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RebelTaxi Loves MADOKA MAGICA (The Disney Executive's Guide to Puella Magi)

Introduction

Greetings, And congratulations, You lucky devil! I'm an obvious parody of Jeff Probst and You have found our big multimedia presentation for this. A Prime contender for the Arch Nemesis of Toei's Pretty Cure franchise, Or "Glitter Force" for those who think Saban can find a home for the show. An essentially overnight powerhouse in terms of merchandise and fans in Japan alone, not even counting the United States of America. It has the potential to crush Toei's attempt to unleash "Glitter Force" into the world as you can obviously tell by this Graph. Madoka Magica has fans in the states, Figmas are popular and they've dubbed their first season. While Precure has it's fans, Saban is probably planning to release the 16th Pretty Cure Team stateside just like they did with Power Rangers. But what is a Puella Magi? How did they become Puella Magi? Let's hop aboard my peanut butter powered sleigh and find out.

Chapter 1: The Start of Darkness

Imagine if you will, You need a way to generate thetans out of capable lifeforms after the main thetan generating races have been dumped into a Volcano on earth to channel the souls into a x-blade which the dark lord who masterminded it all has promptly dubbed: 'Demise'. *Cue Xenu's Maniacal Laugh* All life on the planet Earth which housed the Volcanic Grave felt a sense of disturbance, since the dawn of the Earthling Man, a handful of alien species guided them along the path to prosparity dispite their fears, their anxieties, their problems, and their long-ignored grievance for the souls combined into 'Demise' in what this deal's success shall declare the second greatest act of cruelty ever performed by a Disney Villain. The universe needs Thetan energy to starve off Entropy, the heat death of the Universe and the what this deal's success shall declare the Third Greatest Act of Cruelty a Disney Villian has ever committed before or since, A highly destructive risk the cosmic overlord was more willing to take. *Cue Xenu's Maniacal Laugh* Back to you, you are derping one off to a lolicon website when in comes the Director of the project, Nagito Shinbo, alongside his longtime associate, Mr. Cold, seeing the teenaged Tikyakian girls on the screen "Brilliant!" he said! "Magical Girls are known to defy the laws of science through magics that haven't yet been analyzed! If we make a system to create such warriors of justice, We can generate plenty of thetans to keep Entropy at bay, grow a potential army to turn the tables on Xenu, and we can have pretty dudical Toy Deal while we're at it!" If it were some other donkus, You'd clear it up and keep that mess a secret but if the boss has you in his sights, Your Job and possibly your life's on the line so you nod and agree with him like a Pritch! Sounds like a lot of hoopla to go into the Arch Nemesis Franchise of PreCure, Right? *WRONG!*

Chapter 2: How does it work?

So how do contracts work, Jeff Probst is reporting live from a Dumpster to begin with our friends, the Incubators.

Thanks, Jeff. As you are indeed aware, Alot of the appeal in the Puella Magi franchise is that there arn't that many magical girl franchises like it in japan. Mainly in terms of it's creatures and the Incubators that want them done away with. Incubators have a few variable traits and varying levels of Immortality. For example Kyubey has an infinite amount of bodies while Kazumi Magica's Resident Incubator Jubey can supposedly clense the Soul Gems the Puella Magi receive after contracting with these Incubators to connect their souls to an thetan growth tracing system known as 'the network'. Incubators, in return grant a wish to the girl in question the moment they contract. You do not want your soul gem to be misplaced or flat-out broken, it is the source of your power and your connection to the network. As the pendulum ultimately swings, there must also be creatures for the puella magi to fight. The low-level mooks are called wraiths, Nightmares are more like the mid-level boss in a video game but the real pests are the Witches, for every wish granted there is a curse growing from within a corresponding 'Grief Seed' that hatches when the wish that spawned it manages to find a way to bite the poor puella in question where the sun don't shine. They come in two proverbial flavors, Strays run amok and cause chaos across the poor planet housing them, to encounter the beyond rare Converse Witches the puella wence they came must have overcome the wish's reprecussions in some way shape or form and confront the witch head-on with her powers jammed, those who come out unscathed can use the witch as a familiar or a mech-beast...thing. There's one small problem regarding the placement of the grief seed and it was possibly influenced by 'Demise' in what a green light shall call the Overall Greatest Act of Cruelty ever to have come to pass under the watchful eye of the happiest place on earth. *Cue Xenu's Maniacal Laugh* Let's just say you dont want anything to break the soul gem especially from the inside out.

Chapter 3: The Holy Quintet

Now that you know how and why the system came to be and what goes on in the life of a Puella Magi, It is now time for us to introduce you to the cast of that wonderful Show that Started it all.

We start off with Madoka Kaname, A fourteen year old girl who encounters Kyubey, a mysterious critter who works as an Incubator. After struggling to stomach the difficulties of the job she witnesses firsthand throughout the series she wishes to somehow free all Magical Girls from their suffering. However, she would be cooped up within the law of cycles for a while with no one able to remember that she even existed, Not even her loving parents or her dopey little brother, Tatsuya. She would be 'rescued' by a curious entity who controls and probably even creates stray witches. For the sake of secrecy, we shall refer to this entity as the Nothing for it is the looming shadow of hopelessness cast by 'Demise' *Cue Xenu's Maniacal Laugh*

Having seen many occasions of a magical girl biting the dust and therefore the most intelligent by a narrow landslide, Homura Akemi does Machines. I mean, having broken into Government Files and Millitary Armories so many times over that by the time she became skilled enough at Arms construction to keep up with Phineas and Ferb. Her enchanted sheild grants her the ability to pause time for a minute or two to set up her explosives and the like. Her mysterious past and her determination to protect Madoka makes her skeptical towards her making a contract and relundant to consider being a full member of the Holy Quintet. This goal of keeping Madoka safe for as long as they both shall live has lead her down a pretty dark path in the Movie titled Rebellion, allying herself with the nothing and becoming it's eyes and ears on earth. *Cue Xenu's Maniacal Laugh* Homura promised that if she does not accept the drastic measures she took to protect her in said movie, the two might end up as enemies... And that, my little executive, is terrible.

Let's move on to Sayaka Miki, Madoka's best pal, a real wisecracker, and a hot-blooded heroine type of gal. Though she's a bit impulsive, she's got a great sense of justice and a noble heart. A matyr to her 'Peter Parker' Kyousuke Kamijou. As a magical girl, swordplay is her forte, she's also packing some serious super swiftness. But there's one usually ignored but clearly noticeable design flaw in her outfit, the cape. This indicates that she's less of a 'Mary Jane' and more of a 'Gwen Stacy' in the case that she's not gonna get the guy anytime soon. It's probably for the best, since the guy would miss out on dates in favor of violin practice. *Cue Kyousuke on the Violin* You should see him on the guitar!

When the two friends met Kyubey, he was in a rather tight spot due to a witch attack among other, more raven-haired difficulties. That's when the leader of the Team, Ninth-Grader Mami Tomoe, swoops in and saves our heroes. While Homura's superior intellect is quite the boon, Mami's no slouch when it comes to tactics. Heavy Gunfire is her other one of her notable assets to the team, both in terms of her weapon of choice and her superhuman strength, she's around six times stronger than a normal human being as opposed to the typical puella's three times stronger. You could say Mami's Hard-Headed, Eh? Joking aside, if there's a problem that can endanger this incredible crew, she'll solve it no matter what. It's the least she could do for them since they are her friends and all that.

Rounding out the cast is Kyoko Sakura, often a drifter known across Japan, Kyoko Sakura has a roudy attitude and an epic appetite. Oh, and conversion of body fat into energy is another perk of being a puella.

The Proposal

Matt: Hi, We represent the Up and Coming You've Got Legs anime studio!

Miller: We're here to propose to you a Disney Infinity Animated Series!

Matt: In one Take!

Miller: In Under Five Minutes!

Matt: Starting Now!

Miller: Upon an impending Mass Media and Finantial Crash, the Muginga Corperation...

Matt: A Multimedia Corperation that has invested in Gaming, Arms and Technology Companies since the start of their BFFs at Disney.

Miller: Plans a big investment in Virtual Reality Software and Nanotechnogy, This leads up to the Disney Infinity MMO!

Matt: A special update to the Game in which you can access the largest open world ever assembled from Every Toy Box Ever connected to the Internets.

Miller: We focus on three friends, Trasme, Xandre and Narnie, Who get Playsets for themselves and in Xandre's Case, his loving family.

Matt: Aw, that's so sweet of him. Forcing his Hobby onto other people!

Miller: After a Medical Examination that apperantly was required for the Game and it's Virtual Reality Neropod...

Matt: A sort of bed like contraption that can connect to your original body and can be loaded onto Trucks ala the Droid Transport from the Star Wars Prequels.

Miller: They put their Custom 3D-Printed Avatar Figurines onto the Infinity base and engage in the funtimes to come!

Matt: Maybe this information could be helpful to you in the future when you make the MMO a Reality!

Miller: They meet up with their friends at Team Infinity-Gurren; an Anime Club that has stuck together from Grade School all the way into College.

Matt: Growing up on Japanese Animation, That is the Way Team Infinity-Gurren Rolls!

Miller: And they meet a Badass Young Lady of Seventeen Years Old named Sekai Montague, She's the Personification of Non-Sequitur Playtime that ensues with Kids of all Ages!

Matt: So she can be a Beautiful Damsel one Minute and then a Heroic Amazon the Next?

Miller: Of Course! There's even an unknown past to her, she's even animated by hand whereas the Usual Cast of Characters from the Disney Characters to the Virtual Avatars are animated in Either Miku Miku Dance or Source Filmmaker, Whatever works best.

Matt: It's safe to say you're gonna go for Source due to Valve's Steam Technology.

Miller: When they try to log out into reality only to find that the Logout Function is not on the Menu!

Matt: That sounds familiar.

Miller: That's when the King of the game's Hubworld 'digitally' summons forth Our Heroes, Xandre's Clan, Team Infinity-Gurren and the rest of the 13,000,000 Buyers and cooresponding plus ones of the Carbon-Based copies of the Online Shop-Exclusive Playsets based on Disney Parks and Resorts.

Matt: Obviously another Idea for the Real Life MMO...

Miller: There they realise that for buying the MMO, they have applied to be evacuated from the Planet Earth through aformentioned Disney Parks...

Matt: Litteraly reworked for space travel courdacy of Muginga.

Miller: ...to escape the upcoming finantial crisis that might ensue back home due to the Wars, Pollution and Downright Corporate Stupidity!

Matt: Lookin' at you, Potential Perchase Capcom!

Miller: Also the King warns the players about Viruses that Perma-Kill you both in the Game and by vaporizing the Player Biomass on a Certain Vessel.

Matt: I think I've seen this Before.

Miller: The Last thing the King does is tell them to access a gift he had inserted into their inventory called a mirror.alude

Matt: Yeah, the name of the item comes before the dot which is classified by certain class of item after said dot.

Miller: It incases the players' Avatars in Bubbles while images of their real world selves are projected by their temporarally disembodied souls.

Matt: I think that show was on Toonami.

Miller: There are surprises aplenty ranging from Petty things like Opposite Gender Masqurade or Age Differences between Player and Avatar to Big Reveals that some characters are merely self-programmed AIs or that some Players are have been using a .alude item at the same time.

Matt: some '.' items react to other types of '.' items including when types are the same. In this case, A newly activated .alude and a consistantly projected .alude can cancel each other out, Get it Memorized!

Miller: And that is the Case for Big T, he was using a mask.alude to hide his prosthetic right arm! Prompting people to spout the line

Matt: It's like that anime I watch on Toonami. You are the Fullmetal-The Fullmetal Alchemist!

Miller: The Last thing this episode reveals right before the line is that Sekai is neither an Ai nor a Player. Who is she?

Matt: We have no Idea!

Miller: And Speaking of Toonami, We want you to air the dang thing right there on the Block because let's face it. We all know how Disney XD treats Action Cartoons like Motorcity that arn't based on Marvel Comics.

Matt: And even then, They're not even pure action cartoons, they're drowned in Ill-conceived Comedy so what is the Point?

Miller: