Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium: a tale/2/2

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	==Chapter 6: Human forms galore==		==Chapter 6: Human forms galore==
-	[http://puppyluver.deviantart.com/art/Weirdies-ch6-79405137 Link]	+	The group, who I will refer to from now on as “Weirdies”, happily ate pizza at the Renaissance-named pizzeria. Suddenly, Maddie got an idea. “How about when we finish our meals, we go head out to Club Sugar, and get our groove on?” she asked the others.
		+
		+	Jess immediately agreed, but Mikey was extremely hesitant. “Um... no. I... I just--I can't dance,” he said sheepishly.
		+
		+	“Don’t worry, Mikey,” Maddie told Mikey. “I'm sure 9Volt and 18Volt could use some help at the turntables.”
		+
		+	Mikey brightened up at that statement. “Okay!” he said. “The music part I'm good at, it's the feet part where I fail.”
		+
		+	Jess smiled. “Great. Let's just hope I don't fall over again.”
		+
		+	“Don’t worry, the floor’s really soft,” Maddie replied. “But, I think we should go to the thrift store first, to get some more disco-like duds.”
		+
		+	Dimentio almost did a spit-take at this. “Thrift store? Where it smells like grammas?” He shook his head in defiance. “Uh, no thank you very much indeed. I'll just wear these clothes I found laying around in Dimension D that look like Ziggy Stardust's outfit.” He warped out of the pizzeria, presumably to Dimension D to retrieve the outfit.
		+
		+	Jess shrugged. “Whatever,” she said. “I don't mind shopping at thrift stores. I got part of a Halloween costume at Goodwill once.”
		+
		+	“Alright!” Maddie cheered. They paid for their food and left for the thrift store. “I like this thrift store,” Maddie said when they arrived. “They have some really cool costumes here. I'm sure we can find a cool disco one for the four of us, since Dimmie's wearing his own.”
		+
		+	“Okay!” Jess began sifting through the various outfits and costumes. “Hey, lookit this,” she said, holding up a duck costume. “I could go as Elton John!” She laughed, then put the duck costume back. “I kid, I’m not the duckie girl.”
		+
		+	Maddie giggled as she searched through the piles of pants. “Ooh, these pants have a pretty print on them,” she said finally. “I think these could work.”
		+
		+	“Cool.” Jess had also found a good pair of pants, one with sparkles on the legs.
		+
		+	“Those are pretty!” Maddie said. She turned to the dressing rooms. “Hey, Zoot! How are you doing?”
		+
		+	“Almost ready!” Zoot called out. A few seconds later, he came out in a pale blue long sleeve collared shirt, brown pants, black shoes, and a ruby sparkly newsboy cap. Maddie had to shield her eyes from the blinding charisma. Jess gave him a thumbs up, then found a hat that looked like the flower from the head of a Vileplume.
		+
		+	“I wonder how Mikey’s doing,” Maddie thought aloud.
		+
		+	“He’s getting his shell painted.” As a Wartortle’s shell could function as clothing along with defensive purposes, Mikey had no need of true “clothes”. He was busy having disco-esque designed painted onto his shell by a random turtle-painting artist.
		+
		+	“Sweet!” Maddie exclaimed. “I'm almost ready, just have to find the right hat.”
		+
		+	“Okay,” Jess replied. “I just need to find a shirt. I'll just wear the shoes I've already got...” She pointed to her shoes, a recently purchased pair of knock-off Crocs. “For an anachronism effect.” She searched through a pile of shirts.
		+
		+	“What about this one?” Maddie held up a frilly white shirt with silver sequins. Jess must have liked it, because she snatched it from Maddie’s hands as soon as she saw it. “I just need the perfect hat,” Maddie said as she rummaged around in the hat basket. She soon found one that looked like something a sergeant would wear. “Do you think this military one would work?” she asked.
		+
		+	“Sure,” Jess responded, giving the thumbs up.
		+
		+	“Alright!” Maddie exclaimed as soon as they had found the clothes they wanted. “Now, we just need to buy these, and then we can get our groove on!”
		+
		+	A pained expression suddenly crossed Jess’s face. “Uhh... problem with that...”
		+
		+	“What?”
		+
		+	“I GOT NO MONEYS.”
		+
		+	Maddie smiled. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I've got plenty of coins, with tons to spare.” Jess sighed in relief, then they(meaning Maddie) paid for the clothes. “Now, let's head back to the hotel, change into these outfits, and get to the dancin'!” Maddie declared. “To Hotel Diamond!”
		+
		+	“For glory! For gold!” Jess shouted. “I totally had an El Dorado moment there.”
		+
		+	Maddie laughed. She turned to Zoot, who was staring at some graffiti. “Zoot, quit starin' at that graffiti,” she told him. “We need to get back to our room so we can be ready for dancing!”
		+
		+	“That graffiti looks familiar,” Jess pointed out. The graffiti consisted of an image of a badly drawn dragon with the text “TROGDOR the BURNiNATOR was here”.
		+
		+	“I have a feeling that a certain wrestleman is also here.”
		+
		+	“We'll worry about that one later. Let's just go get changed now.”
		+
		+	“Okay.” They arrived back at the hotel, where they went to their room on the second floor to change. Maddie called first dibs on the bathroom.
		+
		+	“Ha HA, I have no need of the bathroom~!” Jess laughed. She snapped her fingers and in an instant, her T-shirt and recently torn jeans(from the fall near Mona Pizza, remember?) changed into the frilly sequined shirt and sparkly pants. The Vileplume hat appeared on her head. “A little something I picked up from Dimentio,” she said with false modesty.
		+
		+	“Oh, so you're stealing my trick now, are you???” Dimentio stormed in, wearing the outfit that he usually donned for his alter ego, Dimmy Starburst. However, as he was high on caffeine each time he changed into this Ziggy Stardust-like persona, he had no memories of ever doing such a thing. Let’s keep it that way, shall we?
		+
		+	“Yes,” Jess replied. “Hey, I'm a shapeshifter, I don't have any original tricks.”
		+
		+	Maddie clapped for Jess. “Cool! Both the trick, and the outfit!”
		+
		+	Jess took an exaggerated bow. “Thank you!” she cried. “You will notice my shoes did not change.” She was still wearing her knock-off Crocs. “Even if I was gonna change my shoes, I just can't do shoes yet.”
		+
		+	“But I can!” Dimentio gloated. “Ah ha ha ha! You haven't completely copied my style yet!”
		+
		+	“Oh shut up, skirt boy.”
		+
		+	Maddie laughed again. “Okay, if everyone's ready, we can head down to Club Sugar,” she said.
		+
		+	“Okay, let’s go!”
		+
		+	-----------------
		+
		+	“Aw, yeah! Welcome to Club Sugar, only the coolest spot in the entire town!”
		+
		+	Jimmy T, the stuck-in-the-70s dancing man with the blue afro, greeted the Weirdies at the club’s entrance.
		+
		+	“Hey, Jimmy,” Maddie said to the disco dork.
		+
		+	“What it is, my doge?” Zoot said.
		+
		+	Jess stared at everything in the entire club. “Wowthisplaceissocool~!” she screamed in delight.
		+
		+	“Meh, I’ve seen better,” Dimentio said. Jess hit him. “Be polite!” she told him.
		+
		+	Meanwhile, the local Nintendo fanboys 9Volt and 18Volt were setting up the DJ station. They were checking off everything they had ready. “Okay, we have the turntables...” the smaller one, 9Volt, said.
		+
		+	“Word,” the taller 18Volt replied.
		+
		+	“The crowd...”
		+
		+	“Word.”
		+
		+	“And the special effects.”
		+
		+	“Word.”
		+
		+	“But, I feel like I'm missing something...”
		+
		+	At that moment, Mikey poked his head over the turntables to look at the Nintendorks. “Hey, guys. Whatcha doin’?” he asked. 9Volt shouted in excitement. “What?”
		+
		+	“I-I must be dreaming!” 9Volt exclaimed. “A real live Pokémon!” Then he fainted.
		+
		+	“Oh gawd. I just killed a kid.” Mikey looked around. No one had seen the incident, so he slowly backed away from 9Volt while humming “Get Off Of My Cloud” by the Rolling Stones under his breath. When Mikey had gotten far enough away, 9Volt woke up. “I’m up!” he said. “Where’s the talking Pokémon?!?!”
		+
		+	“You really need to calm down,” Kat, a five-year-old ninja, told him. “What kind of Pokémon was it?”
		+
		+	“A Wartortle!”
		+
		+	“You mean the turtle?”
		+
		+	“Yep.”
		+
		+	“COME HERE POKÉMON!!!!!!!” they both shouted. Meanwhile, a white alien named Orbulon was watching the scene in confusion/exasperation. “I can barely understand these humans at times,” he said to himself. “They can be so weird.”
		+
		+	Meanwhile, Jess was watching the scene play out. “Crap on a cracker, they’re after Mikey!!” she cried. “Time to resort to drastic measures!” Thinking quickly, she snapped her fingers and shot a string of pink energy at Mikey. It turned blue as soon as it hit his shell and caused him to glow. His limbs expanded, his torso narrowed slightly and his tail disappeared. When the light subsided, he was no longer a Wartortle. Mikey was now purely human. “Yipe! Where's my shell????? I feel naked!!!” he screamed.
		+
		+	“I turned you human for a while for your own protection,” Jess said to the former Wartortle. “C'mon, I'll help you up.”
		+
		+	“But I feel so exposed without my shell...”
		+
		+	“That's why I gave you clothes, d00fus.” Mikey’s human form came with a Wartortle-themed disco outfit. He was less than pleased. “”I’m not wearing this,” he said firmly.
		+
		+	“Okay,” Jess smiled evilly. “You can go streakin’ then.”
		+
		+	“On second thought, the, um, the fabric is quite comfy...”
		+
		+	9Volt and Kat weren’t too happy with Mikey’s transformation, either. “Aw, man, the Wartortle's not a Wartortle anymore,” 9Volt moaned. “Oh well, better head back to my turntables.”
		+
		+	“No turtle?” Kat whined. “Well, better find Ana.”
		+
		+	Zoot was amazed at Jess’s newly revealed power. “THAT WAS AWESOME! MAKE ME HUMAN! MAKE ME HUMAN!” he cried. Jess shot the same pink energy at Zoot, which also turned blue when it hit him. His proportions were already much like those of a human, so all that really happened was he grew a few feet. His aqua green skin turned a peachy flesh color and he grew an extra finger on each hand. “YAY! I'M GONNA DO SO MANY THINGS!” the now-humany Zoot exclaimed. “I'M GONNA OVERDOSE ON SUGAR, I'M GONNA STEAL THE BUS, I'M GONNA—”
		+
		+	“Sleep.” Maddie pressed her hand against Zoot’s forehead, making him fall asleep.
		+
		+	Meanwhile, Dimentio had made his way over to the turntables. “Man! Today HAS to be my lucky day!” 9Volt exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. “First a Wartortle, and now one of the Super Paper Mario villains! I mean, this is so cool!”
		+
		+	“Uh, yeah, sure, whatever,” Dimentio replied. “Say, do you think you could play a special song for me?”
		+
		+	“Anything for someone from Nintendo!” 9Volt then spoke into the microphone. “People, we've got a request!” he said to the dancers.
		+
		+	Dimentio handed 9Volt a copy of “Rock On 1983”. “It's the first one on there,” he told the Nintendo fanboy.
		+
		+	“Okay! Anything for you! Unless, of course, if it has to do with Floro Sprouts.” 9Volt put the CD in the player and every nook and cranny of Club Sugar was soon filled with Bowie goodness. “Okay! Now, here's our request! It's called "Let's Dance"!”
		+
		+	Let's dance!
		+	Put on your red shoes and dance the blues
		+
		+	Let's dance to the song
		+	they're playin' on the radio
		+
		+	Let's sway
		+	while color lights up your face
		+	Let's sway
		+	sway through the crowd to an empty space
		+
		+	If you say run, I'll run with you
		+	If you say hide, we'll hide
		+	Because my love for you
		+	Would break my heart in two
		+	If you should fall
		+	Into my arms
		+	And tremble like a flower
		+
		+	Let's dance for fear
		+	your grace should fall
		+	Let's dance for fear tonight is all
		+
		+	Let's sway you could look into my eyes
		+	Let's sway under the moonlight,
		+	this serious moonlight
		+
		+	If you say run, I'll run with you
		+	If you say hide, we'll hide
		+	Because my love for you
		+	Would break my heart in two
		+	If you should fall
		+	Into my arms
		+	And tremble like a flower
		+
		+	Let's dance put on your red shoes
		+	and dance the blues
		+
		+	Let's dance to the song
		+	they're playin' on the radio
		+
		+	Let's sway you could look into my eyes
		+	Let's sway under the moonlight,
		+	this serious moonlight
		+
		+	When the song was over, everyone applauded because of the great dancing everyone had done. Jimmy T had, of course, danced better than everyone, though Dimentio’s Bowie-obsession has brought him to a close second. However, it wasn’t a contest, so whatev. “That was awesome!” 9Volt cheered happily. “I can't believe I played a request for a Nintendo character!”
		+
		+	Dimentio gave 9Volt the thumbs-up. “Thanks, kid!” he told him.
		+
		+	“No problem!” 9Volt replied. “Can I get your autograph?”
		+
		+	Dimentio thought about it for a bit. “Hmm, I hardly ever give autographs,” he said. “But since you did a favor for me, I'll make an exception.” He took out a piece of paper, signed it and gave it to 9Volt, who was so overcome with joy that he fainted. “Crap on a cracker, now I killed the kid.” He slowly backed away from 9Volt while softly humming “Ashes to Ashes” by David Bowie(of course).
		+
		+	“I've never been happier in my life...” a dazed 9Volt said.
		+
		+	“Word.”
		+
	==Chapter 7: ???==		==Chapter 7: ???==
		+	The Weirdies were getting their groove on down at Club Sugar when Jess started to get a little tired of dancing. “Okay, now what?” she asked.
		+
		+	“We... go see Dribble and Spitz?” Maddie suggested. Jess thought that was a good idea. So they dragged Zoot, Mikey and Dimentio by their collars. “What a drag, huh?” Mikey joked. Dimentio just rolled his eyes. Eventually they made it to Diamond Taxi.
		+
		+	“Okay, here's Diamond Taxi,” Maddie said. “This is where they work.”
		+
		+	“Cool.” Jess smiled.
		+
		+	Maddie knocked on the door. “Dribble! Spitz! You two in there?” she called out.
		+
		+	Jess surveyed the scene. There seemed to be a funky air around it, and I’m not talking about the one Mikey cut. “Something doesn't seem right about this,” she thought aloud.
		+
		+	“Yeah... normally they're outside, fixin' up their cab, with the radio blarin'. This is weird. I've never seen them inside here before...” Maddie had a scared expression on her face.
		+
		+	“Maybe...” Jess said. “Maybe somebody... STOLE THEM.”
		+
		+	Maddie screamed. “Aliens must have attacked!” she cried. “Well, I know it couldn't be Orbulon. He's a good alien, and he lives here.”
		+
		+	“So what could have happened???”
		+
		+	“I don't know, but this is serious! We need help!” Maddie exclaimed. “I mean, their cab's still here, so they couldn't of took it into space. This is bad. Real bad.”
		+
		+	Jess turned to an invisible audience. “You heard it, folks. This is bad,” she told them. “Now might be a good time to go get some popcorn or something while we think of a plan. Go on, shoo.” A small red light started shining itself in her right eye. “And you with the laser pointer, quit that. You're blinding me!”
		+
		+	“Ooh, my lazow makes the chawacters talk to me,” Homestar Runner, who was in the audience, marveled at his discovery.
		+
		+	Meanwhile, back inside the fourth wall, Maddie got a brilliant idea. “I know! To make it easier on us, we need to humanize the entire population!” she suggested.
		+
		+	“Well, there's already a handful of humans here, that'll make it a bit easier,” Jess said. “But how many non-humans live here?”
		+
		+	Maddie did some quick math in her head. “Including Dribble and Spitz, that's seven,” she replied. “But since they aren't here, that would make it only five.”
		+
		+	“Okay, that makes it a lot easier.” Jess closed her eyes in concentration. She then let loose five of the same energy beams she had used on Mikey and Zoot, which made their way to the non-human characters in Diamond City, turning a different color for each one they hit. “More humany magic!” Zoot exclaimed.
		+
		+	A person with pointed ears and no nose stepped out of a silver light. He looked somewhat like Orbulon, with the long cape, cleated boots and opaque sunglasses. He also looked very confused. “Maddie, what's going on? I'm not an alien anymore!” the now-somewhat human Orbulon exclaimed. “I mean, I still have my IQ of 300, but I'm younger, and I speak English better. What's going on?”
		+
		+	“All in a day’s work for... PUPPYLUVER!” Jess exclaimed. A fanfare played from nowhere. “Okay, now what?”
		+
		+	“We go find Dribble and Spitz?” Maddie suggested.
		+
		+	Jess smiled. “Okay!”
		+
		+	“First, we need Orbulon's ship.” Maddie turned to the changed alien. “Do you mind, Orby?”
		+
		+	“Go ahead and use it. The only thing I'll need is to go with you,” Orbulon replied.
		+
		+	Jess, meanwhile, was geeking out. “Cool, a spaceship,” she said, sparkles in her eyes.
		+
		+	“It’s called the Oinker,” Maddie said. “It’s shaped like a piggy!” Jess squealed in excitement. Moments later, Maddie, Jess and Orbulon were all in the Oinker, which was prepared to take off. “And, we're off!” Maddie exclaimed, hitting the launch button. “Wheeeeeee~!” shouted Jess.
		+
		+	“Okay, you remember how to use this thing, right?” Orbulon asked Maddie. She nodded.
		+
		+	“Use what thing?”
		+
		+	“The controls. I once crashed this thing,” Maddie explained. “Well, at least Orby likes to put it that way. A meteor actually hit it.”
		+
		+	“Oh.” Jess laughed inside. She has used the same type of excuse when her alien boyfriend had accidentally crashed her dad’s pickup truck, so she understood. Then she noticed a bright red button. “Ooh, what’s this button do?” she asked, pointing at it as if about to push it.
		+
		+	“That's the button for shooting the missiles,” Orbulon said. “I never really use it.”
		+
		+	“Okay.” Jess drew her tempted hand back, far away from the missile button. Just then, she heard something rummaging around in her purse. “Hey... something's rummaging around in my purse...” she said, and went to investigate. Inside was the same guinea pig that she had put on Dimentio’s face(see chapter 4). “We got a stowaway! How'd you get in there, sweetheart?”
		+
		+	“Mommy!” squealed Fluffernut. “I found you~!”
		+
		+	Maddie smiled. “How cute!” she exclaimed.
		+
		+	“Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!” Orbulon shouted.
		+
		+	“What road?” Jess asked. “We're in space! ... Aren't we?”
		+
		+	Orbulon thought on that. “Gee, I guess I still have my alien vision,” he replied.
		+
		+	“Guess you do.” Jess turned to Fluffernut. “Now... Fluffy, what are you doing in Mommy's purse?” she asked her guinea pig.
		+
		+	“I was looking for you, Mommy,” Fluffernut replied. “I missed you.” Jess blushed. Maddie smiled again, though Orbulon had to ruin the moment. “Maddie, what did I say about keeping your eyes on the road?”
		+
		+	“And again, I say what ro-- oh wait, I got aura vision.” Jess’s eyes began to glow a pinkish color as she looked out the window of the Oinker. “I can see a path of some kind... 'zat the road you're talking about?” she asked. Maddie nodded. At this point, Dimentio, Mikey and Zoot appeared in the Oinker due to Dimentio’s warping ability. “See, guys, I told you it would work.” he told them.
		+
		+	“Jess! Why'd you two leave us behind?!!” Mikey asked, dazed.
		+
		+	“Maddie!” Zoot exclaimed. “Why did you do that?”
		+
		+	“I tried to get you to pay attention, but you kept staring at that Trogdor graffiti,” Maddie replied.
		+
		+	Dimentio glanced around and, unfortunately, laid eyes upon Fluffernut. “It's the rodent of eternal shed!” he cried.
		+
		+	Fluffernut wasn’t exactly happy to see Dimentio, either. “It's that guy who tried to blow up the universe!” she squealed. “I saw you do it! You bad man, you!”
		+
		+	Maddie gasped. “Dimmie, you didn't!”
		+
		+	“I hate to ruin this but, EYES ON THE ROAD!”
		+
		+	“Okay, Dimentio, nap time.” Jess hit Dimentio over the head with her fist, knocking him out. “Fluffy, don't give out SPM spoilers” she told Fluffernut, who didn’t quite understand.
		+
		+	“Wait, she knows about SPM?” Maddie asked before being nagged once again by the extraterrestrial backseat driver.
		+
		+	“Of course,” Jess replied. “She lives in my room. Coincidentally, that's where I play all my console video games.”
		+
		+	“Cool!”
		+
		+	They went on for a few more space miles. “Okay, this is probably where Dribble and Spitz are,” Orbulon finally told Maddie. “Take us down nice and easy.” She took the Oinker down for a landing, but it wasn’t exactly what you’d call nice and easy. “You call that a soft landing?”
		+
		+	“Well, when you were in the chair, you didn't press the stoppy-thing!” Zoot exclaimed.
		+
		+	Orbulon rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. “It's called a brake, stupid,” he told the Muppet saxophonist. Jess giggled again.
		+
		+	“Hey, the guy's a Muppet,” Mikey said plainly. “Give him a break, will ya?”
		+
		+	After they had gotten that settled, the Weirdies(with the addition of Orbulon) exited the Oinker to search for Dribble and Spitz on this strange planet...

---

Current revision as of 14:32, 24 August 2008

[edit] Chapter 6: Human forms galore

The group, who I will refer to from now on as “Weirdies”, happily ate pizza at the Renaissance-named pizzeria. Suddenly, Maddie got an idea. “How about when we finish our meals, we go head out to Club Sugar, and get our groove on?” she asked the others.

Jess immediately agreed, but Mikey was extremely hesitant. “Um... no. I... I just--I can't dance,” he said sheepishly.

“Don’t worry, Mikey,” Maddie told Mikey. “I'm sure 9Volt and 18Volt could use some help at the turntables.”

Mikey brightened up at that statement. “Okay!” he said. “The music part I'm good at, it's the feet part where I fail.”

Jess smiled. “Great. Let's just hope I don't fall over again.”

“Don’t worry, the floor’s really soft,” Maddie replied. “But, I think we should go to the thrift store first, to get some more disco-like duds.”

Dimentio almost did a spit-take at this. “Thrift store? Where it smells like grammas?” He shook his head in defiance. “Uh, no thank you very much indeed. I'll just wear these clothes I found laying around in Dimension D that look like Ziggy Stardust's outfit.” He warped out of the pizzeria, presumably to Dimension D to retrieve the outfit.

Jess shrugged. “Whatever,” she said. “I don't mind shopping at thrift stores. I got part of a Halloween costume at Goodwill once.”

“Alright!” Maddie cheered. They paid for their food and left for the thrift store. “I like this thrift store,” Maddie said when they arrived. “They have some really cool costumes here. I'm sure we can find a cool disco one for the four of us, since Dimmie's wearing his own.”

“Okay!” Jess began sifting through the various outfits and costumes. “Hey, lookit this,” she said, holding up a duck costume. “I could go as Elton John!” She laughed, then put the duck costume back. “I kid, I’m not the duckie girl.”

Maddie giggled as she searched through the piles of pants. “Ooh, these pants have a pretty print on them,” she said finally. “I think these could work.”

“Cool.” Jess had also found a good pair of pants, one with sparkles on the legs.

“Those are pretty!” Maddie said. She turned to the dressing rooms. “Hey, Zoot! How are you doing?”

“Almost ready!” Zoot called out. A few seconds later, he came out in a pale blue long sleeve collared shirt, brown pants, black shoes, and a ruby sparkly newsboy cap. Maddie had to shield her eyes from the blinding charisma. Jess gave him a thumbs up, then found a hat that looked like the flower from the head of a Vileplume.

“I wonder how Mikey’s doing,” Maddie thought aloud.

“He’s getting his shell painted.” As a Wartortle’s shell could function as clothing along with defensive purposes, Mikey had no need of true “clothes”. He was busy having disco-esque designed painted onto his shell by a random turtle-painting artist.

“Sweet!” Maddie exclaimed. “I'm almost ready, just have to find the right hat.”

“Okay,” Jess replied. “I just need to find a shirt. I'll just wear the shoes I've already got...” She pointed to her shoes, a recently purchased pair of knock-off Crocs. “For an anachronism effect.” She searched through a pile of shirts.

“What about this one?” Maddie held up a frilly white shirt with silver sequins. Jess must have liked it, because she snatched it from Maddie’s hands as soon as she saw it. “I just need the perfect hat,” Maddie said as she rummaged around in the hat basket. She soon found one that looked like something a sergeant would wear. “Do you think this military one would work?” she asked.

“Sure,” Jess responded, giving the thumbs up.

“Alright!” Maddie exclaimed as soon as they had found the clothes they wanted. “Now, we just need to buy these, and then we can get our groove on!”

A pained expression suddenly crossed Jess’s face. “Uhh... problem with that...”

“What?”

“I GOT NO MONEYS.”

Maddie smiled. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I've got plenty of coins, with tons to spare.” Jess sighed in relief, then they(meaning Maddie) paid for the clothes. “Now, let's head back to the hotel, change into these outfits, and get to the dancin'!” Maddie declared. “To Hotel Diamond!”

“For glory! For gold!” Jess shouted. “I totally had an El Dorado moment there.”

Maddie laughed. She turned to Zoot, who was staring at some graffiti. “Zoot, quit starin' at that graffiti,” she told him. “We need to get back to our room so we can be ready for dancing!”

“That graffiti looks familiar,” Jess pointed out. The graffiti consisted of an image of a badly drawn dragon with the text “TROGDOR the BURNiNATOR was here”.

“I have a feeling that a certain wrestleman is also here.”

“We'll worry about that one later. Let's just go get changed now.”

“Okay.” They arrived back at the hotel, where they went to their room on the second floor to change. Maddie called first dibs on the bathroom.

“Ha HA, I have no need of the bathroom~!” Jess laughed. She snapped her fingers and in an instant, her T-shirt and recently torn jeans(from the fall near Mona Pizza, remember?) changed into the frilly sequined shirt and sparkly pants. The Vileplume hat appeared on her head. “A little something I picked up from Dimentio,” she said with false modesty.

“Oh, so you're stealing my trick now, are you???” Dimentio stormed in, wearing the outfit that he usually donned for his alter ego, Dimmy Starburst. However, as he was high on caffeine each time he changed into this Ziggy Stardust-like persona, he had no memories of ever doing such a thing. Let’s keep it that way, shall we?

“Yes,” Jess replied. “Hey, I'm a shapeshifter, I don't have any original tricks.”

Maddie clapped for Jess. “Cool! Both the trick, and the outfit!”

Jess took an exaggerated bow. “Thank you!” she cried. “You will notice my shoes did not change.” She was still wearing her knock-off Crocs. “Even if I was gonna change my shoes, I just can't do shoes yet.”

“But I can!” Dimentio gloated. “Ah ha ha ha! You haven't completely copied my style yet!”

“Oh shut up, skirt boy.”

Maddie laughed again. “Okay, if everyone's ready, we can head down to Club Sugar,” she said.

“Okay, let’s go!”

---

“Aw, yeah! Welcome to Club Sugar, only the coolest spot in the entire town!”

Jimmy T, the stuck-in-the-70s dancing man with the blue afro, greeted the Weirdies at the club’s entrance.

“Hey, Jimmy,” Maddie said to the disco dork.

“What it is, my doge?” Zoot said.

Jess stared at everything in the entire club. “Wowthisplaceissocool~!” she screamed in delight.

“Meh, I’ve seen better,” Dimentio said. Jess hit him. “Be polite!” she told him.

Meanwhile, the local Nintendo fanboys 9Volt and 18Volt were setting up the DJ station. They were checking off everything they had ready. “Okay, we have the turntables...” the smaller one, 9Volt, said.

“Word,” the taller 18Volt replied.

“The crowd...”

“Word.”

“And the special effects.”

“Word.”

“But, I feel like I'm missing something...”

At that moment, Mikey poked his head over the turntables to look at the Nintendorks. “Hey, guys. Whatcha doin’?” he asked. 9Volt shouted in excitement. “What?”

“I-I must be dreaming!” 9Volt exclaimed. “A real live Pokémon!” Then he fainted.

“Oh gawd. I just killed a kid.” Mikey looked around. No one had seen the incident, so he slowly backed away from 9Volt while humming “Get Off Of My Cloud” by the Rolling Stones under his breath. When Mikey had gotten far enough away, 9Volt woke up. “I’m up!” he said. “Where’s the talking Pokémon?!?!”

“You really need to calm down,” Kat, a five-year-old ninja, told him. “What kind of Pokémon was it?”

“A Wartortle!”

“You mean the turtle?”

“Yep.”

“COME HERE POKÉMON!!!!!!!” they both shouted. Meanwhile, a white alien named Orbulon was watching the scene in confusion/exasperation. “I can barely understand these humans at times,” he said to himself. “They can be so weird.”

Meanwhile, Jess was watching the scene play out. “Crap on a cracker, they’re after Mikey!!” she cried. “Time to resort to drastic measures!” Thinking quickly, she snapped her fingers and shot a string of pink energy at Mikey. It turned blue as soon as it hit his shell and caused him to glow. His limbs expanded, his torso narrowed slightly and his tail disappeared. When the light subsided, he was no longer a Wartortle. Mikey was now purely human. “Yipe! Where's my shell????? I feel naked!!!” he screamed.

“I turned you human for a while for your own protection,” Jess said to the former Wartortle. “C'mon, I'll help you up.”

“But I feel so exposed without my shell...”

“That's why I gave you clothes, d00fus.” Mikey’s human form came with a Wartortle-themed disco outfit. He was less than pleased. “”I’m not wearing this,” he said firmly.

“Okay,” Jess smiled evilly. “You can go streakin’ then.”

“On second thought, the, um, the fabric is quite comfy...”

9Volt and Kat weren’t too happy with Mikey’s transformation, either. “Aw, man, the Wartortle's not a Wartortle anymore,” 9Volt moaned. “Oh well, better head back to my turntables.”

“No turtle?” Kat whined. “Well, better find Ana.”

Zoot was amazed at Jess’s newly revealed power. “THAT WAS AWESOME! MAKE ME HUMAN! MAKE ME HUMAN!” he cried. Jess shot the same pink energy at Zoot, which also turned blue when it hit him. His proportions were already much like those of a human, so all that really happened was he grew a few feet. His aqua green skin turned a peachy flesh color and he grew an extra finger on each hand. “YAY! I'M GONNA DO SO MANY THINGS!” the now-humany Zoot exclaimed. “I'M GONNA OVERDOSE ON SUGAR, I'M GONNA STEAL THE BUS, I'M GONNA—”

“Sleep.” Maddie pressed her hand against Zoot’s forehead, making him fall asleep.

Meanwhile, Dimentio had made his way over to the turntables. “Man! Today HAS to be my lucky day!” 9Volt exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. “First a Wartortle, and now one of the Super Paper Mario villains! I mean, this is so cool!”

“Uh, yeah, sure, whatever,” Dimentio replied. “Say, do you think you could play a special song for me?”

“Anything for someone from Nintendo!” 9Volt then spoke into the microphone. “People, we've got a request!” he said to the dancers.

Dimentio handed 9Volt a copy of “Rock On 1983”. “It's the first one on there,” he told the Nintendo fanboy.

“Okay! Anything for you! Unless, of course, if it has to do with Floro Sprouts.” 9Volt put the CD in the player and every nook and cranny of Club Sugar was soon filled with Bowie goodness. “Okay! Now, here's our request! It's called "Let's Dance"!”

Let's dance! Put on your red shoes and dance the blues

Let's dance to the song they're playin' on the radio

Let's sway while color lights up your face Let's sway sway through the crowd to an empty space

If you say run, I'll run with you If you say hide, we'll hide Because my love for you Would break my heart in two If you should fall Into my arms And tremble like a flower

Let's dance for fear your grace should fall Let's dance for fear tonight is all

Let's sway you could look into my eyes Let's sway under the moonlight, this serious moonlight

If you say run, I'll run with you If you say hide, we'll hide Because my love for you Would break my heart in two If you should fall Into my arms And tremble like a flower

Let's dance put on your red shoes and dance the blues

Let's dance to the song they're playin' on the radio

Let's sway you could look into my eyes Let's sway under the moonlight, this serious moonlight

When the song was over, everyone applauded because of the great dancing everyone had done. Jimmy T had, of course, danced better than everyone, though Dimentio’s Bowie-obsession has brought him to a close second. However, it wasn’t a contest, so whatev. “That was awesome!” 9Volt cheered happily. “I can't believe I played a request for a Nintendo character!”

Dimentio gave 9Volt the thumbs-up. “Thanks, kid!” he told him.

“No problem!” 9Volt replied. “Can I get your autograph?”

Dimentio thought about it for a bit. “Hmm, I hardly ever give autographs,” he said. “But since you did a favor for me, I'll make an exception.” He took out a piece of paper, signed it and gave it to 9Volt, who was so overcome with joy that he fainted. “Crap on a cracker, now I killed the kid.” He slowly backed away from 9Volt while softly humming “Ashes to Ashes” by David Bowie(of course).

“I've never been happier in my life...” a dazed 9Volt said.

“Word.”

[edit] Chapter 7: ???

The Weirdies were getting their groove on down at Club Sugar when Jess started to get a little tired of dancing. “Okay, now what?” she asked.

“We... go see Dribble and Spitz?” Maddie suggested. Jess thought that was a good idea. So they dragged Zoot, Mikey and Dimentio by their collars. “What a drag, huh?” Mikey joked. Dimentio just rolled his eyes. Eventually they made it to Diamond Taxi.

“Okay, here's Diamond Taxi,” Maddie said. “This is where they work.”

“Cool.” Jess smiled.

Maddie knocked on the door. “Dribble! Spitz! You two in there?” she called out.

Jess surveyed the scene. There seemed to be a funky air around it, and I’m not talking about the one Mikey cut. “Something doesn't seem right about this,” she thought aloud.

“Yeah... normally they're outside, fixin' up their cab, with the radio blarin'. This is weird. I've never seen them inside here before...” Maddie had a scared expression on her face.

“Maybe...” Jess said. “Maybe somebody... STOLE THEM.”

Maddie screamed. “Aliens must have attacked!” she cried. “Well, I know it couldn't be Orbulon. He's a good alien, and he lives here.”

“So what could have happened???”

“I don't know, but this is serious! We need help!” Maddie exclaimed. “I mean, their cab's still here, so they couldn't of took it into space. This is bad. Real bad.”

Jess turned to an invisible audience. “You heard it, folks. This is bad,” she told them. “Now might be a good time to go get some popcorn or something while we think of a plan. Go on, shoo.” A small red light started shining itself in her right eye. “And you with the laser pointer, quit that. You're blinding me!”

“Ooh, my lazow makes the chawacters talk to me,” Homestar Runner, who was in the audience, marveled at his discovery.

Meanwhile, back inside the fourth wall, Maddie got a brilliant idea. “I know! To make it easier on us, we need to humanize the entire population!” she suggested.

“Well, there's already a handful of humans here, that'll make it a bit easier,” Jess said. “But how many non-humans live here?”

Maddie did some quick math in her head. “Including Dribble and Spitz, that's seven,” she replied. “But since they aren't here, that would make it only five.”

“Okay, that makes it a lot easier.” Jess closed her eyes in concentration. She then let loose five of the same energy beams she had used on Mikey and Zoot, which made their way to the non-human characters in Diamond City, turning a different color for each one they hit. “More humany magic!” Zoot exclaimed.

A person with pointed ears and no nose stepped out of a silver light. He looked somewhat like Orbulon, with the long cape, cleated boots and opaque sunglasses. He also looked very confused. “Maddie, what's going on? I'm not an alien anymore!” the now-somewhat human Orbulon exclaimed. “I mean, I still have my IQ of 300, but I'm younger, and I speak English better. What's going on?”

“All in a day’s work for... PUPPYLUVER!” Jess exclaimed. A fanfare played from nowhere. “Okay, now what?”

“We go find Dribble and Spitz?” Maddie suggested.

Jess smiled. “Okay!”

“First, we need Orbulon's ship.” Maddie turned to the changed alien. “Do you mind, Orby?”

“Go ahead and use it. The only thing I'll need is to go with you,” Orbulon replied.

Jess, meanwhile, was geeking out. “Cool, a spaceship,” she said, sparkles in her eyes.

“It’s called the Oinker,” Maddie said. “It’s shaped like a piggy!” Jess squealed in excitement. Moments later, Maddie, Jess and Orbulon were all in the Oinker, which was prepared to take off. “And, we're off!” Maddie exclaimed, hitting the launch button. “Wheeeeeee~!” shouted Jess.

“Okay, you remember how to use this thing, right?” Orbulon asked Maddie. She nodded.

“Use what thing?”

“The controls. I once crashed this thing,” Maddie explained. “Well, at least Orby likes to put it that way. A meteor actually hit it.”

“Oh.” Jess laughed inside. She has used the same type of excuse when her alien boyfriend had accidentally crashed her dad’s pickup truck, so she understood. Then she noticed a bright red button. “Ooh, what’s this button do?” she asked, pointing at it as if about to push it.

“That's the button for shooting the missiles,” Orbulon said. “I never really use it.”

“Okay.” Jess drew her tempted hand back, far away from the missile button. Just then, she heard something rummaging around in her purse. “Hey... something's rummaging around in my purse...” she said, and went to investigate. Inside was the same guinea pig that she had put on Dimentio’s face(see chapter 4). “We got a stowaway! How'd you get in there, sweetheart?”

“Mommy!” squealed Fluffernut. “I found you~!”

Maddie smiled. “How cute!” she exclaimed.

“Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!” Orbulon shouted.

“What road?” Jess asked. “We're in space! ... Aren't we?”

Orbulon thought on that. “Gee, I guess I still have my alien vision,” he replied.

“Guess you do.” Jess turned to Fluffernut. “Now... Fluffy, what are you doing in Mommy's purse?” she asked her guinea pig.

“I was looking for you, Mommy,” Fluffernut replied. “I missed you.” Jess blushed. Maddie smiled again, though Orbulon had to ruin the moment. “Maddie, what did I say about keeping your eyes on the road?”

“And again, I say what ro-- oh wait, I got aura vision.” Jess’s eyes began to glow a pinkish color as she looked out the window of the Oinker. “I can see a path of some kind... 'zat the road you're talking about?” she asked. Maddie nodded. At this point, Dimentio, Mikey and Zoot appeared in the Oinker due to Dimentio’s warping ability. “See, guys, I told you it would work.” he told them.

“Jess! Why'd you two leave us behind?!!” Mikey asked, dazed.

“Maddie!” Zoot exclaimed. “Why did you do that?”

“I tried to get you to pay attention, but you kept staring at that Trogdor graffiti,” Maddie replied.

Dimentio glanced around and, unfortunately, laid eyes upon Fluffernut. “It's the rodent of eternal shed!” he cried.

Fluffernut wasn’t exactly happy to see Dimentio, either. “It's that guy who tried to blow up the universe!” she squealed. “I saw you do it! You bad man, you!”

Maddie gasped. “Dimmie, you didn't!”

“I hate to ruin this but, EYES ON THE ROAD!”

“Okay, Dimentio, nap time.” Jess hit Dimentio over the head with her fist, knocking him out. “Fluffy, don't give out SPM spoilers” she told Fluffernut, who didn’t quite understand.

“Wait, she knows about SPM?” Maddie asked before being nagged once again by the extraterrestrial backseat driver.

“Of course,” Jess replied. “She lives in my room. Coincidentally, that's where I play all my console video games.”

“Cool!”

They went on for a few more space miles. “Okay, this is probably where Dribble and Spitz are,” Orbulon finally told Maddie. “Take us down nice and easy.” She took the Oinker down for a landing, but it wasn’t exactly what you’d call nice and easy. “You call that a soft landing?”

“Well, when you were in the chair, you didn't press the stoppy-thing!” Zoot exclaimed.

Orbulon rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. “It's called a brake, stupid,” he told the Muppet saxophonist. Jess giggled again.

“Hey, the guy's a Muppet,” Mikey said plainly. “Give him a break, will ya?”

After they had gotten that settled, the Weirdies(with the addition of Orbulon) exited the Oinker to search for Dribble and Spitz on this strange planet...