all is silent. The camera is bumped around, knocking the image out-of-focus. Finally, someone picks up the camera and zooms in on a clueless-looking fairy towards the back of the room. His hair is green and disheveled and if his grin got any bigger he’d snap the muscles in his jaw. He is sitting in a small, brown, wooden chair, eyes big, bright and green.
“Welcome to Craziness with Cosmo!” He chirps. “For today’s show, we’ll be interviewing a Nicktoon star, listening to a special musical guest AND watching Timmy flail inside a giant birdcage!”
We hear the panicked, nasal-y voice again, sounding more desperate this time. “Cosmo! Get me outta here!”
“Anyway, the amazingly small cast of Craziness With Cosmo goes out of their way to educate the masses! Les vaches ont mangé mes aubergines!”
We hear Wanda’s voice. She’s the one with the camera. “Cows ate my eggplants?”
Cosmo pouts. “No! Cows ate MY eggplants! Be quiet, Wanda!”
Wanda mumbles absently. We can hear the words “good-for-nothing”, “grumpy”, and “mayonnaise”.
Cosmo returns to business. “Returning to our topic at hand, this week’s Nicktoon star should be along any minute! Let’s take a look, shall we?”
The screen fades to black. We re-focus on a small island where Jimmy Neutron, Libby Folfax, Cindy Vortex, and Sheen Estevez are lying on a tropical beach in bathing suits, enjoying the sun. Carl Wheezer is safely under an umbrella, whining something about his mom not letting him get tans.
“Hey, Sheen?” Jimmy suddenly says.
“Yeah, Jimmy?”
“Do you remember anything about someone… Was it… Mosco? Cosmic? Someone… asking us to be on their 4:00 show today?”
“No, why?”
“No reason. It was just a feeling.”
We focus back in on Cosmo. He is oblivious, as always.
“Yep! They’ll be along any second now!”
Wanda is still mumbling something about mayonnaise. Someone else is still banging on the bars of what sounds like a large birdcage, yelling at Cosmo for one reason or another. There is silence on the set. Suddenly, Eliza Thornberry, who is the only other part of the faculty, runs out on stage. She has on one of those portable microphone thingies where you can hear people and stuff. I don’t know what they’re called. Anyway, she runs up to Cosmo and whispers something in his ear. Shortly afterwards, she becomes distracted by a small cockroach scurrying up a wall and runs over to watch it.
“It seems our special guest, Jimmy Proton, can’t be here tonight.” Cosmo announces without a hint of regret. “So, we’ll just have to settle for Eliza’s friend, the cockroach.”
Wanda speaks up. She is off-screen, obviously, because she’s the one with the camera, for the umpteenth time. “Why don’t we just bring Eliza in?”
Cosmo shakes his head. “That’s a terrible idea, Wanda. BUT… Why don’t we just bring Eliza in?”
Wanda continues muttering about mayonnaise.
“Aha! I’m a genius. Eliza! Come on out! You’ve been randomly selected as this year’s Nicktoon star guest speaker!” Cosmo yells. Eliza, however, is still too utterly fascinated by the cockroach.
“Huh? Did you call me?”
Cosmo nods. “We’re gonna interview you!”
Eliza walks over and sits down in the special nicktoon guest chair. The lights lower and the suspenseful music plays, just like they do in “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?”
COSMO: So, Eliza, what do you do for a living?
ELIZA: Oh, all sorts of things. I travel around the world with my family.
COSMO: Do you see any pudding?
ELIZA: Yes, some countries do serve their own style of different foods, and that includes pudding. Unfortunately, I don’t have any with me right now...
COSMO: (pouting) Uh! You’re mean!
Cosmo refuses to talk any more.
ELIZA: Aren’t you going to ask me another question, or something?
COSMO: No.
WANDA: Ignore Cosmo. His IQ is dangerously low. So, Eliza, do you have any special talents?
ELIZA: None that I can share with the world.
COSMO: (rolling his eyes) Please. She can talk to animals.
ELIZA: (gasps) How do you know that?
COSMO: I watch the show. Duh!
ELIZA: Oh. So I guess that’s how the rest of us know that Timmy has fairy godparents… And Rudy has access to ChalkZone… and Ginger’s had a crush on more than five different guys…
COSMO: OH MY GOSH!! Really?
ELIZA: Erm… You know, I think that’s all the time I have for today!
Eliza scurries eagerly out of the room. Cosmo sighs.
“She was stupid.”
Wanda moves on from mayonnaise. She now begins to insult the mustard.
The green-haired host suddenly smiles brightly.
“But right now, it’s time to meet our sponsors!”
Cosmo pulls a small notecard from out of nowhere.
AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.
Three fish play cards in an otherwise empty room. One has blonde hair, the other brown, and the last is bald. Their names, respectively, Sally, Betty, and Bob.
“Hey, Betty!” Bob exclaims.
“Yes, Bob?”
“I’m hungry, but I don’t know what do eat!”
“Oh no! What will we do?!” Betty cries.
Sally intervenes their distress, holding up a bag. She sounds way too enthusiastic. “Try… Barnacle Chips! They’re Delicious!”
Sally, Betty, and Bob burst into song.
Barnacle Chips, the best in the sea!
Try one, try two…
No, give them all to me!
We eat them for every meal!
Isn’t that the greatest deal?
In conclusion, we will say…
Come on down
Loose that frown
And eat some Barnacle Chips today!
HEY!
AND NOW, BACK TO THE SHOW.
“Without financial support from our sponsors, Craziness With Cosmo wouldn’t be here today!” Cosmo exclaims.
Eliza, off-screen, points to her watch. She mouths the words ‘wrap it up!’
Wanda finds that insulting the mustard just isn’t as fun as teasing mayonnaise. She returns to the mayonnaise taunts. They’re more fun.
“And now, for the final part of our show… The musical performance!” Cosmo looks at a little notecard. “By… Rudy and the ChalkZone Gang, and their new song entitled… Green-Haired Nutcase. I wonder who that is!”
Rudy, Penny, and Snap run on-stage. They are dressed like people from a futuristic space movie. No reason, they just thought it’d be funny.
RUDY: We call this song… Green-Haired Nutcase.
PENNY: Dedicated to our favorite green-haired nutcase of all time!
Snap is annoying.
SNAP: I AM NOT!
Snap attacks the omniscient narrator. Rudy and Penny look at each other and shrug, before bursting into song.
RUDY: Who’s an IQ of 2, the green of the blue, idiocy’s his game-o?
PENNY: He’s a loony, a nutjob, cuckoo, crazy, lazy, spontaneous lame-o?
Somewhere in Ocean Shores, Otto Rocket is watching TV.
“THOSE SCHOOBIES TOOK MY LINGO!”
RUDY: Dumber than trees, and he smells of cheese!
PENNY: He changes heads into toilets when he should sneeze!
RUDY: His head’s been infected with a mental disease!
PENNY: You’ll find a bigger brain in a small dog’s fleas!
RUDY: C – O – S – M – O!
PENNY: And Cosmo was his name-o!
Rudy and Penny repeat the first lyrics, rhyming name-o to game-o and lame-o. Snap is still attacking me, and is seconds away from ripping off one of my vital appendages. Cosmo, still oblivious, looks unphased.
“Well, that’s all the time we have for today! Join us next week, where we turn pieces of toilet paper into deadly soap monkeys!”
The camera zooms out on Timmy, who is still trapped in a birdcage.
“LET ME OUTTA HERE!”
(Somewhere in The Deleted Files)
MEGABYTE: Ha! Ha! Ha! PTV's Plan to Entertain Kids will get them sued
Part 2
The screen flickers. First once, than twice.
We’re waiting for this show to air!
A crown, a tie, a dorky grin
His trademark spiky greenish hair!
It’s time for…
CRAZINESS WITH COSMO!!!!
We focus in on an empty room. It is disheveled, messy, and looking as if it’s just been hit by a hurricane. Actually, in reality, it is Timmy Turner’s bedroom, just like it was last week. Timmy, of course, is still trapped in the birdcage of doom. He is banging on the bars rampantly, shouting and swearing and about to blow a fuse. “COSMO! YOU’VE GONE MAD!” Unfortunately, the clueless fairy in question is floating obliviously in the corner, eyes big and bright.
“Welcome back to Craziness with Cosmo!” He exclaims, twirling his wand around like a baton. “For today’s show, we’re going to interview another Nicktoon star, listen to a special musical guest AND continue to hear Timmy flail helplessly inside an oversized birdcage!”
Timmy’s voice shakes the set. “LET ME OUT! NOW!”
Ignoring him, Cosmo continues. “Our excruciatingly small cast… my beloved Wanda, and my godson Timmy, and my… I dunno what she is… Eliza Thornberry… would like this show to be dedicated to en-smartening the younger generation of viewers. Las fresas son agradables, pero yo les muestro no misericordia!”
Wanda translates. “’The strawberries are nice, but I show them no mercy.’ Cosmo, sweetie, are you sure you got your head checked this morning-”
“Ah! The cameralady says nothing!” Cosmo whines.
Wanda growls irritably.
“Anyway…” Cosmo gets back on target. “Today’s special Nicktoon star will be…” He squints at the notecard. “…Dib?”
Dib walks inside, eye constantly twitching as he views his surroundings. The stupid fairy motions for him to take a seat in front of him. Dib does so, but not before stopping to stare at him and Wanda.
“What are you guys?!” He demands.
“Fairies!”
Dib raises an accusing finger, eyes wide. “I KNEW IT! I knew fairy godparents existed! They called me crazy, they did!” He turns to the camera. “Are you watching this, dad, Gaz? Zim!? I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! I-“
Cosmo pushes him into his seat. “We’re gonna start the interview now.”
“What interview?”
COSMO: So, Dib, have you ever been on a TV Show before?
DIB: Yep- Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery. But I got banned from making public appearances after I drove the producer insane.
COSMO: Ah. Do you have any special talents? Quirks?
DIB: Well, I’m currently the only human being smart enough to actually believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and of course, fairies-
Somewhere in Dimmsdale, Mr. Crocker is watching TV. He points, mouth agape, at Cosmo, who is on-screen, crown and all.
“FAIRY GOD-PARENTS!!!”
DIB: …but other than that, I’m pretty average.
COSMO: You forgot to mention your abnormally large head!
DIB: (angrily) My head’s not big!
COSMO: Ah, he’s in denial!
DIB: (pouts) Ask another question. I’m on a tight schedule.
COSMO: Whatever, Big-Head! (receives death glare) Erm… So, what’s your goal in life?
DIB: Well, I have quite a few… but my main objective is to prove Zim as the alien he so is.
Somewhere in who-cares-where, Zim and GIR are watching TV.
“LIES! ALL LIES!!!!” Zim shrieks.
COSMO: Do you think you can accomplish your goal?
DIB: Please. Have you seen his disguise? Sooner or later, someone will believe me. SOMEONE will realize what I’ve known all along, and-
COSMO: (sing-song voice) Someone is crazy!
DIB: (haughtily) What?!
COSMO: (singing, taunting) Crazy, crazy, crazy…
DIB: I’m not crazy! Really! Why won’t anyone believe me?!
Several men in white trench-coats solemnly march in the room, stuff Dib in a straightjacket, and throw him out in the streets, where he is morbidly attacked by rabid fangirls.
“That was fun!” Cosmo exclaims. Wanda clears her throat, kind of disturbed.
“Can we move it along, please, sweetie?’
“Oh, right!”
Cosmo glances at the to-do list.
“That’s right! We have to introduce our sponsor… the Krazy Taco!”
AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.
A spontaneous-looking dude in a taco suit blindly crashes into the screen, eyes bulging.
“Take it from me, the taco man!” He yells, one eye significantly bigger than the other. “You won’t find a crazier taco than the ones you’ll find… at the KRAZY TACO!!! Remember, our drive-thru’s open all night!!!”
He starts to pound his fist on the floor. “SWEET UNCLE JELLYBEAN, I’M CRAZY!!!”
He falls over, a useless lump.
From somewhere in the background, a crude voice-over adds to the advertisement.
“Come to the Krazy Taco today and try our amazingly limited selection! The Krazy Taco: GIR’s favorite!”
Camera zooms out on super-deformedly-cute GIR, waving at the screen, tongue hanging out, beef stains all over his robotic mouth.
“YAAAAAYYY!! TACO!!”
AND NOW, BACK TO THE SHOW.
“Now the only thing left is our musical guest!”
Cosmo checks the all-knowing notecard. “Hmmm… Rudy and his gang have the flu… the Rugrats have diaper rash… Their older versions are taking a science exam… Ginger mysteriously vanished without a trace…”
Zim bursts through the doors, panting. “I… HAVE ARRIVED!”
He marches to the stage, GIR trailing behind him.
“Eh, puddin’? What are they doing here?” Wanda whispers, worriedly.
Dib, who is still in a straightjacket (but not his trench-coat or his boots, because the rabid fangirls stole them and auctioned them off on the internet), trudges in the doorway, looking triumphant. “Admit it, Zim! You and your stupid robot sidekick don’t even have a band!”
“Yes we do! GIR! Initiate crazy heavy metal sequence number 85!”
“Yes, my master! …YAAAAAAAYYY!! HEAVY METAL SEQUENCE NUMBER 85!”
There is a blinding flash, and Zim and GIR are suddenly dressed in punkish clothing, all black with some spiked bracelets here and there. GIR has a rainbow-colored Mohawk. Zim’s clothes are baggy and he has chains hanging down from everywhere.
Dib’s eye twitches.
GIR strikes a chord on his guitar. “Tacooooooo!” He sings to the tune of the note.
Zim does the same warm-up note on his black keyboard. “Doooooooom…”
They burst into heavy metal, punkish, gothic song.
ZIM: I hate Dib, you hate Dib, he hates Dib, she hates Dib…
GIR: I like tacos!
ZIM: (horribly off-key) Who doesn’t hate Diiiiiiibb??
GIR: His head smells like a puppy!
ZIM: Dib stinks, Dib reeks, Dib’s odor stinks of a thousand stink-pigs!
GIR: Why’s his head so biggggg?
ZIM: His head, it’s enormous! I’ve seen smaller war planets!
DIB: See, he admits it! He IS an alien!
ZIM: He talks too much, he reeks, he stinks, he… he… (stuggles for another word)
GIR: I GOT A LITTLE MOOSEYYYY! (squeezes Minimoose)
While Zim, Dib and GIR fumble around on-stage, Cosmo gets a mysterious phone call….
“Hello?” Pause. “Oh, really?” Pause. “Wow.” Pause. “Well, that’s strange.”
He hangs up.
“Who was that?” Wanda inquiries.
“Jimmy Electron! The Llama Lords of Science were supposed to perform tonight.”
Wanda blinks.
“Unfortunately, they couldn’t make it, because they were too busy having fun on that random, unnamed tropical island.”
Wanda blinks again.
“By the way, sweetie, it’s Jimmy Neutron.”
“I know, lambchop… wait a minute, what?”
We zoom out on GIR, who is waving to an imprisoned Timmy.
“Can’t you get me outta here!?”
GIR stands there in silence.
“Hello!?” Timmy demands again.
This time, the robot responds. “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” It squeals, giddily.
(Somewhere In AC's Deleted Files)
MEGABYTE: Ha! Ha! Ha! PTV Never Fails to Amuse me...
Part 3
The screen flickers. First once, than twice.
We’re waiting for this show to air!
A crown, a tie, a dorky grin
His trademark spiky greenish hair!
It’s time for…
CRAZINESS WITH COSMO!!!!
We focus in on a tidy room. We see Cosmo, hair shiny, neatly-combed and gelled to perfection, with an actual talk-show-host uniform, is floating unhappily in the corner. He keeps itching at his new brownish-black cotton tie and whining incessantly to Wanda, the genius behind the new get-up.
“WANDAAA!! I can’t work like this!” He whines.
“I have mayonnaise!” Wanda yells, waving a jar of mayonnaise over her head threateningly.
We see Timmy, in the corner, still tied to the perch inside a birdcage. His face is completely red, as he has been calling for help the past seventy or so hours.
“COSMO!!!” He cries, waving his fist in the air. “WHY WON’T YOU LISTEN TO ME?!”
It’s a scene of mass chaos. Eliza Thornberry, member number four of the very small faculty, tries to calm everyone down, but she shortly becomes infatuated with a passing cockroach and stops to watch it. No one is attempting to do anything to help. Suddenly, Wanda pauses, setting down the mayonnaise.
“We’re live, you know.” She says, gazing at the camera.
“YIKES!” Cosmo fumbles with the notecard of all-knowingness, squinting to read the fine print. “Welcome to…” More squinting. “Laziness… With… Cas…mu?’
“Craziness with Cosmo!” Wanda corrects him, annoyed.
“DUH! It’s your show!” Timmy adds, taking a short break from his cries for help.
“Oh… right!”
Cosmo continues to read out loud from the notecard.
“The painfully small cast of Craziness with Cosmo goes out of their way to educate the masses! Ich habe mehrere dumme Antilopen auf meiner Stirn!”
Wanda translates, once again. “’I have several stupid antelopes on my forehead.’ Cosmo, sweetie? Are you feeling alri-“
“I’m FINE!” Cosmo snaps.
Wanda grumbles angrily.
“Anyway…” He continues. “We all know that after the introduction and the random quote in a foreign language, we interview a random nicktoon star, and ask him or her about their life!”
He pauses to hear the audience’s feedback. Since he has no audience, the only noise, of course, is a clichéd frog croaking and several crickets screeching. Cosmo tugs at his collar, nervous.
“Uh-huh… Ermm… So, please welcome today’s special Nickelodeon superstar… Reggie Rocket!”
Reggie Rocket bursts through the doorways. She has wavy purple hair, and skin tanned from hours of outdoor activity. She’s wearing dark sunglasses over her eyes, humming ‘Surf Town’ to herself as she takes a seat in front of Cosmo.
“All right, how you chillin’, Cosmo?” She asks, grinning.
“Woah, there, girl! You lost me with your hip young lingo!”
COSMO: So, Reg… What’s it like living in a seaside city?
REGGIE: It’s totally awesome! I get to hang at the Shore Shack every day, catch some waves with my buds Otto, Twist and Sammy… Shred at Madtown, and-
COSMO: (interrupting) That’s nice. Do you have any special talents?
REGGIE: Well, I’m being modest, but… (takes deep breath) here goes! Surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, roller blading, playing hockey, beach valleyball, rugby, street luge…
COSMO: (yawns) So, basically, you’re a girl of many talents.
REGGIE: (shrugs) You could say that.
COSMO: (suddenly excited) Ever eaten live worms?
REGGIE: Never, and I don’t plan to. Otto, however…
Somewhere in Ocean Shores, Otto and Twister are watching TV.
“THAT IS SUCH A LIE! I DO NOT EAT LIVE WORMS!”
Twister laughs quietly to himself. “Uh, aren’t you forgetting that one time, Otto-man, where…”
“Dude, just… SHUT UP!”
COSMO: So, basically, your brother’s a repulsive moron who never gives you the recognition you deserve?
REGGIE: Basically.
COSMO: (grins) Wow! Mine too!
WANDA: Sweetie, you don’t have a brother.
COSMO: Oh yeah… (laughs) Sorry, forgot. (turns back to Reggie) Are you or have you ever been related to a ham and cheese sandwich?
REGGIE: Uh, is it just me, or are you asking me all the stupid questions? Dib and Eliza got off without even one….
COSMO: HeyheyHEY! Who’s asking the questions here??? So, have you, or have you not?
REGGIE: We don’t even EAT ham and cheese sandwiches where I come from.
Cosmo gasps, as does Wanda and Eliza. Even Timmy stops his incessant whining to stare. Reggie glances around the room, nervously.
“Did… I say something wrong?”
Cosmo nods, angrily. “Where we come from, refusing to serve a ham and cheese sandwich is a criminal offense.”
Reggie looks devastated. “But-“
“SECURITY!” Cosmo shrieks.
The men in white trench-coats march on-stage and grab Reggie.
“Wait! What are you doing!? Oh, this is a joke! You can’t… Hey, you’re serious?! Come on… Nooo!”
Her voice echoes throughout the studio as the security guards/asylum monitors drag her away. Cosmo wipes his hands together, satisfied.
“That takes care of that!”
Wanda looks nervous. “Um… Shouldn’t you be… I don’t know… introducing our sponsors right about now?!’
“Oh, right!”
AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS.
Two three-dimensional kids sit in a room, staring at an empty table.
“This table is boring!” The first of them says.
“I know!” His friend agrees. “Almost as boring as that brick wall!”
A mysterious shadow suddenly looms above them. The two kids gaze upwards in sudden fear.
“It can’t be…”
“But it is!”
A man in a poorly-done bat costume is standing before them, waving his crudely-constructed wings in swift yet clumsily awkward up-and-down motions. The kids, however, look horrified.
“Oh no!”
“What shall we do?”
The bat descends upon them, disgustingly fake fangs gleaming in the dim light. The kids scream, covering their heads with their hands. Suddenly, the bat breaks into a happy smile.
“Hey there, kids!”
The two children gaze up at him in question.
“Are you bored?”
They nod.
“Do you want to try something new?”
They nod again, this time more enthusiastically.
“But, most importantly…” He leans in to whisper it to them. “Do you wanna barf your guts out?”
“YEAH!” The kids exclaim, energetically. The bat chuckles, before leading them out of their house and, shortly, to Retroland.
“Where are we?” One of them asks.
“We’re in Retroland!” His friend helpfully supplies. “And look, it’s… THE BAT OUTTA HECK!”
Sure enough, the ride itself stands before them. The man in the crude bat costume points to it, as it seems to glow with a heavenly (or should I say, hellishly) aura. The two kids cheer in victory, and scuttle over to the nonexistent line.
Cut to a scene of them riding the coaster. One of them hurls onto the camera screen.
“So, come ride… THE BAT OUTTA HECK… today! Guaranteed to make you puke, or your money back!”
The two children cheer again. Both are green, and clutching obviously used barf bags.
AND NOW, BACK TO THE SHOW.
Cosmo gazes at his notecard. “We still have time for our musical guest! Who shall it be today? The Llama Lords of Science? Let’s hope so!”
Somewhere on that unnamed tropical island, Jimmy is lazing around, sipping mango juice from a coconut-shaped cup.
“Ahhh… This is the life, eh, Carl?”
“I’ll say! Look! I made a sand angel!” Carl points to what is obviously his work in the sand. It’s really just a big circle.
“Eh… that’s great.”
Sheen runs over, looking triumphant.
“Guess what I did! Guess what I did!” He declares in a sing-song voice.
“What is it?” Jimmy asks, calmly.
Carl, however, erupts. “TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL MEEEEEEEEEE!!!” He shrieks towards the end, clutching his head in anguish.
“I…” Sheen points to a pile of sand behind him. “HAVE CREATED A LIFE-LIKE RENDITION OF ULTRALORD OUT OF NOTHING BUT SAND!”
Jimmy blinks. Carl sighs in relief. Sheen strides away, either to improve his creation or hit on Libby… either of the two things that would never work out.
TWITCH.
Jimmy’s eye twitches uncontrollably. It was an involuntary muscle that was driving him crazy. “CARL!” He exclaimed. “My ‘We’re supposed to be on a talk show right now’ senses are tingling!”
“Ah, it’s probably nothing, Jim.” Carl explains calmly, collapsing in the sand. “Can we eat some little weenies now?”
Back at the studio, Cosmo is still oblivious. Eliza, who eventually gave up on the cockroach after it scurried into a small hole in the wall, walks over to Cosmo and whispers something in his ear.
“Huh? …Oh.” He faces the camera. “Well, folks, since once again, the Llama Lords of Science couldn’t make it… We’re going to have to settle for… The choir of Hillwood Elementary’s fourth grade class?”
Arnold, Helga, Phoebe, Gerald, Eugene, Sheena, Sid, Curly, Rhonda, Peapod kid, Park, Nadine, and a few other random kids march on stage, before introducing themselves.
“Hi! I’m Arnold-“
A heavy truck rolls by outside. We cannot hear Arnold’s last name.
“And this is Mr. Simmons’ choir class. For tonight’s show, we made up our own song called… Death by Monkeys.”
He receives some odd looks.
“…Helga came up with that.”
The odd looks stop.
“Now listen up real carefully
It’s all real and good
Walk around, spread some sound
‘bout the crisis ‘round your neighborhood
Don’t disregard me, it’s scarily true
Very few people know what to do
When those terrible, horrible, brown and fuzzily MONKEYS ATTACK!!
They stole the mountain, and the plain!
Soon all the money to your name!
They’re rotten, horrid, drooling beasts
That regularly hold rabid feasts!
The monkeys, we just can’t deny
Don’t bother fighting, don’t even try
The monkeys, they’re unbeatable
They’re eternally undefeatable
WHEN MONKEYS…
MONKEYS…
WHEN MONKEYS ATTACK.
Soon you’ll be facing death by monkeys…”
Camera zooms out on Timmy’s window, where the show is taking place. A humanoid hand is reaching up to open the window… But it’s not that of any kid. Maybe… a primate.
Death by monkeys, death by monkeys…
(Somewhere in AC's Deleted Files)
MEGABYTE: Ha! Ha! Ha! Never in All 222 Points of this Show have I Been Amased
